Loading Screen Quotes

Once you start reading the quotes we list below, you are likely to draw the same conclusion we did: Truth really is Stranger than Fiction sometimes.

Before we get started with sharing the Loading Screen Quotes with you there are some matters best to be attended to now:

First - a sincere and hearty thank you to Swash01, who loaded - and re-loaded - and jotted - and shared these Loading Screen Quotes with us. It was effort above and beyond and is very much appreciated.

Second - To the bloodthirsty dictators quoted below - wow. Just wow. For many of you we are sure Hell is much more and much less than you were expecting and everything you deserve. For the ones that have not yet completed their reservations, we are sure that there is plenty of room for you - and want to remind you to bring lots of hand lotion.

Third - We don't know for sure if this is true or not, but there is a rumor that one of the wizards over at the game studio that developed this title - Haemimont Games - that the quotes used were sourced from an article published by Cracked (the website). If that is the case, we wanted to be sure that it was mentioned here - because credit should go where it is due.

And with that covered we now present to you most of the Loading Screen Quotes!

One of the more amusing elements that is present in the Tropico Series are the Loading Screen Quotes - little bits of information about third-world dictators and how insane they tend to be.

Unfortunately the loading screens do not linger in the game so these are easily only half-read or outright missed, so we thought we would share the ones we could read with you here!

Albania -- Enver Hoxha

Comrade, Chairman, Prime Minister, Foreign Minister, Minister of War, Commander-in-Chief of the People's Army Enver Hoxha, was the dictator of Albania. He got that title because he rewarded all cabinet positions to himself.

Enver Hoxha banned beards, typewriters, and color TVs in Albania.

Enver Hoxha famously built 750,000 bunkers across Albania, to protect its meager 3 million inhabitants from a hypothetical Soviet invasion.

Enver Hoxha kidnapped a dentist in rural Albania who looked like him, then forced plastic surgery on him to make the resemblance even more so - leaving the poor fellow no choice but to leave his life behind and live on pretending to be the prime minister.

Visitors to Albania were forced to go through a disinfectant bath, by decree of Enver Hoxha.

Bolivia -- Mariano Melgerejo

Melgarejo of Bolivia, having heard the history of Caligula and his horse consul, thought the story was so cool that he made his horse, named Holofernes, General of Bolivia.

When Mariano Melgerejo of Bolivia was presented with a white stallion as a gift from Brazil, he was so stunned by the horse that he immediately took a map of Bolivia and put one of its hooves on it ... and gave the Brazilians the entire area covered by it.

Burma -- Ne Win

Being extremely superstitious, Burma's President Ne Win reportedly bathed in dolphin blood believing it restored his youth and vitality and would also cross bridges backwards to ward off evil.

Ne Win consulted soothsayers on almost every aspect of his decision making in his nearly 3 decades as ruler of Burma.

One shiny day, Ne Win, head of state of Burma, announced that he was going to change the currency into denominations of 15, 30, 45 and 90, so that he could live to be over 90 years old. This minor inconvenience effectively rendered the population's savings invalid.

Central African Republic -- Jean-Bédel Bokassa

Bokassa crowned himself emperor of the Central African Empire (which he made up one day) in a ceremony that cost the country's annual GDP, where two-thirds of the population lived with less than a dollar per day.

In his later years, Jean Bedel Bokassa declared himself the 13th Apostle and claimed that he frequently met the Pope in secret.

Dominican Republic -- Rafael Trujillo

Rafael Trujillo, President of the Dominican Republic, appointed his 3 year old son Colonel, and went on to make him General at the age of 10.

Rafael Trujillo, President of the Dominican Republic, campaigned to win a noble prize for literature for his illiterate wife, after honoring her as a writer and philosopher.

Rafael Trujillo, President of the Dominican Republic, he had streets, provinces, mountains, schools and bridges named not only in his honor, but in honor of various members of his family as well.

Rafael Trujillo required every license plate in the Dominican Republic to say "Viva Trujillo" and every church to say "God in Heaven, Trujillo on Earth".

Ecuador -- Abdalá Jaime Bucaram Ortiz

Bucaram, elected President of Ecuador in 1996, was known as "El Loco" ("The Madman"), a nickname he championed himself.

One of the first things Bucaram did after taking office was to place his business associates in high government positions and fill the rest of the cabinet with his own family. He even put his 18-year-old son in charge of the Ecuadorian customs office.

While head of state of an economically struggling Ecuador, Bucaram offered professional coach Diego Maradona $1 million to play one soccer game with him.

While President, Bucaram recorded a pop album called A Madman in Love ... which he released while still in office and also took advantage of his president side job to circulate his demo to other presidents at an Ibero-American conference in Chile.

Haiti -- Francois Duvalier

After declaring himself President for Life of Haiti, Francois Duvalier banished all Catholic Bishops from the country and pronounced himself the incarnation of the vengeful spirit of death - Baron Samedi.

Believing his rival had turned into a black dog, President Francois Duvalier ordered all black dogs in Haiti hunted and killed.

Francois Duvalier once called for early elections in Haiti, baffling everyone as his "term" wasn't over for two more years. Things become rather clear when his 100% victory was announced.

In his later years, President of Haiti - Francois Duvalier - declared he alone was responsible for the death of JFK, after casting a curse upon him.

Libya -- Muammar Gaddafi

Muammar Gaddafi had a fear of climbing more than 35 steps at a time and would often refuse to go to the upper floors of buildings.

Muammar Gaddafi decreed that all his bodyguards be female virgins.

When in Rome in August 2010, Muammar Gaddafi paid a modeling agency to get 500 women to attend his lecture where he tried to get them to convert to Islam.

When traveling, Muammar Gaddafi slept in a Bedouin tent that he brought along with him. He sometimes brought camels and horses along as well.

North Korea - Kim Jong II

A former chef for Kim Jong II revealed the North Korean leader employed staff to make sure the grains of rice served to him were absolutely uniform in size and color.

According to his official biography, Kim Jong II's birth in Baekdu Mountain was prophesied by a swallow and heralded with a double rainbow and a new star in the heavens.

Apart from claiming that he is the greatest golfer in the history of existence, Kim Jong II also apparently composed six operas and enjoyed staging musicals.

Kim Jong II had a town called Kijong-Dong built right in the Demilitarized Zone between North and South Korea and had a small crew work around the clock to preserve the illusion that people actually live there - as a farce to try to trick South Koreans into defecting.

Kim Jong II told his people that he invented the hamburger, after which he built a hamburger factory, saying "I've made up my mind to feed quality bread and french-fries to university students, professors and researchers even if we are in (economic) hardship".

Kim Jong II is rumored to have spent $350,000 a year on brandy and to have traveled with a pack of beautiful women he referred to as his "Pleasure Squad."

Republic of Equatorial Guinea -- Francisco Nguema

Francisco Nguema shut down several hospitals in Equatorial Guinea in favor of his witch doctor ancestry.

Francisco Nguema changed The Republic of Equatorial Guinea's national motto to "There is no other God than Macias Nguema."

In a stroke of genius, Nguema - President of Equatorial Guinea - had the the governor of the public bank killed and hid all the money in his jungle shed.

Once in power, Francisco Nguema banned the use of lubricants in power plants, claiming that he had the magical capacity to keep them operational - he could not - and caused major power outages throughout Equatorial Guinea.

When Francisco Nguema was President of The Republic of Equatorial Guinea, he banned the word "intellectual", shut down schools, drove educated people out of his country and declared himself the Grandmaster of Education, Science and Culture.

Romania -- Nicolae Ceausescu

Ceausescu demanded that his nearly illiterate wife be made a member of the New York Academy of Sciences and the Royal Institute of Chemistry. In Romania, she was crowned "Comrade-Academician-Doctor-Engineer," and top scientists had to include her name in their research.

Ceausescu proclaimed his alcoholic and womanizing son, to be a "scientist of international reputation" and alleged that he had published several volumes on nuclear physics.

In 1980, Ceausescu destroyed most of the historical part of Bucharest in order to build what was lauded as the biggest building in the world after the Pentagon. After his death, Romania's Parliament moved in, only able to use 30 % of the building.

Nicolae Ceausescu made sure that the street leading right up to the palace was constructed to be exactly 1 meter wider than the Champs Elysees in Paris.... just because.

Nicolae Ceausescu called himself The Genius of the Carpathians and even made a scepter for himself, prompting Salvador Dali to personally send a telegram of mocking, but having no concept of satire, Ceausescu had Dali's letter published on the front page of the newspaper.

Turkmenistan -- Saparmurat Niyazov

Saparmurat Niyazov, President of Turkmenistan, took a liking to renaming things, like the days of the week or the months. He even changed the word for "bread" to be after the name of his mother - Gurbansoltan.

Saparmurat Niyazov, self-proclaimed President and Father of Turkmenistan had a 12 meter golden statue of himself built upon a 75 meter high arch - with the statue rotating so it always faces the sun.

Saparmurat Niuazov, President of Turkmenistan from 1990 to 2006, outlawed beards for men and make-up for TV anchors - insisting that Turkmenistan women are naturally beautiful and do not need it.

Saparmurat Niyazov had all hospitals outside of Turkmenistan's capital closed as he felt it was reasonable for people needing medical care to travel to the capital.

The President of Turkmenistan, Saparmurat Niyazov, wrote a book called Book of the Soul. It was made compulsory to learn in schools and to be held in the same regard as the Qur’an in mosques throughout the country. Also, in 2006 a copy of the book was sent to space.

Uganda -- Idi Amin Dada

An African despot, Idi Amin Dada laid claim to the Scottish throne and offered to marry Queen Elizabeth to lead the Commonwealth.

Idi Amin Dada called himself "His Excellency, President for Life Field Marshall Al Hadj Doctor Idi Amin Dada, VC, DSO, MC. Lord of all the Beasts of the Earth and Fishes of the Sea and Conqueror of the British Empire in Africa in General and Uganda in Particular".

MAD at the Queen of Britain for her refusal to marry him, Idi Amin Dada had four local British businessmen to carry him around in a sedan chair at a diplomatic conference in Uganda.

To mock the people who pointed out Uganda's crippling famine, Idi Amin Dada created the "Save Britain Fund" by taking a truckload of food from starving peasants and offering it to the U.K.

Zaire -- Mobuto Sese Seko

In Zaire, the evening news was always preceded with an image of autocratic ruler Mobuto Sese Seko, smiling through the clouds and looking down from the heavens. He also forbade the newscasters to mention anybody but him by name.

Mobuto Sese Seko, former President of Zaire, and had an airport especially constructed so he could charter Concorde jets to take shopping trips in Paris with his family.

Mobuto, dictator of Zaire, had prohibited anybody except him from wearing leopard-print hats and carried with him a wooden cane that he claimed took the strength of eight men to carry.

Mobuto Sese Seko, ruler of Zaire, once paid Muhammad Ali and George Foreman $5 million each to fight in his country to give it more recognition in the world.

The ruler of Zaire had his name changed to Mobutu Sese Seko Nkuku Ngbendu Wa Za Banga "The all-powerful warrior who, because of his endurance and inflexible will to win, goes from conquest to conquest, leaving fire in his wake".