The SuperCheats Top 10 Launch Day Excuses

01. Contagious illness, such as the common cold or flu.

When you think of illness, the flu is an obvious choice because why? Because it tends to hit like the hammers of hell, it is wicked infectious, and no boss or HR gnome in their right mind is going to tell you they don't care, come to work anyway!

That said -- and despite the fact that this particular excuse scored the Numero Uno Slot in our countdown of the The SuperCheats Top 10 Launch Day Excuses -- this one should be used with great care for a number of reasons, and not just because it will be instantly believed and accepted and your request for the day off just as instantly granted.

No, the reason that this one should be handled with care is down to its nature - which is to say this is NOT an illness that anyone will believe you instantly bounced back from!

Seriously this is the sort of excuse you need to make on a Wednesday with the idea being you will not be returning to work until the following Monday! The why is simply enough - but let's walk this through anyway.

Just like the Common Cold, the Flu is an extremely contagious respiratory illness caused by influenza that is generally virus-based and appears most frequently in winter and early spring.

The flu virus attacks the body by spreading through the upper and/or lower respiratory tract, and it is one of the type of illnesses that basically has to burn itself out and be defeated by the body's natural immunity and healing.

Its can easily take weeks to completely burn out, and that is why your boss and/or HR is going to want to keep you as far away from the otherwise healthy staff from the office as they can manage.

What's the difference between a cold and flu? Well, generally speaking the common cold and flu are both contagious viral infections of the respiratory tract. Their symptoms can be similar, but the flu is much worse. A cold may drag you down a bit, but the flu can make you shudder at the very thought of getting out of bed.

That being the case you do not want to choose this one lightly. It should be only used when you know you are going to want multiple days off, maybe even an extra-long weekend - so yeah, this one is for when you want to string multiple game-launches together.

For example strategically speaking you might choose to push the button on The Flu Excuse starting on Thursday, October 22nd. That gives you time to hit the midnight sale for Assassin's Creed: Syndicate, and the weekend plus Monday to feed your Syndicate needs so that by the time Tuesday the 27th arrives you are good and ready to sink your teeth into HALO 5: Guardians!

Then you stay up playing Guardians all night so that you can return to work the following day - Friday - looking totally exhausted (which you will be) and convincingly ill!

You do that because NOBODY who is malingering will choose to return to work on a Friday - but someone getting over the Flu would.

Go for a slightly disheveled look in terms of clothing, and try to take on an extra load of caffeine as well, so that your arrival at work on Friday, clearly exhausted, which will cause your boss to turn you right around and send you home again.

“Go home. Rest. We'll see you on Monday,.” they might say, and you have thus scored yourself an entire week of paid sick leave, totally convinced the boss it was legit, and after a nice nap you are all set to dive right back into the world of HALO 5! We call that Win-Win-Win!

It is a good idea to lay the foundation for this early. For example when you arrive at work on Monday you should have a light cough and share the fact that you felt like crap all weekend, and still do.

The next day (Tuesday) your cough should be worse, and you should complain of feeling too hot. That way when you call in early Wednesday morning to complain about your cough, fever, and general malaise to tell them you are out sick they will totally accept it!

Res Ipsa Loquitur

There you have it mates - the Top 10 Game Launch Day Excuses that can get you out of work without getting you into trouble!

Of course if you are worried about doing the right thing, maybe you want to consider just taking a few paid vacation days instead of seeking to use subterfuge and confusion to carve out some free days for doing what you love best - diving into the newest video game?

On the other hand, clearly vacation days - and specifically PAID vacation days - are best meant to be used for summer trips to the Italian countryside, or a nice winter week on the beaches of Culebra Island, in Puerto Rico.

Yeah, we recommend you use your paid vacay on intimate days at the beach sans clothing - because while it is not officially a nude beach or anything, it was not Las Vegas that invented the tourism line “What Happens in Vegas Stays in Vegas” you know?

Yes, paid vacation days should be used to cover a week of tanning and swimming and frolicking on the beach drinking Piña Coladas and eating Mofongo and Christmas Pastel while your mates back home are freezing their censored off!

If you get bored with swimming or a little sunburn you can always explore the wrecks of Culebra Island -- which if you did not know this was used for years by the US Navy as a target range from World War II onwards -- cool stuff that includes an M4A3E8 Sherman tank in the surf of Flamenco Beach.

So pick your game - and your excuse plan - rev up your confidence, and hey? Don't screw this up!

* SuperCheats and the author are NOT responsible if you get fired for staying home from work to play on launch day. That is totally on you, and you probably did something to tip them off you were suffering from Launch Day Fever. Our conscious is clear, we can sleep well at night. Besides which, in our case we would have to call in sick in order to NOT play a game on launch day, which if you think about it, is pretty cool. Yup, our job is way better than yours.

** Gamer Slang: Flat Crack Dealer. A play off the physical form of video game media - flat optical discs, and the highly addictive nature of crack, a drug that is derived from cocaine.

Posted: 16th Aug 2015 by CMBF