Your Account
    Log into your account here:
       Forgot Password

    Not registered? Sign Up for free
    Registration allows you to keep track of all your content and comments, save bookmarks, and post in all our forums.

Conker: Live & Reloaded



by SofaKingWeToddDid

<| Conker: Live & Reloaded Strategy Guide --------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Rated M For Mature |>

*:: Due to the content of this game, and the fact that I cuss a whole lot throughout this guide, it may  ::*
*:: not be suitable for anyone who finds crude or mature humor, strong language, or sexual themes    ::*
*:: inappropriate. Anyway, I don't really care what people think. Have a nice fucking day.                      ::*

| Note                                                                                                                                                                                                                  | 
|                                                                                                                                                                                                                           |
| Press Ctrl F to bring up the Find Window. Use the number of the section you want to find and press                                                         |
| Find Next. Such as, if you want to find the section for Extra Shit, you would press Ctrl F, then put in                                                          |
| 8, and press Find Next until you get there.                                                                                                                                                     |
|                                                                                                                                                                                                                           |
| Note                                                                                                                                                                                                                  |

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: {00} ::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
:: Table Of Contents                                                           ::
:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: {00} ::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

-----{1} Introduction {1}-----

-----{2} Prologue {2}-----

-----{3} Characters {3}-----

-----{4} Basic Controls and Generic Tips {4}----

-----{5} Conker: Live & Reloaded Complete Guide {5}-----

-----{5a}  Hungover {5a}-----
-----{5a1} Scaredy Birdy {5a1} -----

-----{5a2} Pan Handled {5a2}-----

-----{5a3} Gargoyle {5a3}-----

-----{5b}  Windy {5b}-----
-----{5b1} Mrs. Bee {5b1}----- 

-----{5c}  Barn Boys {5c}-----
-----{5c1} Marvin {5c1}-----

-----{5c2} Mad Pitchfork {5c2}-----

-----{5c3} Sunny Days {5c3}-----

-----{5c4} Barry + Co. {5c4}-----

-----{5c5} Frying Tonight {5c5}-----

-----{5c6} Slam Dunk {5c6}-----
-----{5c7} Frankie {5c7}-----

-----{5c8} Haybot Part I {5c8}-----

-----{5c81} Haybot Part II {5c81}-----

-----{5d}  Windy Once More {5d}-----
-----{5d1} Poo Cabin {5d1}-----

-----{5d2} Pruned {5d2}-----

-----{5d3} Yee Haa! {5d3}-----

-----{5d4} Sewage Sucks {5d4}-----

-----{5d5} Great Balls of Poo {5d5}-----

-----{5e} Bats Tower {5e}-----
-----{5e1} Mrs. Catfish {5e1}-----

-----{5e2} Barry's Mate {5e2}-----

-----{5e3} Cog's Revenge {5e3}-----

-----{5e4} The Combination {5e4}-----

-----{5e5} Blast Doors {5e5}-----

-----{5e6} Clang's Lair {5e6}-----

-----{5e7} Pisstastic {5e7}-----

-----{5e8} Bull Fish's Revenge {5e8}-----
-----{5e9} Big-Bollocked Boiler {5e9}-----

-----{5f} Windy Again {5f}-----
-----{5f1} Great Balls Of Poo II {5f1}-----

-----{5g} Sloprano {5g}-----
-----{5g1} Corn Off The Cob {5g1}-----

-----{5g2} U-Bend Blues {5g2}-----

-----{5g3} The Bluff {5g3}-----
-----{5g4} The Great Mighty Poo {5g4}-----

-----{5h} Uga Buga {5h}-----
-----{5h1} Drunken Gits {5h1}-----

-----{5h2} Sacrafice {5h2}-----

-----{5h3} Phelgm {5h3}-----

-----{5h4} Worship {5h4}-----

-----{5h5} Rock Solid {5h5}-----

-----{5h6} Bomb Run {5h6}-----

-----{5h7} Mugged {5h7}-----

-----{5h8} Raptor Food {5h8}-----
-----{5h9} Buga The Knut {5h9}-----

-----{5i} Windy Visit The Fourth {5i}-----
-----{5i1} Wasp's Revenge {5i1}-----

-----{5i2} Mr. Barrel {5i2}-----

-----{5j} Spooky {5j}-----
-----{5j1} Mr. Death {5j1}-----

-----{5j2} Count Batula {5j2}-----

-----{5j3} Zombies {5j3}-----

-----{5j4} Mr. Barrel {5j4}-----

-----{5k} It's War {5k}-----
-----{5k1} It's War {5k1}-----

-----{5k2} Power's Off {5k2}-----

-----{5k3} TNT {5k3}-----

-----{5k4} The Assault {5k4}-----

-----{5k5} Sole Survivor {5k5}-----

-----{5k6} Casualty Dept. {5k6}-----

-----{5k7} Saving Private Rodent {5k7}-----

-----{5k8} Chemical Warfare {5k8}-----

-----{5k9} The Tower {5k9}-----

-----{5k10} Little Girl {5k10}-----

-----{5k11} Countdown {5k11}-----

-----{5k12} Peace At Last! {5k12}-----
-----{5k13} The Experiment {5k13}-----

-----{5l} Heist {5l}-----
-----{5l1} The Windmill's Dead {5l1}-----

-----{5l2} Enter The Vertex {5l2}-----
-----{5l3} Heinrich {5l3}-----

-----{6} Cash Locations {6}-----
-----{6a} Hungover {6a}-----

-----{6b} Windy {6b}-----

-----{6c} Barn Boys {6c}-----

-----{6e} Bats Tower {6e}-----

-----{6g} Sloprano {6g}-----

-----{6h} Uga Buga {6h}-----

-----{6j} Spooky {6j}-----

-----{6k} It's War {6k}-----

-----{6l} Heist {6l}-----

-----{7} Multiplayer Tips {7}-----
-----{7a} Grunts {7a}-----

-----{7b} Sneekers {7b}-----

-----{7c} Demolishers {7c}-----

-----{7d} Thermopiles {7d}-----

-----{7e} Long Rangers {7e}-----

-----{7f} Sky Jockeys {7f}-----
Old War:
-----{7g} Beach Dead {7g}-----

-----{7h} Fortress Deux {7h}-----

-----{7i} Castle Von Tedistein {7i}-----
Future War:
-----{7j} A Bridge Too Narrow {7j}-----

-----{7k} Three Towers {7k}-----

-----{7l} Doon {7l}-----

-----{7m} TMS Spamono {7m}-----

-----{7n} The Ditch {7n}-----

-----{8} Extra Shit {8}-----

-----{8a} The Great Mighty Poo Song ***::Uncut::*** {8a}-----

-----{8b} Funny Quotes {8b}-----

-----{8c} Movie/Game References {8c}-----

-----{8d} Funny Shit {8d}-----

-----{8e} Hints {8e}-----

-----{9} Updates {9}-----

-----{10} Credits {10}-----

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: {1} ::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
:: Introduction                                                                   ::
:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: {1} ::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

Conker's Bad Fur Day was Rare's last title on the Nintendo 64 and was an instant classic. It had combined platrform gaming, a shooter, and just plain 
inappropriate humor to shock the players who... were the ones playing it... Anyway, it's a very good thing that Rare has remade Bad Fur Day, into 
what is now known as Conker: Live & Reloaded (Yes, I know you already know), so that the people who didn't get chance to play the N64 version of it 
(I'm one of 'em) can now play it on the Xbox.

This guide will guide you through the entire story mode, which is indeed a very bad ass remake of Conker's Bad Fur Day with stunning graphics. Just 
be happy you're the one reading this and not typing it, you lazy ass bastard. I hope this helps you out very much.

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: {2} ::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
:: Prologue                                                                        ::
:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: {2} ::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

Well, Conker T. Squirrel, T. standing for The, is quite the drinker. So, in the beginning of his story, he has a little too much to drink at the Cock and 
Plucker (a bar). He then at least tries to find his way home, and that is where this no-point-at-all story begins. Just remember, Conker is just trying to 
get home. And all of the stuff that happens, happens in one day.

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: {3} ::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
:: Characters                                                                     ::
:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: {3} ::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

-----{Conker}----- The alchoholic money loving star of this game, Conker The Squirrel. The Red Squirrel as the Panther King is looking for to replace 
his missing table leg so he won't spill his milk anymore. Stupid bitch. Anyway, Conker apparently is just wandering around this goddamn place 
running into things he never thought would happen. Well, it does, duh. He enjoys getting wasted every night with people he hasn't known for more 
than 5 minutes. He doesn't swear as much as I do but he's still cool as hell.

-----{Berri}----- Berri, Conker's girlfriend, is not seen but two times in the story. As their relationship isn't too good, they still intend to work things 
out... sorta. She doesn't have as big of tits as someone... or something... I'll be telling you about later in this guide, but she plays a very important role in 
Bad Fur Day. Conker doesn't say too much about her, but Berri is probably the only person Conker does actually like.

-----{Birdy}----- Birdy is also an alchoholic, but no one is as big of an alchoholic as Conker, damnit. Anyways, Birdy is a drunken scarecrow... who is 
drunk... throughout the entire story. You won't see him much but only when Conker needs help with something. Try to understand his drunk 
conversations with Conker as some may confuse the shit out of you.

-----{Gregg The Grim Reaper}----- A bit short to be a Grim Reaper, Gregg is the "little lord" of Hell. When you die in the beginning, you will end up 
going to Hell and you will see Gregg for the first time. He shows up once more but I'll get to that later. He really hates cats and the undead. There is 
really no telling what the fuck this guy will say to you. Most of the time he's kinda pissed off, so nothing to worry about.

-----{The Panther King}----- Well, like I said before, he is looking for a Red Squirrel, which just happens to be Conker, to replace his broken table leg 
so he doesn't spill his milk anymore. Conker sees him as only a fable but he is real. And of course Conker doesn't realize that.

-----{Frankie}----- A hopping pitchfork that wants to stick his big fork right into Conker. Sounds pornographic to me. Anyway, this guy is only useful 
against hay. What a dumbass.

-----{Ron}----- This annoying ass can of paint spends his time muttering things on what happened and yelling at his even more annoying ass partner, 

-----{Reg}----- The paint brush that always repeats what Ron says. That's it.

-----{Rodent}----- A little gray squirrel who is one of Conker's very old pals. They reunite later in the story but for now I'll just tell you a bit about him. 
He is useless and fucking annoying just like everyone else Conker meets. The End.

-----{Von Kriplespac}----- A derranged and maniacal scientists who is the professor in the castle where The Panther King lives. He gets very pissed off 
and cusses a lot. Especially in the beginning. Someone wash this son of a bitch mother fucker asshole's mouth out with soap.

-----{Tediz}----- Evil Nazi robot teddy bears Von Kriplespac has created to destroy Conker. That's pretty much it...

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: {4} ::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
:: Basic Controls and Generic Tips                                   ::
:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: {4} ::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

Lots of controls but they are very, very, very, very... very... *fart* simple.

*::                                                                                                                                                                     ::*
*:: A - Jump                                                                                                                                                       ::*
*:: A twice {hold on second} - Tail Spin                                                                                                             ::*
*:: Left Thumbstick - Move around                                                                                                                      ::*
*:: Right Thumbstick - Camera                                                                                                                              ::*
*:: Right Trigger - Crouch, hold and move to crawl                                                                                               ::*
*:: B - Use frying pan/bat                                                                                                                                        ::*
*::                                                                                                                                                                                 :*

*::                                                                                                                                                                                                                                ::*
*:: B on a B-Pad - Special                                                                                                                                                                                            ::*
*:: Hold Right Trigger then A - Spring Jump                                                                                                                                                                 ::*
*::                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      ::*

***:::::***:::::***:::::***:::::***:::::***:::::***:::::***:::::***Conker As A Bat***:::::***:::::***:::::***:::::***:::::***:::::***:::::***:::::***:::::***:::::***:::::***
*::                                                                                                                                                                                                                                ::*
*:: Left Trigger -  Anus Cam                                                                                                                                                                                         ::*
*:: Right Trigger - Shit                                                                                                                                                                                                   ::*
*:: A - Rise                                                                                                                                                                                                                       ::*
*:: B - Lower Down                                                                                                                                                                                                           ::*
*::                                                                                                                                                                                                                                       ::*
***:::::***:::::***:::::***:::::***:::::***:::::***:::::***:::::***Conker As A Bat***:::::***:::::***:::::***:::::***:::::***:::::***:::::***:::::***:::::***:::::***:::::***::***

***:::::***:::::***:::::***:::::***:::::***:::::***:::::***:::::***:::::***Generic Tips***:::::***:::::***:::::***:::::***:::::***:::::***:::::***
*::                                                                                                                                                                                            ::*
*:: --Tail Spin when in doubt to get across those damned gaps                                                                                           ::*
*:: ---Look out for clues                                                                                                                                                            ::*
*:: ----The bosses in the game almost always need to be defeated by using something in the area                                   ::*
*:: -----Be careful on jumps, Conker gets hurt on high falls                                                                                                     ::*
*:: ------Chocolate (your health, you have 6, and that's all you get bitch) will appear again after about 30 seconds          ::*
*::                                                                                                                                                                                                  ::*
***:::::***:::::***:::::***:::::***:::::***:::::***:::::***:::::***:::::***Generic Tips***:::::***:::::***:::::***:::::***:::::***:::::***:::::***::***

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: {5} ::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
:: Conker: Live & Reloaded Complete Guide                   ::
:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: {5} ::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

-----{5a} Hungover {5a}-----

-----{5a1} Scaredy Birdy {5a1}-----

Once Conker wakes up from his complains on being a drunken bastard, walk him over to the scarecrow, otherwise known as Birdy. There are really no 
controls in the training level, except a very pathetic attempt at a jump and a punch... sorta. After Birdy gives the first drunken conversation of the 
story and teaches you of Context Sensitive, the context that is sensitive, aka the B-Pad, you will have to go behind him and step on that. That's the 
wooden B. Follow Birdy's instructions and if done correctly, Conker will give Birdy a beer. He then tells you to go to the other wooden B-Pad on the 
other side of the fence. You can either stay on the same Pad to give Birdy some Helium, or go to the other B-Pad to get... un-drunk.

Once un-drunk, Conker will now move faster and be able to jump higher. No hopes for the punch, though, it's sad really. Swim into the river to the 
island being sure to avoid the waterfall. Walk towards the branch type thing and Conker tell you how to Tail Spin even thought I've already told you 
about it. Just Tail Spin onto that branch type thing and follow the path making sure to Tail Spin over the gaps along the way. Once you get to the 
bridge, you will notice a big faggot Gargoyle. See that lever as you came up? You didn't? Fuck you. It's on the same bridge, so just turn around and 
walk back to it. Now jump and Tail Spin towards it to grab it. This will open the door you saw on the way. What? You didn't see that either? You blind, 
sorry bastard. Go back the way you came and head through the door, in case you didn't figure that out already.

-----{5a2} Pan Handled {5a2}-----

Try to chase that damn key around until Conker finally stops and realizes there's no point in chasing a fucking key without a weapon. He then notices 
that there are some weapons just a hangin on the wall. Oh, how convienient! He will then tell you how to use a weapon... really, what's the point in 
knowing how to use a weapon? Just press B to take it out and put it away. And the Right Trigger is what you use to strike your opponent. Press the 
Right Trigger 3 times, but not too fast, to get a combo hit. After he sees the Green Imps, yes that's what they're called, you will then have to kill all the 
Imps with the combo you've just learned. Yay! Killing is fun! So here's the object: If you kill him, he blows up and blood will drip down the screen. 
Sweeeeet. Once you kill the last one the key will come out. You will have to hit it once to knock it down. Then put your frying pan away, pick the key 
up, and carry it to the door that you just came in from. This will obviously open that door.

Now head back up to the Gargoyle and hit him with the frying pan before he grabs and attempts to molest you. He will then say the first cuss word of 
the game. Sadly, it's bleeped out, as you will have to go through story mode once and complete something else in the game to get the bad words to 
be heard. Anyway, the bleeped out word is twat.

-----{5a3} Gargoyle {5a3}-----

He will then be crushed by a rock after you hit him on the head with your bat. Notice there are little steps on this rock. Jump on each of the steps then 
Tail Spin to the B-Pad to your right. Press B. Conker will pull out a dynamite and the thing you see in While E. Coyote cartoons. Conker blows up the 
rock and by doing so, the rock disappears! Now you can go through the tunnel into the next area. Congrats! You've made it through the training level. 
Have a cookie for your efforts and face the rest of the damn game.

-----{5b} Windy {5b}-----

-----{5b1} Mrs. Bee {5b1}-----

Go down the slope to your right and you will see a bee. That's Mrs. Bee. You will talk to her and apparently her husband left her. That doesn't suprise 
Conker. So now you have to get her stolen hive back to her. See those wasps behind you trying to be quiet in the first cutscene? That's them. Bastards. 
Now turn around and go to your left this time. Go up that little slope with the barb wire fence on it. Kill the Imp. Yay! Blood! Now continue to the bee 
hive. Grab it and run as fast as you can back down the slope making sure not to fall in dreaded water. Dun Dun Dun. Just run back to Mrs. Bee and 
she'll do the rest. Congrats! You've just earned your first $100!

Go across the bridge to the B- Pad.Birdy The Drunken Scarecrow will now come mysteriously out of the ground and help you again. He gives you an 
instruction manual for $10. You get the $10 back since Birdy farts too much. Now press B on the B-Pad and Conker will get out a sling shot. The Lady 
Bugs that watched you as you came up, you will now have to kill them. Shoot the slingshot at the first one as he will rise from his stump. Hurry and 
shoot him again to blow him up before he gets too close. Do the same with the other lady bugs and a door with dying-lady-bug-sensors will open up. 
Now just go up the slope and Conker will notice the left way smells like shit. So go to the right into the next area. Woo! Another cookie.

-----{5c}- Barn Boys {5c}-----

-----{5c1} Marvin {5c1}-----

Cross the river and kill the Imp bastard at the other side. More blood! Yay! Now go to the right and there will be a mouse who is bothering the blue 
block's wife. You now get to hear your first two uncensored cuss words: Ass and Bitch. Once done with that, go back down that slope and go straight to 
where the other blue blocks are jumping for no damn reason. Pass those guys to the block at the gate. He will open it. Now get out your bat and hit a 
piece of cheese. Put the bat away and pick the cheese up and bring it back to the mouse. You'll have to do this twice more. Once done, he'll blow up. 
Cool. And the pink block jumps off her husband. Now jump on the blue one. Then the pink. Then on that pipe right there next to ya. Then the next. 
Then Tail Spin up the small roof of the barn. If you need to grab the chocolate. Then go on the wooden square and you'll open up the barn. And then 
you'll see some money. Well, ya dumbass, you just gonna leave it there? Get the money and you might hear the word Bastard. Then go back on the 
pink block so you don't get hurt. Then jump off that and go back to where the cheese is. This time keep going until you see an Imp. Go on that walk 
way and kill the green bitch. Now go inside the barn... Dun Dun Dun.

-----{5c2} Mad Pitchfork {5c2}-----

After the cutscene where you hear Ass a lot, go over the paint can, the brush, and the talking pitchfork. Conker will then say a funny quote which you 
can see in the Extra Shit section of this guide.

-----{5c7} Boss ----- Frankie {5c7}-----

Once you've had your talk with Frankie, he will attempt to "Stick his big fork right in yers". What you need to do here is make him jab every pile of hay 
in the barn. Once done with that there should be a lot of eyes everywhere and Frankie will get tired and walk over to Ron and Reg. They will then diss 
Frankie on how bad of a kick ass he did. Then Frankie says "fuck you!" but you can't hear it. So he tries to hang himself but he apprently doesn't have 
a neck. Stupid bastard. After this cutscene is over, head back to the lever you saw by the entrance to the barn. You didn't see that either? You stupid 
blind mother fucker. Tail Spin towards it to drop the King Bee who left the wife in Windy and open the door. Head out the door and talk to the King 
Bee who has landed just right of the barn door.

-----{5c3} Sunny Days {5c3}-----

Now once the King Bee has shown you the big boobed sun flower, yes the person I was talking about before, head over to her and kill the Imp 
bastard hoe and talk to the flower. She'll try to be sexy... I don't see anything sexy about a sun flower with big tits but let's move on. You see the little 
bee counter on the bottom right of the screen? Yes, you will now have to find 5 groups of bees to tickle the sun flower and reveal her big tatas. Do this 
by finding the bees and guiding them back to her. But DO NOT swim in deep water, or else you will lose the bees and have to go back.

Go back the wooden crate going slow in a circle next to the King Bee and there will be some bees there.

Back at the cheese farm is another set.

Once at the sun flower, go straight to where the Imp is. Kill it. Then go to the wall where those bees are.

Where the entrance to the barn is is a little route doing down instead of up the jumping boxes. Go down that and kill the Imp faggots there. At the 
end by the trash are some bees.

And last, on the roof of the barn where you got the $100 is another set. Don't jump completely off or else you'll lose them. Jump on the pink block then 

Now she should let her boobs hang out and guess what? The King Bee then fucks and pollinates her. Good thing you don't see that. Now guess what? 
You get to bounce on her hooters! Woo! Now just jump on her knockers and she'll bounce you up. Once in the air Tail Spin where the money is and get 

-----{5c4} Barry + Co {5c4}-----

Now go back to the wooden crate and wait until he gets to the window. This is the part where he stops and rests for a while. Jump on him and through 
the window. Now two bats will cuss even though you can't understand it anyway. They now have decided to pick on you. Assholes. Now you can either 
balance across the wooden walk way, or half way onto that walk way, Tail Spin to the platform. Now do the same to the next and jump on the B-Pad. 
You will now see Frankie trying to hang himself with his small ass legs wiggling around. Now just throw knives at the bastard until he falls. Jump 
down after him and watch the next boss you'll have to fight.

-----{5c8} Buff You {5c8}-----

----- Boss ----- Haybot Part I -----

Now once the cutscene is over, jump onto the back of Frankie and jab Haybot in the ass. Don't let him hit you or else you'll go flying. He will now be set on fire. To hell if I know how that happens, but it does. You will now have to do this twice or 3 times more. Once down Haybot will then get fucking pissed off and stomp the floor. His fat ass, Conker, and Frankie all fall through the hole he makes.

-----{5c81} Haybot Wars {5c81}-----

----- Boss ----- Haybot Part II -----

Watch the cutscene here and then you will notice he is not a big fat ass pile of hay at all. He is a robot. Hint hint: Haybot. After the cutscene, jump onto 
Frankie and hop the nearest of the big three pipes. Stay there until Haybot fires a Suzie 9mm at Conker. Jump at the last minute and it will blow a 
hole in the pipe making water spill out. Sit tight while the Haybot dumbass mofo electricutes himself. Fag. Now hop with Haybot to the center and 
once the big red button comes your way, jump and press B when the light bulb comes on. Conker will push the button and it hurts Haybot. Do this for 
the other 2 pipes and Haybot will blow up. Yay. Cookie time. Oh wait, not yet.

-----{5c5} Frying Tonight {5c5}-----

After you tape Frankie's sorry ass back into one piece, you have to escape. Swim as fast as you can to the pipe in front of you. On the other side is a 
ladder. Jump towards it and climb up as fast as you can to the B-Pad. You now have to throw knives at the wires hanging. There are 3 wires for each 
pipe. If you do not then you will be electricuted like the Haybot dumbass fag did to himself. Do this to the other pipe and once done look for the exit. 
Swim over to it and wait for the water to bring you up close enough to jump through it. Now, it's cookie time...

Now you will be back into a part of the barn. Jump on the turtle fag's stone and he'll say something like "Get off my stone!" He'll then spring you up in 
the air to the ledge. There's money right there so get the son of a bitch and head through that window type thing.

-----{5c6} Slam Dunk {5c6}-----

This part's fun. You will now have to climb up the ladder avoiding the wasps and one Imp hoe bastard bitch fuck head to the very top. First grab a 
chocolate if you need it. Now what I recommend you do is LOOK BEFORE YOU FUCKING CLIMB OR ELSE YOU'LL BE TAKING ONE LONG ASS 
FALL. So, with that in mind, climb up the ladder past the first platform and wasp. Then climb higher onto the second platform where the Imp hoe 
bastard bitch fuck head is. Kill the hoe bastard bitch fuck head then continue on the next ladder. Avoid the next two wasps to the very top. 
As you notice, yes, it is a diving board. Run and jump at then and between the first two chocolates a light blubl will come up. Press B once as fast as 
you can and Conker will turn into an anvil. He'll then slam onto the big B in the barrel thing. This opens up an iron gate below the sun flower with big 
jugs. Now carefully climb out of the barrel and DO NOT JUMP OFF OR ELSE YOU WILL FUCKING TAKE A LONG ASS FALL. Just carefully walk 
across the edge of it to another ladder. Then go down from here to the iron gate in the river. There will be some talking toys like Chucky in here. Kill 
them and grab the $100. Now leave this area because you are fucking done here. More cookies!

-----{5d} Windy Once More {5d}-----

-----{5d1} Poo Cabin {5d1}-----

Now once you are back in Windy, instead of going down into Windy, go right into the area that Conker said smells like crap. He will put on a gas 
mask and now you will have to go into the little cabin there in the middle of the place. Kill the Imp fuckers on the way. Now talk with the lady bug 
there that cusses quite a bit. Can't hear it, though. He mainly says fucking and shit. Haha, fucking shit. Anyways, go onto the B-Pad and do the anvil 
thing again. This will open up the wonderful world of shit. Walk towards the room with the big hole in the center. Don't fall in there, or else you'll end 
up back in the cabin. Now jump on that rope and go up until you find another rope. Jump onto that one. Climb until you reach a platform. Wait until 
the Imp cock sucker dick head is out of the way then jump onto it. Now kill the cock sucker dick head Imp and be on your way. Carefully walk to the 
other rope and jump onto that. Now jump to the upwards slope finding a door leading out of this son of a bitch ass cabin.

-----{5d2} Pruned {5d2}-----

After the cutscene with the bull that hates red, make a complete U Turn to your left to reach some barrels of Prune Juice. Suprised there's no old 
people around. Now jump onto the tall one and wait for a ball of shit to pass by. The balls shit that fall go in a pattern. 2 drop and roll down. Then 2 
just drop and break. So I'd wait for the 2 that roll down to pass then go onto that little platform when the breaking ones come up. Now hurry and 
spring jump onto the next part and Tail Spin over the rolling ones and watch out for fucking breaking ones. Once you are done with that jump on the 
platform at the end of the little roof. Now hurry and get out of the way onto the next platform before the next ball of shit drops on you. Notice there is 
a huge ass mother fucking tap. You will have to jump on this and spin the direction of the arrow until the cutscene starts. This will release the old 
people juice. Err... prune juice.

-----{5d3} Yee Haa! {5d3}-----

Ok, if you need chocolate for this part, it's scattered along the outer rim of the shit river. So swim along the river and get it instead of going across the 
island. Now, you see the target? Good. Normally you would have to go right in front of it and let the bull hit it but Tail Spinning to avoid him. I have 
an easier way, swim in the river to the wooden bar behind the target. Now just jump on the wooden bar and carefully walk and then jump on the 
circle part and then wait for the bull to hit the target. You won't get hurt in any way at all so don't worry. Now watch the cow come out and eat grass. 
Here do the same thing, except it's different. Now the target is a big square. Just spring jump behind it onto the top and wait for the bull to get stuck 
in it. Now jump on his back and at least try to control him over to the cow. Once in position right in front of it, press B. The bull will now charge back 
and ram the cow. Now the cow will say this is nonsense and go over to the prunce juice and drink. ***Warning*** The following is kind of gross! The 
cow will now get the shits and you'll be able to see the cow with the mad shits shitting into the hole in the middle of the island. Now repeat the thing 
with the big square target and hit the cow to shred her into pieces. Do this for the next two cows and then the bull will fall through the hole calling 
himself a fat bast{ard}. 

-----{5d4} Sewage Sucks {5d4}-----

Now jump through that hole and you'll notice the cabin is now flooded with shit. Swim into the room where the B-Pad is. Go to that and Conker will 
get Confidence Pills. This allows him to swim under water without those gay ass faggot floaties. Go under water from here and swim to the room with 
the bull, but keep going straight into room you very first started except before exiting, go up to get the money you saw when you first came in. Now 
exit back into the cabin.

-----{5d5} Great Balls Of Poo {5d5}-----

The lady bug shows you he has made a ball of shit out of the shits the cows had. Now go over to it and kill the shit fucking Imps. Once they're out of 
the way, roll the ball of poo over to the left of the poo cabin  where that Imp fucker fag fuck is all the way to the edge fo the shit waterfall. Kill him then roll it where there is a sign that strictly says No Poo Balls! Fuck that, roll it over the edge onto an Imp. He now becomes the mighty Shit Imp Of Doom. He can't do anything so don't worry. Now go down to that platform and jump on the nail type B-Pad. This will open up a whirlpool in the middle of the lake. The two Imp fucker heads there will go down into it. Dumbasses. Now what you need to do is swim across this lake avoiding the whirlpool into the door on the other side. You have now earned yourself yet another cookie.

-----{5e} Bats Tower {5e}-----

-----{5e1} Mrs. Catfish {5e1-----

In my opinion, this part is the gayest part of the whole game. Anyways, talk to the catfish in the river and they'll tell you there's a dogfish on the other 
end of the river. Once through with the talk, swim down the river and you will see the dogfish. Avoid it and dive under water into the passage that is 
open with light coming out of it. You'll eventually come up into the base of the Bats Tower. Now, talk to the Cog that cusses a lot, thats the yellow 
clock type thing next to the big ass one. This is probably the best part of this area. The part where he cusses. You can't hear it but you can tell he says 
Fuck and something else.

-----{5e2 Barry's Mate {5e1}-----

You now have to go all the fucking way to the fucking top of the fucking tower. Step on the wooden elevator thing and kill the Imp Gimp. A gimp is a
transvestite basically. Anyway, once he's out of the way, carfully walk across the log. When the light bulb comes up press B and Conker will fry a bat 
that tries to hit you and knock you down. At the end, beat up the Imp man whore and climb up the rope. Do this for a while until you reach a lever. 
Don't pull it yet unless you don't want $100. To get to it, climb the rope to your left and Tail Spin around the top of the tower to get the $100. Now go 
back down to the lever and pull it. Then carefully get back down.

-----{5e3} Cog's Revenge {5e3}-----

Once at the bottom where you started, you'll see there is a red cog running around the spinning thing you'll spin later. Run the opposite way the cog is 
running and when it starts to slide, hit it and carry it back to the cussing cog and Conker will put it on. Sound pornographic when he puts it on. 
Anyway, you'll have to find two more of these. 

As for the second one, swim back down the entrance to the base, but this time instead of going all the way down, there is now a hole opened by the 
lever you pulled. Good job, buddy! Swim through there and avoid the gay Imps, you'll find the second cog. Hit it. Grab it. Swim back. Put it on the 

The last one is a bit further. From the second cog room there is a passage way with an Imp in it. Kill the bastard then get the cog. Now go all the way 
back and finish the last of the cogs. Sometimes the cogs will come off the pole things but they'll just be in the base room. Just hit them and put them 
back on. No problem. Now go the spinning thing and spin in the direction of the arrow like you did with the mad shits cows. A cutscene will show and 
yeah.. next.

-----{5e4} The Combination {5e4}-----

Go back to where the dog fish is. Swim back to the catfish and talk to them. Now you have to guide them to the vault. Just avoid the Imps down the 
river to the vault. The catfish will not take any damage seeing they are indestructible little bitches. They will open the vault by switching the code 
from Wrong to Right. Now jump in and go inside for the cash.

-----{5e5} Blast Doors {5e5}-----

The stupid bastard hoe money went down all the fucking way. Shithead. Now go to the B-Pad. Conker gets his sling shot out again and you'll have to 
hit the arrows in the order as they are on the wall. Do this and the floor will open to reveal another B-Pad. On this Pad Conker will get a work head 
with a head lamp on it so he can see in the dark water. 

-----{5e6} Clang's Lair {5e6}-----

Dive in the water and work your way all the way to the bottom. Swim to the sides to avoid the Clang. That's the eyeball type thing that swims in your 
way. If you're low on air, that's Conker's face in the upper right corner, then go into one of the lighted cages for more air. Once at the bottom go 
through the green lighted tunnel avoiding the clang. In this room, if you haven't already, swim up to get more air. Dive back in and go through the 
blue lighted tunnel. In this room swim up to the top and pull the lever. This opens a new route. Go back under fucking water and take the green 
lighted tunnel into the next room. Then take another green lighted tunnel. Swim up here making sure to get some air. Now go all the way to the top. 
Get out and drop through the pipe here. Holy fucking shit that was fucking long.

-----{5e7} Pisstastic {5e7}-----

Can you tell what you're going to do by the name of this chapter? Let's see. Beat up the faggot ass bitch Imp in the tunnel and run to the end for the 
cutscene. Now you must face burning Imp bastards from hell. Not to worry, from where you start, turn around and press B on the B-Pad to get Conker 
wasted. Now what you need to do is wash the burning Imp bastards from hell by pressing B. See what that does? Yes, Conker pisses on the burning 
Imp bastards from hell. Just piss on enough of them without dying and then a cutscene will start. If you run out of piss just go back and get wasted 
even more.

-----{5e9} Brass Monkeys {5e9}-----

----- Boss ----- Big-Bollocked Boiler -----

Now you have to fight a boiler with big balls. Get the boiler's attention then run to any of the corners of the room. Once he's on the gray metal square, 
Spring Jump to grab a handle. This will release poo onto the boiler. While it's recovering run up to his balls and press B when the light bulb appears. 
Then see what Conker does. I wouldn't want that to happen to me. Do this for the other 3 corners in the room. Ignore the burning Imps from hell and 
roll one of his balls onto the sensitive pad by the exit door. The other down the passage way that you opened. Now run after the cash for just $10. 
Fucking bull shit.

-----{5e8} Bull fish's Revenge {5e8}-----

After the cutscene, you must swim past the bastard dogfish and swim like fucking hell jumping over each catfish to make the dogfish eat it. Do this for 
all four of the catfish and everything will be just fine. Once it crashes, jump on his back and get the wads of $300 in there. That's more like it, bitch. 
Now leave here through the doorway.

-----{5f} Windy Again {5f}-----

-----{5f1} Great Balls Of Poo II {5e1}-----

Swim past the whirlpool back to the poo cabin. Get a ball of shit and roll round the back of the cabin and look for a sign that says Upper --->  Now 
rollthe shit up this slope all the way avoiding the lady bugs on the way. At the top Conker will put dynamite in it and blow up the fat ass lady bug. 
Once he's out of the way, get another ball of crap and roll on the lower slope. This one is longer but it's the only way into the next area. So roll it all 
the way up avoiding the damned lady bugs and through the hole to open up the boarded up hole at the bottom. Either do that, or leave the ball of 
shit at the top and spring jump on it for money. Once you're done, go down into the hole at the bottom.

-----{5g} Sloprano {5g}-----

-----{5g1} Corn Off The Cob {5g1}-----

After the lady bug tells you his story about how his buddies got eaten and the big hand of shit flipped him off, you will now have to go to the three 
circles and get a piece of sweet corn. Then throw it into the big bowl of crap in the center. First off, go to the nearest circle. A hand will pop out and 
try to smash you so watch out. Usually the hand will smack the sweet corn so you won't have to. But that doesn't always happen so have your bat 
ready. Just hit the corn and carry it like you did the cheese. Then go to the ledge sticking out of the circle and Conker will throw it automatically. Did I 
spell that right? Now continue on the skinny walk way watching out for balls of poo dropping from the ceiling. You can see the shadow before it drops 
so look before you walk. Tail Spin across the gap and watch out for more poo balls.

Now do the same thing you did on the first circle. Hit the corn. Grab the corn. Throw the corn. Watch out for the fucking hand of shit. Then do this for 
the third circle. And yes, there are balls of crap dropping from the ceiling along the way. Once you've completed this... you'll see.

-----{5g4} Sweet Melody {5g4}-----

----- Boss ----- Great Mighty Poo -----

This giant pile of crap isn't too hard. It's just a fucking long ass fight. Go back to the first circle before you actually do anything. What you need to do 
is avoid the balls of crap he's throwing at you. Do this until he starts singing. Then go to the B-Pad. Press B. Conker will pull out some toilet paper. Aim 
it at his mouth. Fire the toilet paper in his mouth and you will make him throw up. You only have to do this once for the first circle, twice for the 
second, and 3 times for the third. Easy, 1 2 5. I mean 3. So, just keep firing toilet paper into his mouth until he starts the next verse.

Once you got the last circle done, try to ignore the balls of shit he's throwing and make your way to the room with the glass wall that The Great
Mighty Poo broke. Go in there, get the money, then Tail Spin to grab the flusher. This flushes the big ass pile of shit down the center bowl. Congrats,
you have just defeated Thr Great Mighty Poo! Cookie time.

Ok, now go to the third circle and jump off the ledge from where you threw the sweet corn. Make sure to aim before you jump because you need to 
land on one of the platforms. Once you've done this, see the little door way? Yes, go through it into the next area.

-----{5g2} U-Bend Blues {5g2}-----

You are in the U-Bend, in case you didn't already know that. Now run to the end and Tail Spin across the little circled walk way passing the Imp fucks 
and into the water. This part is hard. Dive under and you will see three rotating blades. What you have to do? Go through an opening in the blades 
as fucking fast as you can. Now do this for the other two sets of blades and go upwards to the top. Right, that's the only way upwards can go. Now you 
have to face all of these blades. It's fairly easy once you get the hang of it... if you ever do. Now you should see a rope. Climb up it and CAREFULLY 
AS FUCKING HELL, jump onto an open spot between the blades and start running. Tail Spin when a blade comes near seeing as Conker can't run fast 
enough. Go around the circle until you get to a ladder. Quickly jump onto the ladder and climb up. You'll now be on another barrel type thing. Just 
walk along the edge killing the bastard fucker shit Imp if you want to. Go along the wooden walkway towards the weasels and watch the cutscene.

-----{5g3} The Bluff {5g3}-----

Conker's a smart ass squirrel isn't he. Ok, go through the door way and now you'll see raptors running around a small castle thingermajigger. What 
you need to do is run around to the back of it, that's the other side from where you start, Tail Spinning to avoid these red bastards. Go through the 
doorway on the castle and watch out when you come out the other doorway. Notice that you're higher up. Yay! Ok, now do the same thing to get to the 
other side. Once up here, you'll notice a giant caveman head made of stone. Jump on to the top of it and press B when the light bulb comes up. Conker 
will then do the anvil trick for the third time. Do this a couple more times and the head will fall through. So will Conker, which takes you to the next 
area. Oh, and grab the $100 running around like a damn maniac on top of the castle.

-----{5h} Uga Buga {5h}-----

-----{5h1} Drunken Gits {5h1}-----

Ok, get off the head and don't go down the doorway. Instead, turn around and you'll notice a Rock Solid club. Rock creatures are wandering around 
like dumbasses but one of them is still rolled up. Avoiding the other ones, roll this one down the doorway you were tempted to go down. Now you can 
go through it. So uhh... go through it. You'll notice that it's one big ass room. Yeah, now go behind the giant dinosaur head and you'll see some Imps 
that are gay with each other. Now, make sure the door has an upward arrow on it, not a red square. So go through the door with the arrow on it 
killing the gay Imps if you feel like it.

-----{5h2} Sacrafice {5h2}-----

Go along the walkway avoiding the cavemen. They will scream and chase you but they're slow as hell. Run along the walkway until you reach a 
walkway that leads to a giant egg. Jump on the turtle's stone and he will flip you up on top of the egg. Press B. Now Conker is a proud mother. Lead 
the dinosaur all the way back to where the cavemen are bowing down to the dinosaur head. Once here, go on the B-Pad and.... press... B. Conker will 
get out his slingshot. Look for a giant upwards arrow. Hit it. Now lead the dinosaur onto the opened stone. If he doesn't stay then keep doing it until 
he stays. Now get out the slingshot again. Look for a giant downwards arrow. Watch the cutscene which kills the newly born dinosaur. Aww. That sucks. 
Let's move on. The gian dinosaur head will say he is pleased with your offering. Selfish bastard. Now jump onto the turtle's stone again and land on 
the dinosaur head.

-----{5h3} Phelgm {5h3}-----

Grab the $100 all the way to the back of the head. Kill the Imp hooker. Now walk back to the dinosaur's nostrils. Watch out for the green stuffs that 
comes out. Once that's out of the way, go into the nostril and you will now have to Press B. Conker puts some pepper in the nostril. Do this for the 
other one and the dinosaur will sneeze. That gets rid of the mucus on his tongue. Now go through the passage with the swinging ball thing. Make sure 
not to get hit by it. Now there's a fork in the road. Go to the right. There will be some pits so jump out of those and avoid the swinging 
thingermajigger. Go all the way until you find an exit. Go through it and Conker will find a hat that will fool the cavemen. Just go all the way back out 
of the mouth and watch the cutscene.

-----{5h4} Worship {5h4}-----

Lead all the cavemen through back to the Rock Solid club. What you need to do here is destroy all of the rock creatures. Once the cavemen have one 
in sight, they will start beating on it. When they do so, go up to it and beat on it yourself until it blows up. Do this for all of the rock creatures and the 
bouncer will say he's impressed. Conker gives him the pass word to get into the club.

-----{5h5} Rock Solid {5h5}-----

You are now in the noisest club in the goddamn world. Step on the button right there. It opens a door way under Berri. Then get off. It closes. So what 
you have to do is go down the slope avoiding the rock dancers at the bottom. Go behind the bar and there will be a rock dude rolled up in a ball. Roll 
him all way up to the button so that it's opened permanently. Go back to the bar and look for a beer stand. Press B under it like you did with the 
burning Imp bastards from hell. Once Conker is wasted, piss on the rock dude closest to the doorway. Piss on him to make him roll down the doorway. 
Go to the center of the club and look for a Feel Good Drink. Go on up to that and get Conker un-drunk. Now go to where the slope is. Go right and 
you'll see a big red arrow point up next to some ledges. Spring Jump to get on each ledge. Once on top, roll the rock dude to the end avoiding the 
wanna be strippers. At the end there's a button, roll him on it and it opens two door ways next to the middle one. Go and get Conker wasted again 
and piss on one of the rock dudes through any of the two door ways. This breaks Berri's cage. She runs pass you but oh well. Now go back up the 
ledges and under the second dancer is a ledge. Jump on that. Or fall. Now Tail Spin into the cage where the money is. You have to get this or else you 
won't be able to leave this place. Once you've got the money, leave this place. Ah, but you can't leave just yet. Damnit. Damn it all. Ok, maybe you can.

-----{5h6} Bomb Run {5h6}-----

After the cutscene, Conker now has a bomb that is ticking from 1:30. Just run all the way back through the dinosaur head to where you got the hat. 
Make sure to go left this time in the mouth instead of right. Go right and you'll die a slow painful death. Once you've blown up whatever it is you just 
blew up, Conker must now escape to the other side. Jump on the rocks floating on top of the lava as fast as you can until you get to the other side. Go 
through the doorway into what the fuck's next. I hate this part.

-----{5h7} Mugged {5h7}-----

After you've been robbed of your $1000 or so, you have to race these fags. Go along the walkway killing the lost gay Imp and go through the 
doorway. Now walk onto the hoverboard. Hoverboard race... Back To The Future 2 sounds pretty familiar right about now. Here are the controls for 
the hoverboard:

*::                                                                                                                        ::*
*:: Hold Left Thumbstick forwards - Accelerate                                                 ::*
*:: A - Jump                                                                                                          ::*
*:: B - Swing Bat                                                                                                   ::*
*::                                                                                                                           ::*

Now what you need to do is follow the track until you reach a caveman avoiding the dinosaur along the way. You will also have to jump at a ledge 
that just drops. If you don't Conker will blow up. In order to get your money back, you have to get close to the first two cavemen and hit them with your 
bat. Once you get the first two out of the way, the track will change. At the part where you turn on the dirt part, after you already turned, instead of 
going straight, you have to make a hard turn right into a tunnel. Keep going through this track until you beat the third caveman. Once he is out of the 
way the track will change back and you'll have to jump off the little wooden jump into the small room with the money. You'll automatically get it and 
Conker will go through the hole into the next area of this... area.

-----{5h8} Raptor Food {5h8}-----

After the cutscene, run over to the two cavemen by the big ass door. The raptor will be released so run the fuck away from it. Run to the B-Pad in the 
middle and Press B fast. This will hypnotize the raptor. Once he is asleep jump onto his back. Now you get to run around the arena eating cavemen. 
Yay, what fun! Do so by pressing B to hit and knock them down. Press B again to pick them up into your mouth. One more time, press B to eat him. 
Once you eat enough they will send out the infantry.The first set are clubbers so just keep eating them all until they send out spear throwers. Wait 
until they throw the spears. Jump to avoid the spears. Once they are getting more out, eat 'em. Just keep doing this until they are all dead... inside 
the raptor's stomach.If you fall off the raptor at any part you must hypnotize him again. So be careful.

-----{5h9} Buga The Knut {5h9}-----

----- Boss ----- Buga The Knut -----

This guy is fucking huge. His only two attacks are a club swing to smash your ass and a stomp that sends out a dirt wave which you have to jump over. 
So make sure you are of some distance. In order to defeat this fat ass, when he raises his club to hit you, run up as fast as possible and press B in 
front of his balls to bite it. His pants now fall down. Run around the back of him and press B when the bulb appears to bite a chunk out of his ass. Do 
this two more times and his "big" secret will be revealed.

After the cutscene run over to the platforms and climb up to reach the big babe. Follow the money and you'll now be on a cliff walk. Kill all the Imp 
bitches and get the money. Now jump back into the U-Bend. Don't swim this time unless you like seeing Conker split in two. Instead, get out right next 
to the U-Bend and walk along the walkway into the door way. This leads you back to Sloprano. Jump into the bowl to re appear in the poo cabin. Now 
head into Windy.

-----{5i} Windy Visit The Fourth {5i}-----

-----{5i1} Wasp's Revenge {5i1}-----

Go back on down to Mrs. Bee and you'll see her hive has been stolen once again. This time you have to go a bit further to get it. Now, after the 
cutscene about your $400 reward, make your way to the wasp hive and go inside. Walk along this little walkway killing the Imp shitfucks along the 
way until you reach the big gun hive in the middle. This is the fun part. Jump on the hive and use the gun to blast enough wasps to get out of here. 
Controls are as follows:

*::                                                                                                                                                        ::*
*:: Left Thumbstick - Aim. It's inverted so that means up is down and down is up.                          ::*
*:: Hold Right Trigger - Fire                                                                                                                 ::*
*::                                                                                                                                                           ::*

Once you've killed enough wasps, Mrs. Bee will magically appear out of thin air and tell you to bring the hive back. So just grab the hive and run like 
hell all the way back to get the $400. You haven't had a cookie for a while so grab one ya greedy bastard.

-----{5i2} Mr. Barrel {5i2}-----

You're gonna need $2110 for the next part so check Cash Locations {6} if you don't have enough. Once you do, go up the slope where those brown 
spots are on the ground. It's the one with the windmill. Worms are going to pop out. Tail Spin over them to avoid the fags. Once at the top, Conker 
pays Mr. Barrel the money to ride him down the slope you have just climbed up. Jump on Mr. Barrel and control him all the way down. Once at the 
bottom, Mr. Barrel opens up a new path in the river for ya. Now swim into that.

-----{5j} Spooky {5j}-----

-----{5j1} Mr. Death {5j1}-----

Son of a bitch. Kill the ugly ass Chucky type babies along the passage until you reach outside. Now swim past the babies on the little island thing 
straight over to Gregg swinging his blade on a stick at some catfish. Talk to him and he says weird shit. Follow the walkway until you see a demon 
head. Swim through his mouth into this next part. Pull the lever you now see and head back to Gregg. He gives you a shotgun with which you can shoot 
the heads of the babies and zombies clean off. Go through the newly opened doorway and face some bastardly zombies. Hold the Right Trigger to 
bring up a laser and an annoying noise. Release it to fire. You can only shoot their heads to kill them. Once you've killed enough Gregg will appear at 
the door and he'll open it or whatever. Just ignore the zombies and go through the door. Now there is a twisted up path. Kill the Chucky babies like 
you did the zombies but go slow because skeleton worms pop out. Damn it. Stupid faggot bitch fuckers. Once you reached the door to the haunted 
house... uhh... I don't know... go inside.

-----{5j2} Count Batula {5j2}-----

Conker's a bat. Read the controls in the Basic Controls and Generic Tips {4} Or if you're too lazy you can read below.

*::                                                                                 ::*
*:: A - Go down                                                             ::*
*:: B - Rise                                                                      ::*
*:: Right Trigger - Shit                                                    ::*
*:: Left Trigger - Anus Cam (Nasty... but funny)             ::*
*::                                                                                       ::*

What you have to do is feed you're great, great, great, great, great grandpa villagers. In order to do this, you must shit on a villager when Conker 
gets a sonar. That's little white lines that come from Conker, he squeaks too. If you've hit a villager with your poo, Conker will squeak, so go down and 
grab the villager and bring him back to the grinder. The first set is in the library which is to your right when you first start. The last set, which is the 
second, is in the room where you would go straight from where you start. It's the room with the big steps. Once you've completed this, the fat gray 
bastard will become too fat and fall in the grinder. Now Conker changes back.

-----{5j3} Zombies {5j3}-----

Now you have to get out of this place. You must find three keys and put them into the big front door to open it and leave. The first one is to your left 
from where you start. Follow the ledges here and you'll end up at a doorway that goes above the dining room. Shoot the zombies and carefully walk 
along the walkways to the first key. Carry it all the way back to where you started and go through the doorway into the library. Go around the edge 
and down the stairs avoiding the zombies to the carpeted hallway. Go through this and it leads you to the big front door. Put the key in there and on 
to the next key.

The second key is through the other carpeted hall next to the big ass staircase. You'll eventually reach the outside garden. Find your way to the center 
of the maze and get the key all the way back to the front door.

The last key is high up so be fucking careful. Go up the staircase and through the doorway on the left to where you started. Go around the edge 
again and up the ladder next to the doorway to the dining room. At the top look to the left and you'll see a lever. Jump over to it and pull it. It opens 
another route. Go back to the ladder. You'll see the key on the otherside of the room so fucking carefully like I said before, jump on the pipe, and 
over to the key. Carry the key along the platform through the new doorway that leads to the hall again. Put it in the door and you're done. Cookie!

-----{5j4} Mr. Barrel {5j4}-----

Mr. Barrel's back to the left of the big staircase. Jump on him and go through the door, down the twisted path CAREFULLY, through the graveyard, 
and into the blood river. Now, see the hill of the blood river? Yes, go up it into the doorway. Mr. Barrel breaks so don't worry. He'll be fine. You're 
now back in the training level. But first get the money. Now make your way back to Windy.

-----{5k} It's War {5k}-----

-----{5k1} It's War {5k1}-----

This is probably the longest part of the game. First off, after the war commercial thing, go over to the wasp hive but when you get to the barbed wire 
fence right before the hive, go into the door that is now open behind the fence.

-----{5k2} Power's Off {5k2}-----

After the talk with the general, the guy that works behind the bar at the Cock and Plucker, says his phrase "Fuck That Shit" a lot, go to the peir with 
the big B-Pad at the end but don't go to it yet. First, jump over to the beach on the right and pull the lever down there. This turns the power back on. 
Now go back up to where you started and push the crate the way the arrows are pointing until you can't push it any more. Run up the slope and go to 
the B-Pad right in front of the bathroom door and uhh... press B.

-----{5k3} TNT {5k3}-----

You have to push two TNT guys to each side of the big plane. An easy way to control them is to use the camera to try to keep looking straight to where 
you wanna go. Once out of the bathroom, push the TNT dude down the slope so he hits the box. If you don't push the box he'll slide down the steps and 
blow up. Now go down the slope and push him to the left. Follow this walkway avoiding the jumping crates all the way so he's right next to the plane. 
He should say he needs a rest or something like that, but he sits next to the plane.

Now go back up to the bathroom by swimming to the steps and get the next guy. Push this guy down the slope making sure the box is still there 
before doing so. This time push the TNT guy down the left walkway. Watch out for mines so just walk along the gray path that you can barely see. All 
you need to do is run past them and they won't get you. Push him all the way to the other side until he sits next to the plane. Now swim to the steps 
and go to the B-Pad at the end of the pier. Conker gets out his slingshot again so shoot both of the TNT guys. Now the plane blows up or something 
and it's time for The Assault.

-----{5k4} The Assault {5k4}-----

Ok. After the not-ripped-off introduction, you must run up the beach. First, run to the green flare behind the tripod and hide there. Once the shooting 
stops, Tediz are reloading at this point, run to the red flare behind that tripod. Now just keep running behind the flared tripods until you reach the 

-----{5k5} Soul Survivor {5k5}-----

After the TING! and the light bulb comes up, press B to get the machine gun. Now press B to pull it out. Sweeeeeeet. Shoot the damned Tediz to 
death. Once they're all gone, shoot the door with the big lock on it and shoot past some more Tediz. They're hiding but you can run and kill them all 
easily. Conker reloads automatically so don't worry. Also, don't get too close or else the Tediz will stab your ass. Not literally but you get my point. 
Once they're all gone, another door will open to reveal lasers. Crawl under the first part, then go right and left for the second part. Now take your 
gun out and turn the corner to kill some more bastardly bastards.

Reach the next laser set kill all the Tediz and go through the lasers by Tail Spinning, waiting to lower, then quickly going through. Tediz will come out 
of the ceiling so look for metal squares on the ceiling. Keep killing until you get to the lift.

After you pass that, you're almost to the Casualty Dept. Tail Spin again to get past the lasers but go by fast 'cause Tediz come out fast. Turn the corner 
slow because there's a flame thrower right here. In order to pass the fucker, wait until he stops then quickly run across. Now keep passing these 
bitches and more Tediz. Tail Spin over the floor lasers and when you get to the final set of lasers, do a small jump heading straight into... Home 

-----{5k6} Casualty Dept. {5k6}-----

Kill all the knife-throwing bastards to bring out the bad news. A big, fat ass multiple knife-throwing Tedi. Just keep shooting him avoiding his knives 
until he dies. Now go to the other door and help this squirrel. I don't remember if it lets you save him but just pull a lever. If you pull the right one, 
which is the one I pulled, it'll probably somewhat kill the guy. So, try the left and see. If that doesn't work then goddamnit. Anyway, just pull the lever 
you didn't pull to open the door. Run to the other door at the end and Tediz will come out. So run back to the big gun on that circle thing and start 
killing them all. They come from the two directions so look closely. Once they're gone, go over to the exit.

-----{5k7} Saving Private Rodent {5k7}------

Those fucking bastards are gonna kill Rodent. Shoot the Tedi that talked a lot first since he throws stick grenades that'll blow your ass up. Then kill 
everyone else. And now Conker re-meets an old friend, Rodent. Who the hell would name their son Rodent... 

Now you have to run along this path avoiding the bombs and mines. I don't know of any way to avoid the mines, but a way to avoid the bombs is that 
you can see the shadow of them before they hit the ground. So look for that as well as mines that pop up outta no where. It goes in a pattern, too. 
Bomb. Mine. Bomb. Mine. All the way through. Once you get to the end, there's a really big metal door. Jump in the water and use the B-Pad on the 
big buoy to fire rockets at the four big red bolts on the door. Shoot all of them, then kill the Tediz. Now go through the crack in the door to the next 

-----{5k8} Chemical Warfare {5k8}-----

Jump in the tank and fire at the radioactive symbol on the door to open it. Get out and go inside. The walkway is small, and mines are on it. Yay. The 
best way to pass this is by jumping over the pit thing over to the mine and running like hell back over the pit so the mine falls in. Smart, huh? Do this 
for all the mines and pull the lever at the end. Now run all the way back to the door by Tail Spinning over the pits. 'Cause of course, the damn waste is 
gonna overflow the place.

-----{5k9} The Tower {5k9}-----

This part's a little hard so don't break your controller over it. Ok. Once in the tank, go through the door to the right. Yes, the big door, damnit. Now, 
just follow the directions carefully and you'll understand:

Drive up to the gap but do not drive too close.

Get out of the tank and Tail Spin across the gap.

Kill the Tedi(z). Unless you're already in the tank. Like on the second leg, you're in the tank and Tediz are around. Just run 'em over.

Go onto the metal bridge and press B so Conker will go into the anvil and smash it down.

Drive over it and shoot at the yellow and black stripe part on each of the tower legs to blow it up.

Just drive around doing this making sure the tower's guns aren't looking at you when you're doing this. It can't shoot you while in the tank so don't 
worry. Once you've blown up the fourth leg, the tower falls down. One of the legs makes a bridge. How convienient. Walk across it and go through the 

-----{5k10} Little Girl {5k10}-----

There's a little girl in the middle... apparently stuck or she's just retarded. But there are submarines around, so go to the blue-highlighted B-Pad 
behind one of the tower things. Chocolate is in each of these towers in case you need any. Once on the B-Pad, Conker pulls out a rocket launcher. You 
now have to shoot the submarines with your rocket launcher. If they fire missiles, run away right in front of the back of the tower. Once they come back 
up, blow 'em up as quick as possible. Do this for all of the towers. The number of submarines grows so be careful. Once you're done go back to the 
little girl and you'll notice she is not at all a little girl... bitch.

-----{5k13} The Experiment {5k13}-----

----- Boss ----- The Experiment -----

This guy/girl/transvestite is a pain in the ass to beat. Run to the tank, which is to your right, and jump in. What you have to do is in the following:

Shoot the guns in both of its hands.

When the little girl is up in the air, shoot her.

See that red button? Yes, shoot it.

Do this for each pair of guns. The last are lasers that run on the ground and they'll blow your ass up so watch it.

-----{5k11} Countdown {5k11}-----

Now another countdown, yay! Yup, you gotta get the hell out of this whole war place. In order to do so, drop down into the newly opened hole and Tail 
Spin diagonal left past the lasers. For the second set, climb on the box, and Tail Spin over those. Third, Tail Spin diagonal right. Fourth, climb over the 
box and then carefully Tail Spin but wait a little bit before actually going through. Now you have to kill some Tedi bitch hoes. For the fifth set, get on 
the edge of the box and crawl past the lasers. Same for the sixth set but be more careful 'cause there's another laser after it. For the last set, just 
crawl under them.

Now kill a whole hell of a lot of Tediz with a rocket launcher. Stay hidden so you can prepare. Once they're gone go through the door.

This part sucks ass. Literally. You have to run back down the beach. This time, avoiding Tediz with rockets. Follow the path and theres one to the right 
of the tripod. Then theres one to the left once you go around it. Now turn around quick 'cause theres gonna be one behind you. Then go into the big 
open area along the left side and kill the guy there. Then kill the guy which is all the way against the wall back where you were. Then go back and kill 
the two dudes by the tripod. Now go around the barb wire fence for two more. Then run to the lander and that's it. Cookie!

-----{5k12} Peace At Last! {5k12}-----

This is the easiest part of the game.

Climb.... up......... the steps.

Leave..... Woo!

-----{5l} Heist {5l}-----

In case you're wondering, the l in 5l is an L.

-----{5l1} The Windmill's Dead {5l1}-----

Go to the top of the windmill, the one with the worms where you met Mr. Barrel. Go around the wooden walkway to the floor and go inside. Talk to the 
weasel you met at Rock Solid and you meet Berri for just the second damn time. You get a really cool suit, though. Now go inside.

-----{5l2} Enter The Vertex {5l2}-----

This is the most fun part of this game. What you gotta do, after the matrix intro, is hide behind the big pillar on the green B-Pad and wait for weasels 
to come out. Now just press B and you'll do a side flip thing so shoot in slow mo to kill them. It's the easiest and funnest way. Just do this until you've 
killed enough and Berri will deactivate the lasers. At the end, go through the door. Now you're in the vault. Go into the door in the orange lighted 
walkway to go into the real part of the vault.

Here's the part where I think Conker gets most distracted. Money everywhere. Just beat up some cash and grab it and the screen will eventually fade 
out and say "Some time later..." Now Conker is a mother fucking millonaire. Now after the cutscenes watch out for the alien, Heinrich, and pull the 
lever where the Panther King was sitting.

-----{5l3} The Vault {5l3}-----

----- Boss ----- Heinrich -----

This boss is fairly easy. Here's is how you beat him:

First off, avoid some Tail Swipes and Bites.

Now go up to him and hit him by pressing B until he goes back pretty far and falls over.

Go around back of him while he's down to his tail.

Now you have to swing him and throw him out of the airlock like on Super Mario. Do this by rotating I think the Right Thumbstick in a circle.

If he's clawing on the floor, it'll take a little longer to get him in the air.

Once you think you can aim him right through the airlock, press the Right Trigger to let go and he'll fly out of the air lock.

But the bastard comes back. So you have to do this twice more. The last one is hard as a fucker bitch.

When he does a Bite, hold the Right Trigger so Conker will put the robot hands over his head.

This stuns Heinrich for like 3 seconds so act fast.

While he's stunned, hit him with B and repeat the process.

If done correctly, you'll see a cutscene where Conker freaks out about how he thought it was over. That is the last cutscene of the game. And 
congratulations. You've just beaten story mode. BRING OUT THE MOTHER FUCKING COOKIE POT!

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: {6} ::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
:: Cash Locations                                                              ::
:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: {6} ::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

-----{6a} Hungover {6a}-----

None. Go away. To the next cash place.

-----{6b} Windy {6b}-----

Once you're able to roll poo, get it all the way to the top of the poo mountain. That's going up the Upper way. Don't roll it off or you're screwed and 
have to roll it all the way back up again. Roll it right under the top part. Spring Jump on top of it then Spring Jump again on the top of the mountain 
for the cash.

In front of the main entrance to the wasp hive, Spring Jump into the hole to the left of it. Go inside. Tail Spin to the diaganol right of the one you came 
out of. Go in that and money is on the oustide.

-----{6c} Barn Boys {6c}-----

On the barn roof which you get to by getting the fat ass bitch off of Jack.

Once the sun flower shows her big ass... jugs, jump on them to fly up to the hole in the tree for money.

Inside the barn by the window. To get to this you have to beat Haybot.

In the tunnel that the iron gates block with the Chucky babies in it. To remove it, complete the chapter, Slam Dunk.

-----{6d} Bats Tower {6d}-----

At the very top of the tower along the edge is some cash.

When the catfish have been eaten and the dogfish crashes, jump on his back and into the hole in the wall for $300.

-----{6e} Uga Buga {6e}-----

On the big caveman head.

After you complete Sacrafice, use the turtle's stone to fly up on the big dinosaur's head. Go all the way to the back to get $100.

Once you beat Buga The Nut, leave the arena and follow the walkway that goes around it for another $100.

-----{6f} Spooky {6f}-----

After you get Mr. Barrel to roll you up the hill of blood, go through the doorway and theres $100 right there.

-----{6g} It's War {6g}-----

Why would they put cash here?

-----{6h} Heist {6h}-----

Ok, you have to be a fucking idiot to not do this. It's the $1,000,000 you get before facing Heinrich.

Yes, I skipped some cash locations because they're just too obvious to.. not see.

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: {7} ::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
:: Multiplayer Tips                                                            ::
:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: {7} ::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

Ok, now first off, if you can't find it, it's in the time machine room. Go into Xbox Live and Co at the main menu. It's there. Here's some tips. I'm gonna 
get a beer.

-----{7a} Grunts {7a}-----

Press the Left Trigger at the beginning to go into fully automatic mode. This way it won't just shoot 3 at a time. In this mode, you can easily kill 

The upgrade Grunts get, the Hogster, is a very good weapon against herds of enemies. Press the Left Trigger until you see the little grenade thing 
diagonally down left to where it shows what weapon you have, that has to have two yellow arrows pointing inwards. This makes the grenade explode 
on contact with ground or whatever. Doing this gets easy kills in big groups of enemies.

-----{7b} Sneekers {7b}-----

The best thing with the Sneeker is that it has Cloak and Feign Death. Cloak lets you go invisible until you change weapons, use the weapon, or get hit.
Feign Death fakes a death until you get hit or just press X to get out of it.

The Hacking Device. An easy way to hack your opponent's Mobile Units, Special Ordinances, or just to hack a door. Just whip it out and hold the Right 
Trigger next to one of these.

The sword is a somewhat easy way to kill if you like seeing lots of blood and heads being chopped off.

-----{7c} Demolishers {7c}-----

A good way to get kills with this slow guy is to hide somewhere with your bazooka out. Just wait for enemies to come by and shoot them.
The upgrade these guys get, the Mini-Gun, is an easy ass way to get by blockades like in Beach Dead or Doon. Also an easy way to complete the 
mission. Such as, in Beach Dead, use it on Von Kriplespac to get his health down fast. Same for the Panther King's Heart in Doon.

-----{7d} Thermopiles {7d}-----

The fire gun is a cool and easy way to kill someone. Spray them with the fire and they'll set fire. Try to run away from it and they'll eventually die 
from the fire.

-----{7e} Long Rangers {7e}-----

Now obviously, Long Rangers are an easy way for kills. First get an upgrade so you can see farther and get the two guns the Sky Jockey first has. In 
case an enemy comes up to you while you're using the Widowmaker to fire at enemies far away, you can use the guns to kill them. Go to a real high 
place with an Upgrade so you can see farther. Now just aim carefully at enemies and kill them.

-----{7f} Sky Jockeys {7f}-----

A very easy way to get kills is to get in either a Steed or a Mule 52, doesn't matter, and just fire away at enemies.
In the Steed, use the rockets to fire at ground enemies, and the Lock-On rockets to fire at airborn enemies. To do so, press the Left Trigger until you 
get to a picture of the first red rocket AFTER the gray rocket thing. Hold the Right Trigger while aiming at an airborn enemy until a red circle locks on 
them and a noise sounds. Release to fire and they'll blow up.

Old War:
-----{7g} Beach Dead {7g}-----

Start out as a Demolisher, as they're an easy way to get by the first and second blockades if you're on the SHC. If you're on the Tediz, still start out as 
a Demolisher to fire at SHC at both the tripods and the bridges.

As for the third blockade, it's easy to be either a Grunt on Fully Automatic, or a Demolisher with the Mini-Gun. The Grunts with Fully Automatic can 
easily kill enemies. The Demolishers with the Mini-Gun can get through the door easier. That's why it's easy to actually play with other people.

A helpful way to kill enemies from far away: After you've gotten through the second blockade, be a Demolisher and go through the second blown up 
gate but when you get to the little revine type thing, the part where it's two walls and it gets lower and lower as you go forwards toward the door, 
back up a bit so you're a little far away. Make sure you're on the left side of the door. Press the Right Thumbstick for Head-Cam Mode. This is an easy 
way to get kills 'cause there's Tediz coming down from the bridge after they die. So just wait for one to get there and fire a little ways before they 
actually get there. There's hardly any enemies running after you so you should be able to do this for a while.

-----{7h} Fortress Deux {7h}-----

Here's an easy way to get major points for your team. Choose to be a Grunt. Now go to where your Mobile Units are. Get in a car and drive out the 
the main entrance to your base. Now follow the path way and cross the bridge to the other side. Stop when you get to the walls with the little walkway 
in between them. Get out and go through there passing the enemy on the machine gun if there is one. Go to the right through this walkway once you 
get to the big gun. Follow this way until you reach the flag. Grab it and run back the way you came. Except instead of going across the bridge again, 
go to where the big gray tunnel is next to the bridge. Just go through here and you should end up and your Mobile Units again. Just take the flag to 
the return point and thats it.

-----{7i} Castle Von Tedistein {7i}-----

All I can really say for this one is to shoot for your life. I don't really know of any other tips besides using a Long Ranger to get up to a high place and 
uhh... kill.

Also, try to get to the other side's last button. It should be the one that's highest up. Wait there for someone to hit the other three buttons, then hit the fourth to get fast access into the enemy's machine thingermajigger.

Future War:
-----{7j} A Bridge Too Narrow {7j}-----

Easy way to kill, get the Sky Jockey in a Steed and rise above your base in first person view. Just fire at the enemies the way I mentioned in the tips 
for the Sky Jockey. I got about 350 kills once doing this.

An easy way to bring the enemy's half of the map is to have someone kill everyone behind and in front of you while you run like hell back to your 
upload link.

-----{7k} Three Towers {7k}-----

This one's not one of the easiest but hide in the third tower killing every bad dude that comes up waiting for their tower to downgrade to neutral . 
Now just capture it and just jump out or something. That or be a Sky Jockey and have a plane on the very top of the tower. Just make sure they don't 
blow it up.

-----{7l} Doon {7l}-----

Like I said in the Demolisher tips, use the Mini-Gun to get by the doors easier and to destroy the Heart easier.

Also, use the Hogster with the Grunt to blow up herds of enemies.

Use a Sneeker to hack the Mobile Units on the Tediz side once you get over there, unless you are on the Tediz side. There's a ramp once you get up the 
slope entering to the last door you have to destroy. Go up the ramp, not the one Tediz are coming out of, and go up and turn right. Don't go up the 
big ramp. Go to the platform on the side and you can get to the Mobile Units from there. Now use the Sneeker's Hacking Device to hack it. Then get a 
Sky Jockey to repair it with the Arc Weld because it's disabled. Hold Y to access the Hacking Device and Arc Weld.

-----{7m} TMS Spamono {7m}-----

Not much for this except set Earth Guards as close as you can to the enemies base. This kills them until they blow it up. Sucks, I know.

-----{7n} The Ditch {7n}-----

Use the Sky Jockey's Mule 52 to drop bombs on the enemy base, since that's where they tend to respawn. So keep doing this to get tons of kills.

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: {8} ::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
:: Extra Shit                                                                       ::
:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: {8} ::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

-----{8a} The Great Might Poo Song ***::Uncut::*** {8a}-----

----- {Verse 1} -----

I am The Great Mighty Poo
and I'm going to throw my shit at you.
A huge supply of tish
come from my chocolate starfish.
How about some scat you little twat?

----- {Verse 2} -----

Do you really think you'll survive in here?
You don't seem to know which creek you're in.
Sweet corn is the only thing that makes it through my rear
how do you think I keep this lovely grin?
*Smile and Twinkle*
Have some more caviar.

----- {Verse 3} -----

Now I'm really getting rather mad, you're like a niggly,
tickly, shitty little tag nut.
When I've knocked you with all my bab
I'm going to take your head and ram it up my butt!

Conker: Your butt?
Great Mighty Poo: My butt!
Conker: Your butt?
Great Mighty Poo: Yes, that's right, my butt!
Conker: Err...
Great Mighty Poo: My buuut!
Conker: Err...
Great Mighty Poo: My buuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuut!

-----{8b} Funny Quotes {8b}-----

In the beginning in Hungover, walk around and you can hear: I've got a head like a badger's ass.

Right before you face Frankie: Were your parents related? Like before they were married?

-----{8c} Movie/Game References {8c}-----

Banjo-Kazooie Reference:
At the main menu, go to Options but don't actually go into it. That's where the fireplace is in case you didn't know. Look above the fireplace to see 
Banjo's head from Banjo-Kazooie crossed between two muskets.

Grabbed By The Ghoulies Reference:
At the main menu, go into Game 3. You'll see Cooper from Rare's first Xbox title, Grabbed By The Ghoulies, huddled over a toilet.

Jet Force Gemini Reference:
In the Haunted House, the fireplace in the dining room is also in a room under the castle in the Water Ruins leve of Jet Force Gemini.

Killer Instinct Reference:
While playing story mode, at any time, let the game sit for a bit until Conker pulls out a handheld game and starts playing Killer Instinct.

Tech Dech Reference:
When racing the cavemen on the hoverboard, they look like Tech Dech characters. The first is Spike, the second is Dr. Digit, and the is third Lenny.

Here are some movie and game references in the multiplayer part of Conker: Live & Reloaded.

A Bridge Too Narrow: A Bridge Too Far

Beach Dead: Beach Red or Beachhead

Castle Von Tedistein: Return To Castle Wolfenstein

-----{8d} Funny Shit {8d}-----

At the It's War level, when you get the TNT guy out of the bathroom, look in there. You should see a poster that says something like: I'm Waiting For 
your Conkers... It has a phone number with a picture of Berri playing with herself.

After you leave the War area, go to where Mrs. Bee is in Windy. You'll notice she has been crushed by the windmill and died.

In the Hungover level, look on the fence at the paper/towel thing laying across it. Go into first person, press and hold the Left Trigger, to get a close up of it. It says Le Piss on it and has a glass bottle with the words Pour Squirrel under it.

When playing the chapter, Slam Dunk, it's fun to climb all the way to the top, then run off the edge and DON'T press B. Just watch Conker fall and splat on the big B. Make sure you get the +10 tail before doing this so you don't have to keep watching the cutscene with the Panther King.

In A Bridge Too Narrow, get anyone who can use an Earth Guard. Now go to the enemy's base and wait by the door going into their respawn point. When someone comes out, the door opens and you can go in, so quickly run in. Now set it next to the respawn point. Good job, every time an enemy respawns, they get shot to death.

When playing multiplayer, choose to be on the SHC and pick a Grunt. When in game, shoot anywhere and listen to what he says. "Eat lead shit head!" "Eat lead you fuckin asshole cock sucker!" "*something something something* Get outta my way! What? *something* you fuckin asshole!" "*something something something* You want some of this? Fuck you!" Make sure it's in a quiet place, though. Also, be sure you've got Potty Mouth unlocked, or else you won't be able to hear the bad words.

-----{8e} Hints {8e}-----

+10 Lives:
In the Barn Boys level, go to the Cheese Farm. Jump on the steps next to Burt all the way to the back, not all the all way around, to the part where it
kinda slopes up. Spring Jump and press B when the light bulb comes up. You should now see a tail in there. Grab it because it's worth 10 lives.

More Extra Shit coming soon to a theater near you.

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: {9} ::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
:: Updates                                                                        ::
:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: {9} ::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

Latest 15 updates:

3. June 7th, 2006:
Changed font and edited more spelling errors. Goddamn I suck at spelling.

Added Hints section.

Added each chapter and other stuff to the Table of Contents for an easier way of finding
what you want.

Added to the Funny Shit section.

2. June 6th, 2006: 
Edited Controls and Tips section and minor spelling errors.

Added stuff to the Funny Shit section.

1. June 5th, 2006:
Finished this whole damn thing.

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: {10} ::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
:: Credits                                                                             ::
:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: {10} ::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

I'd like to thank my boredom for giving me the time to make this guide. I'd also like to thank the Lord, for without him, none of this would've ever come true. And I am so honored to be here typing this tonight. To help other people with their problems. It's a real privelige, you know? *Sniff*

And these wonderful sites:

That marks the end of this guide.

Have a nice fucking day.


Go away.