Men are From Freeport, Women are from Qeynos

It was a dark and stormy night in Norrath

When the game was finally patched I logged in, ignoring the bazillion mail messages in my mail box, and noticed that I suck for not logging in for months because I still had Frostfell quests hanging and that holiday is now long over. Sigh.

I appear outside the door to my house at Bayle Court. Yes, it is the McMansion of EQ2, but in my defense I have lots of stuff that I need to have places to keep. A huge selection of books from quest rewards, loads of trophies, other objects from quests, and of course the special awards for doing things like helping build the spires, the rapid-transit towers (seriously) and the like. And all of the cool furniture that my in-game friends have made for me over the years, plus my collection of stuffed animals, tapestries, and a painting collection that could be the start of a museum. Lots of stuff in other words, so don't harsh on me for having a big place!

The reason that I am outside is because I have not paid my rent in like, well, months. I pull up my inventory and I realize that I don't have enough gold, and a quick trip to the bank reveals that while I do have enough in there to pay the rent, it will leave me nearly broke, so the only solution is for me to head out into the wilds and farm some ching-a-ling from the denizens there, though how they have so much human money is something I have never really been able to figure out.

Passing out the gate in North Qeynos (the one I always think of as Fippy Darkpaw's gate though it is not really, different game) I summon my flying carpet and head into to the lighthouse docks where I use the bell to go to the Thundering Steps. I am heading for the camp on the far side of the pass where I plan to kill gnolls in large numbers, because every copper and silver piece adds up. I know, I know, farming low-level mobs is lame, but it is also fast and painless and as long as no low-level players are around, who does it hurt?

When I arrive I dismiss my carpet and I am about to warm up my AOE macros when a player appears in the distance, pauses and then heads towards me.

He stops a few paces from me and bows, smiles, sighs, and chuckles. He is BoyToy 2.0, and if this were Ouran High School Host Club he would fit right in. I smile IRL at that observation, and I flirt with the idea of calling him Tamaki when (if) I speak to him. I feel bad about that; about prejudging him and my cruel estimation of his sexual orientation based on the prettiness of his character, and I almost apologize... Then he speaks.

"Do you have any plat? Can I have some? I want to buy a horse but they are expensive and I need some help. I need like 3 plat."

OK what is wrong with this picture? A confused swirl of thoughts passed through my head. Why was he asking me that? Did I look rich? I was sure I had never met him before, but maybe he is a teenager. But what would a teenager be doing up at 5 AM??

"Do I know you?" was my lame reply.

"No but if that is what it takes to get 3 plat I am game," he answers.

Whaaaat?!

The lump rolls over, pulling the covers off of its face and looks at me, and I realize that I did not think that "Whaaaat?" but actually verbalized it. I slowly pull my headset off and hear the door to the bathroom in the hall shut. Great, I just woke the house.

"Whassup?" the lump asks, looking cute with its bed-head and sleepy eyes. I make my roll and resist the cute, so no risk of doing anything that will send me to hell later. "Nothing. This player wants me to give him 3 plat so he can buy a horse," I whisper. We hear the toilet flushing.

"I think you woke your dad up, what time is it?" the lump asks. I tell him and he gives me this look that says: "Umkay, you woke us up at 5:30 in the morning because why?"

"I didn't mean to," I whisper.

"Your little friend is trying to get your attention," the lump says, and then rolls over, pulling the covers back over its head. The lump can sleep on command, it learned to do that in the military. I wish I could do that.

On the screen, sure enough, my "little friend" was indeed trying to get my attention, running through a host of gestures and typing "Hello????" over and over.