The SuperCheats Top 10 Launch Day Excuses

03. Death of an Aunt / Uncle / Godparent

While there are plenty of relatives whose funeral you can easily get away with skipping, an Aunt or Uncle - and especially one that also happens to be your Godparent - does not number among them!

As a general rule and based on the comments that were made by the HR Managers that we interviewed for this piece, the death of a close family member (but not too close) is one of the best excuses you can have for missing a day, because they can totally relate to the emotional suffering and social requirement that is attached.

That said, thanks largely to the Internet, you have to be careful how you use this really great excuse. In fact some careful prep work is absolutely required.

It is also a good one in that it only requires a few days notice or rather it is operative inside a narrow time window as well.

So how do you use this as a foolproof excuse, fool? You start by using HRs own tools against them!

The Internet is your friend - use it to find a recently departed human of the right age, appearance, and location to use as your dead relative.

Caption: Funerals are largely a product of customs and tradition, and this is true pretty much all over the world. In North America though, the typical funeral experience works like this: a person dies (that is generally a requirement), the get autopsied, and then an undertaker whisks them away to be treated to an embalming, they are put on display for a day, and planted in the ground. Sweet right? Unless you are Agent 47 - then not so much...

Ideally this would be someone who recently died in a different part of your state or even better, the next state over!

From their obituary you can get all the information you need, including when they are “showing” and where, and the time for the interment.

Now just go see your boss (or HR depending on how this works at your place of employment) and tell them the sad news.

“My Uncle Jack / Aunt Rose died yesterday when the Titanic sank (insert the actual cause of death here don't say they died on the Titanic) and I need to be there for my family.

It is at this point where you provide only very basic very vague details: “The funeral is tomorrow in White Plains, and I am riding up with my cousin Joe; I need three days though because my Aunt Rose / Uncle Jack (the one who is NOT dead IOW) asked us to help them sort through the legal papers and figure out the insurance stuff - you wouldn't believe how expensive funerals are!”

“I am sorry about the short notice but...” you let it trail off, all sad like. Because of course you are sorry but it's not like YOU killed them! Sounding depressed and sad is good - crying tho may be a bit over-the-top... Use your best judgment.

Be sure to mention that Uncle Jack / Aunt Rose was your Godparent, and be sure to mention that you are traveling with some relative like cousin Joe - because why? Because you don't want them tempted into doing something dangerous like sending you over to the travel clerk for your company to arrange bereavement transportation on the company dime.

There you go! You are all set!

Now just stop off at the grocers on your way home and pick up your favorite Launch Day snacks and beverages, then head over to the Midnight Launch Sale and snag your copy of the game!

When you return to work - ideally on a Monday obviously - you should make a point of being sad for at least a few days. It takes time to grieve and time to get over so profound a loss, and when you have spent the last three-to-five days playing an awesome game it can sometimes be difficult to express your grief without the joy poking through.

Posted: 16th Aug 2015 by CMBF