Easter Eggs cheats for The Elder Scrolls III: Morrowind

Easter Eggs

Arlowe, Kyanka And The Banhammer

Once upon a time there was (and there still is) a site called Something Awful, hosted by Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka. In the past, Lowtax was also called R-Lo on the Something Awful Forums, and the Banhammer was called upon when somebody didn't read the rules and made abusive posts, annoying people. Anyway, since Hayt is apparently a member on the Forums there, there are jokes about Something Awful in Morrowind. First of all, there's the body of someone named Arlowe (notice the resemblance to R-Lo) on an island to the west of Tel Aruhn, next to an Ashlander tent - the coordinates are Azura's Coast 13, 5. If you search Arlowe's corpse, you will find the famous Banhammer. Second of all, in Tribunal, if you acquire the Mace of Slurring and then go to the Mournhold Museum of Artifacts and ask the curator about the artifact, she will say the following:

"Yes, it's a rather...odd piece. From what I've gathered, it was crafted near the end of the Second Age by Kyanka, a slightly deranged Altmer weaponsmith and enchanter. He had a rather warped sense of humor, and apparently delighted at the thought of reducing opponents to a gibbering mess before crushing them to death. The mace has, admittedly, seen little use."

Best Designers In Morrowind

After looking everywhere in Vvardenfell, Mournhold and Solstheim, I've reached the conclusion that the Ash Slaves are the best designers that can be found in Morrowind. I took a short interview of one of them and... What, don't you know that you can talk to Dagoth Ur's minions? Of course, you must be undetected first, but you can talk to them like you talk to any NPCs. Anyway, here's what an Ash Slave told me:

"The chairs. The tables. All confused. We hear the words, and must speak them. We take them, and arrange them, but still, they will not be quiet."

Ah, yes, Dagoth Ur wanted to keep up with the latest trends and that's why he made his minions re-arrange the furniture. Or perhaps he's into Feng Shui? Heh... Anyway, while I was visiting one of Dagoth Ur's citadels, Kogoruhn, I asked an Ash Slave to tell me what was wrong with the room he was working at. These were his words:

"Everything is wrong. This is not straight. This is too high. This is in my way. We must put them right."

Bottle In The Sea of Ghosts

To the northeast of Dagon Fel, in the Sea of Ghosts, you can find a submerged bottle near some kollops. It contains a note that you can find here. If you want to see this bottle with your own eyes.

Charles the Plant

I'm quite sure that you know Jobasha, the librarian in Vvardenfell, Vivec City. Well, did you know that he has a very interesting plant called Charles? Yes, that's right. And, if you want to, you can take it's "Meteor Slime" and use it to make potions. Just make sure nobody sees you when you take it.

Creeper

Creeper is so well-known that it's almost a mistake to say that he is an easter egg, even though he was meant to be one. Anyway, for those of you who still don't know him, I should say that he is a very interesting Scamp living in Vvardenfell, Caldera, in the Ghorak Manor. As you might already know, Scamps can communicate, but they usually don't make any sense. But that didn't stop Creeper from becoming a wealthy merchant, since, as you might have found out by yourself, merchants are usually senseless. In fact, because he gets so much business, Creeper can afford to sell items at their real value, having no need or desire to artificially increase the price of his wares according to market trends. How senseless is that?! Now, Creeper's words might not be logical, but they're probably worth recording. Here's what he said the first time I met him:

"I'm creeping!"

Very interesting, isn't it? Next, he said the following:

"Hello Caldera!!! I'm here all week!"

Don't let him fool you: he never leaves the spot you find him in. He also said:

"Help me out. I need the money."

Scholars could argue why he needs even more money than he already has, since he always seems to have at least 5000 gold pieces in his... Er... Pockets? But let's not argue the unarguable, yes? Here's what Creeper said next:

"C'mon... Help a scamp out. You gotta need something. I've got booze..."

He did, indeed, have a lot of booze. In fact, he even had some rare dagoth brandy which I bought from him, but I should warn you that it wasn't too good... So don't try it yourself. Next, the Scamp said the following:

"Don't want to work. Just want to bang on my drum. What's a scamp gotta do?"

This seems like pure nonesense to the uninitiated (meaning me), but Love_From_Above has informed us that there is a song by Todd Rundgren called "Bang The Drum All Day" which goes like this:

I don't wanna work

I just wanna bang on the drum all day

I don't wanna play

I just wanna bang on the drum all day

Interesting. But what, exactly, should a scamp do? Terrorize the countryside? Probably. Anyway, I left Creeper alone with his gold and the half-dozen orcs he lives with, after which I started roaming the West Gash. But that, my friends, is a tale for another time. Also, here's what developer Mark Nelson, AKA BlueDev, said about this easter egg (and about easter eggs in general):

It would be great to be able to include references to all the great fans of our games. It would also be great to include references to all our friends, family, etc. Unfortunately, there just isn't enough time to cover everyone. We do try to sneak them in when we can, though. Heck, Creeper is based on my best friend (who, at the time, was an unemployed drummer [and part-time drunkard]). So, we do what we can. No promises, though. By the way, I figure you might like an explanation as to why Creeper and the Talking Mudcrab Merchant sell things at their base values. Well, bartering was made to only be done with NPCs of the playable races (Breton, Dark Elf, Hight Elf, etc.), and you were not meant to be able to barter with any creatures. See, when determining the price of items in "normal" bartering (with NPCs of playable races), things such as NPC disposition, NPC faction, PC faction, PC rank and PC mercantile skill are taken into consideration. Well, creature NPCs don't have a disposition or a faction, and they are not affected by the PC's mercantile and speechcraft skills. The logical result is that creature NPCs only sell things at their base values. If, however, you happen to stumble across an item that you cannot buy or sell to a creature NPC at it's base value, you should know that the item is probably in a state of disrepair, thus it's reduced cost. Dagoth Brandy Toast

Ah, more about Dagoth Ur's minions. This time, we're going to record the words of Dagoth Endus, the Ash Vampire living in the Sixth House citadel of Endusal. Here's what he says when you greet him:

"I greet you, {Nerevarine's name}. Or Nerevar. Or whoever you are. I'm Dagoth Endus, brother of Dagoth Ur, and lord of Citadel Endusal. Would you like a little ancient Dagoth brandy?"

If you ask him about dagoth brandy, he says the following:

"It is a rare nectar beyond compare, distilled ages before your ancestor's ancestors. And a fitting toast to our challenge. Would you like to sample it?"

If you disagree, here's what he says:

"No? Pity. But then, a pity to waste it on a coward like you. I'm done talking. I await you first blow, challenger."

If you agree, he says the following:

"Then I drink to your health. Bottoms up..."

If, after that, you ask him about dagoth brandy, he says:

"Whenever you're ready, then? You're the challenger, and I am your host. So honor demands that you deliver the first blow."

Needless to say, the Nerevarine killed Dagoth Endus after this short conversation. Now, what should we learn from this incident? Alcohol leads to death... Fishy Stick

This fishy stick was popular in the official forum years before the release of Morrowind. The older members of the forum used to give this fishy stick to new members of the forum, by greeting that person and putting an image of a pirate holding a fishy stick. This was quite hilarious at that time and it became a unique behavior of the Elder Scrolls forum goers. This behavior, which was started by Captain Eldrad, disappeared shortly before the release of Morrowind. However, Bethsoft developers honored this forum goers behavior by putting a book titled "Capn's Guide to the Fishy Stick" in Morrowind, a book located in an ancient shipwreck in the Sheogorad Region. Here's a map made by Freddo. What are the contents of this book, you ask? Well, it just says that the book is supposed to be a definitive reference to fishy sticks throughout Tamriel, but unfortunately the pages are so smeared with fishy stick sauce that it's impossible to read any of them. It's very sad; otherwise you can find the book here in the library. And, now, please enjoy the fishy stick, esteemed reader. Huge Creatures

In the Grazelands, near the mountains just west of the Nerano Ancestral Tomb, monsters are set to spawn doubled in size. Very... Interesting. By the way, the Nerano Ancestral Tomb can be found west of Vos. Indiana Jones

In the Omalen Ancestral Tomb, which can be found north of Kogoruhn, is the skeleton of a world-renowned archaeologist who was crushed by a huge boulder when the cave he was in collapsed. Quite a sad tale, really. If you desire to read this archaeologist's journal, you can find it right here.

And, just so you know, if you one day stumble upon this archaeologist's body, you can't really recover his whip, gun or hat. So don't try.

Lustidrike

Lustidrike is a scamp that you can find in the Daedric ruin of Ald Daedroth, in the same chamber as the famous Ra'Gruzgob and he has some very memorable lines. This is how he greets you:

"Wanna drink, buddy? Got anything you want, so long as it's sujamma."

He certainly has a lot of things that he can offer you, now doesn't he? When you ask him about sujamma, this is what he says:

"Free drinks, f'lah. It's on the house. Only you gotta drink it here. Don't want you drinking and flying out there."

If you accept, this is what he says:

"Sure. Here ya go...."

If you refuse, this is what he says:

"Fine. You're the guest. Whatever you want."

If you accept, but have an intelligence lower than 30, this is what he says:

"Sorry, pal. You've had enough. Go get some exercise or something."

If you later talk to him, this is what he says:

"Back already? Well, go ahead, drink up. It's free."

If, when you talk to him later, your intelligence is below 30, this is what he says:

"Back again? I dunno, pal. You look like you've had plenty. Or maybe you ALWAYS look that way."

M'Aiq The Liar

It was about time, if you ask me, to record the words of the famous Khajiit M'Aiq in the Imperial Library, but it's better late than never, isn't it? Of course, ever since a website dedicated to M'Aiq was made, almost everybody knows him, yet perhaps you can find out even more about him here. Or maybe I'm being a little bit hasty, as he's probably not that well-known as some would have us think, so for those of you who still don't know who M'Aiq is, I must tell you that he is a Khajiit living on a small island to the east of Dagon Fel, in the region of Vvardenfell known as Sheogorad. Oh, you're interested in his background, aren't you? Well, he doesn't talk much about that, but even though most people think he's a fisherman because he always has a fishing rod with him, I think he's one of the greatest loremasters in Tamriel. Yes, it's true that he has a different point of view of things compared to other loremasters, but that's just what makes him so special. As I was saying, he doesn't talk much about himself, but by studying his name I've managed to realize that he is a... Then again, maybe I should just quote Jobasha, another famous Khajiit living in Vvardenfell: .

"'M' or 'Ma' means 'child' or 'apprentice' or, in the vernacular, 'virgin.' As an apprentice can be of any age, this leads to misunderstandings and jokes Jobasha cannot translate." .

M'Aiq doesn't look like a child, and he's certainly way too knowledgeable to be an apprentice, so, seeing that the lives all alone on an island, that would make him a... What, do you expect me to tell you everything? Figure out what he is by yourself. Anyway, I've talked to M'Aiq at length and recorded his wise words, which I present to you here. This is how he saluted me: .

"Greetings! M'Aiq knows many things. What is your interest? You seek knowledge. M'Aiq has much. Some of it verified by actual facts!" .

When I asked him about becoming a lich, he said the following: .

"You wish to become a lich? It's very easy, my friend. Simply find the heart of a lich, combine it with the tongue of a dragon, and cook it with the flesh of a well-ridden horse. This combination is certain to make you undead." .

Next, I asked him about dragons. He had the following to say about them: .

"Dragons? Oh, they're everywhere! You must fly very high to see most of them, though. The ones nearer the ground are very hard to see, being invisible." .

Truly, this new information explains so many things! After that, I asked the wise M'Aiq about Emperor Crabs. What? You don't know what those are? Well, you've been in Ald-Ruhn, right? There was a huge shell-like building, yes? That, my friend, is what is left of an Emperor Crab. M'Aiq had the following to say about the Emperor Crabs: .

"M'Aiq sees lots of them in the ocean. M'Aiq knows you'll see one too if you swim far enough." .

Ah... So M'Aiq is also a swimmer! My admiration for the Khajiit never ceases to grow. Next, I asked M'Aiq about horses and he said the following: .

"Horses.... Oh, M'Aiq loves horses! Especially with good cream sauce." .

As much as I admire M'Aiq, he could not convince me to try eating horses. I asked him where I could find some mounts in Vvardenfell, and he had the following to say: .

"You would wish to ride upon a beast? There is a way... Go to one of the many silt-strider ports and pay your fee! You wish one for personal use? Bah! Walk if you must; run if you are chased!" .

I had expected M'Aiq to shed more light on the subject, but I appreciated his advice. Next, I asked him about moving corpses: .

"Moving corpses? This sounds frightening to M'Aiq. The undead are nothing to be toyed with." .

I could not agree more. I then asked M'Aiq what the word "multiplayer" means, since I had encountered it on my travels. He said the following: .

"M'Aiq does not know this word. You wish others to help you in your quest? Coward! If you must, search for the Argonian Im-Leet, or perhaps the big Nord, Rolf the Uber. They will certainly wish to join you." .

Ah, M'Aiq has heard of Rolf the Uber. Truly, he never ceases to surprise me. I wonder if Im-Leet is leet, though... Anyway, seeing as he knows so much, I asked M'Aiq about the mystery of the Dwarves, to which he replied the following: .

"There is no mystery. M'Aiq knows all. The dwarves were here, and now they are not! They were very short folks... Or perhaps they were not. It all depends on your perspective. I'm sure they thought they were about the right height." .

Well said, M'Aiq! If only those researchers would listen to your words, everybody would know what happened to the Dwarves! Now, when I was certain that M'Aiq was all-knowing, I asked him if he had heard about naked liches. He said the following: .

"A horrible thing indeed. If you see one, let M'Aiq know. M'Aiq wants to make sure to look in the other direction." .

By now, I thought of M'Aiq as my friend and mentor. And, as we were so close, I did not hesitate to ask him about nudity, to which he replied: .

"Ahh... The beauty of the naked form. These Dunmer are rather prudish, are they not? Of course, there is an island you can reach filled with wonderful, naked, glistening bodies. It only appears when the moons are full, the rain falls, the seas run red, and it's M'Aiq's birthday." .

He promised that he would take me to that fabled island one day, but I still have to wait... I then asked the Khajiit about rope climbing. He said the following: .

"Climbing ropes that hang is too difficult. M'Aiq prefers to climb the ones that are tied horizontally." .

Truly the words of a genius! As you should know my now, dear reader, my curiosity knows no bounds. And it is my curiosity that pushed me to ask M'Aiq about the Shrine of Boethiah, which I had heard had sunken beneath the sea. M'Aiq indulged me with the following answer: .

"You seek the shrine that is no longer there? An interesting concept. Look to the seas to the West. There lies what was once the shrine. Take a deep breath and begin your search." .

Hmm... So M'Aiq has even knowledge of the obscure! I hesitated to do so, but I eventually asked M'Aiq whether or not he had heard of a mysteriours talking mudcrab merchant. Here is what he said: .

"M'aiq has heard of this. They've got all the money. Mudcrabs taking over everything. They already run Pelagiad." .

It was getting rather late by now, but I managed to ask M'Aiq about weresharks before being driven away. Here is what he said: .

"I have only met one, but he was afraid of the water." .

And that is how my interview with M'Aiq ended. I truly hope that I can meet him again one day. Until then, however, there's always the talking mudcrab merchant... Muffin.

Directly north of Vivec City is the Gro-Bagrat Plantation, where an Orc named Gakkenfeld has the one muffin to rule them all, one muffin to find them, one muffin to bring them all and in the darkness bind them. Oh, sorry, I got a little carried away. What I was saying was that this Orc has the only muffin in the game and, if you love muffins, you should know that Gakkenfeld is quite safe to kill. Too bad the muffin has the same properties as bread. Orcish Khajiit.

I've met many a Khajiit during my travels, and I've met many Orcs as well. But I vividly remember an orc who thought he was a Khajiit, the so-called Ra'Gruzgob, who I met in the Daedric ruin of Ald Daedroth. As you probably know, Orcs have a patronymic instead of a family name. Well, Ra'Gruzgob has a Khajiit name. I would like to quote the famous Jobasha here: .

"'Ra' and 'Ri' show high status. 'Ri' is the highest status among the Khajiit, used by leaders of cities or tribes." .

Ah, so Ra'Gruzgob is a very important Khajiit... Erm... Orc? I talked to him, and this is how he greeted me: .

"Meow." .

That surely explains a lot, doesn't it? I, myself, said "meow", to which Ra'Gruzgob replied thus: .

"You like Ra'Gruzgob? Ra'Gruzgob likes you." .

Well, I don't know what "meow" means, but Ra'Gruzgob seems to think that he knows. I then proceeded to ask Ra'Gruzgob about his background. He said the following: .

"I'm Ra'Gruzgob, the Khajiit." .

I asked Ra'Gruzgob whether or not he is an orc, and he said: .

"Orc? Ra'Gruzgob is no Orc!" .

After that, I asked Ra'Gruzgob if he is a Khajit, and this is what he replied: .

"That's right. Ra'Gruzgob the Khajiit. How do you like my tail?" .

I didn't know what to say and, seeing my puzzled expression, Ra'Gruzgob said the following: .

"What? You never seen a Khajiit before?" .

I then decided to say that his tail looks fine, and Ra'Gruzgob said the following: .

"Hey, Ra'Gruzgob likes you. Maybe Ra'Gruzgob tells you a little secret." .

When I asked him about his "little secret", Ra'Gruzgob asked me the following: .

"Got any moon sugar for your pal Ra'Gruzgob?" .

I had none, of course, since I'm not a drug addict, so I could not give Ra'Gruzgob any. He was a little upset and this is what he said: .

"No moon sugar? No moon sugar for poor Ra'Gruzgob? Damn fleas..." .

Fleas? What fleas? Hmm... Anyway, I saw that there was some moon sugar on a slab of stone, so I took it and gave it to Ra'Gruzgob. He was quite delighted and this is what he told me: .

"Ra'Gruzgob knows something you'd like. Ra'Gruzgob put it under his pillow. For the sugar-fairy." .

I searched under his pillow and found the artifact Gambolpuddy, but I had no need for it, so I left it where I had found it. When I asked Ra'Gruzgob about his secret again, he told me this: .

"You find Ra'Gruzgob's little secret? Ra'Gruzgob knows you like it." .

I asked Ra'Gruzgob about his name, and this is what he said: .

"Ra'Gruzgob wants some MORE MOON SUGAR HERE!" .

He then said: .

"Hey, Lustidrike! Ra'Gruzgob wants some MORE MOON SUGAR HERE!" .

You know Lustidrike, right? Anyway, after that he said the following: .

"I said, 'Ra'Gruzgob wants some MORE MOON SUGAR HERE!'" .

When I continued to ask him about his name, he said: .

"Why you look at Ra'Gruzgob that way?" .

What a poor, mad Orc. He made no sense at all. I have to admit that his words somewhat amused me, so I continued to ask him about his name, and his answer was this: .

"Fifty drakes, same as in town." .

Hmm... Strange. As far as I remember, moon sugar costs fifty drakes. Was he talking about that? Well, even though he was quite mad, I will always remember Ra'Gruzgob, the Orcish Khajiit... Peke Utchoo.

Mudan, an underwater Dwemer ruin that can be found to the south of Ebonheart, is the resting place of the famous Dragonbone Mail. It is also the resting place of a certain adventurer named Peke Utchoo, who can be found in Mudan's right tower. He accidentally poisoned himself and that is what led to his death. By the way, here are his last words..

Hmm... His name sounds somewhat familiar, does it not? Peke Utchoo sounds a lot like "Pikachu" when you say it out loud. Coincidence? Well, here's what Mr. Utchoo said in his note: .

"If anyone shall ever find me, I hope I am able to bring them to laughter." .

Of course, he is probably talking about the way he died. And the skeleton seems to be a little too large to be Pikachu's. Just compare the two. Pool of Forgetfulness.

In Sharapli, which can be found a bit to the east of Ghostgate, there is an interesting pool called the Pool of Forgetfulness. When you activate it, it does nothing, so it is purposeless. Hmm... Perhaps the developers just forgot about it. What was I saying? I seem to have forgotten... Pop Je.

Ah, the famous Pop Je, whose skeleton can be found in the Senim Ancestral Tomb, which can be found east of Dagon Fel, in the region of Vvardenfell known as Sheogorad. Also, you can find the Ring of Phynaster on Pop Je, a ring about which you can learn more here. A forum legend says that Pop Je was an active member of the Elder Scrolls community who died while the developers were working on Morrowind, so they put his skeleton in the game as a tribute to him. But it's time to put a stop to this legend. And what better way to do this than to quote developer Gary Noonan? Check this out:

"Have you ever happened across an NPC in Morrowind named Je Tee? And a woman with him named Kar Alber? Well, Je Tee was sorta kinda named after me, GT. Kar Alber was named after my THEN g/f. Pop Je would be Je Tee's father. My REAL LIFE father had died during Morrowind development, so in memory, I made an ingame tomb for him. You will also notice a few other tombs in memory of various real life people. Being a dev, we have certain advantages of adding easter eggs."

Je Tee and Kar Alber can be found in the Daedric ruin of Ald Daedroth. Scourge

I'm sure you know Scourge, Bethesda developer Steve Meister's (AKA MrSmileyFaceDude) character. If memory serves me well, he used to role-play as Scourge on the Official Forums some while ago. Also, in Steve Meister's Industrial Light & Magic team diary on the official Elder Scrolls website, we can see a few screenshots of Scourge.

What does this have to with anything? Well, if you go to Vivec City, in the Lizard's Head cornerclub, you can find Scourge's head in the basement. Poor Scourge. Anyway, I wanted to know the story behind the head of Scourge, so I asked Steve Meister about Scourge. Sinder Velvin: "Could you please tell me about Scourge the Argonian?"

Steve Meister: "Hehe. Well, he's just what I named my Argonian character that I used when working on & testing Morrowind."

Sinder Velvin: "Why did you put his head in a bar in Vivec?"

Steve Meister: "One day I was testing the game and exploring Vivec, and came across the Lizard's Head tavern. And there in the back was the Argonian head mounted on a plaque. And it was the same head I'd picked for Scourge. I'd already talked about Scourge on the forums and in other venues, so I had someone change the name of the mounted Argonian head to 'Scourge's Head'. So it was kind of an easter egg for the fans to find."

Very interesting. Talking Mudcrab Merchant

The talking mudcrab merchant is yet another famous easter egg in Morrowind. He, the talking Mudcrab merchant, is a... Well, he's a talking Mudcrab merchant living on an island just south-east of the Dwemer ruin of Mzahnch, east of Vivec City. He's always got ten thousand gold on him and he buys and sells everything at it's base value. Basically, he's Creeper, except he's a Mudcrab, he has more gold than Creeper, he doesn't trade in as many kinds of items as Creeper does and he's in the middle of nowhere. But, if you want to meet him yourself, please be careful- he looks just like a normal Mudcrab, and he's labelled just like a normal Mudcrab. Here's how the talking Mudcrab merchant greets you:

"'How dry I am... How dry I am... Nobody knows... How dry I am....' SHAY! Hi. There. Lesh make a deal. I got... Stuff. Lots. Here. See?"

If you ask him about his background, this is what he says:

"Whaddaya think? Sheesh. I'm a mudcarb... Crab. Shure. A mudcrab. Thas me. Pretty sure. I LOOK like a mudcrab, right? Mush be. Thish IS me talking, right? So? I mush be... A talking mudcrab. And I sells stuff, right? So? I mush be a talking mudcrab merchant. Stands to reason, don't it?"

When you ask him about being a talking Mudcrab merchant, he says the following thing:

"Sure. Thash what I said? Did I stutter or shomethin? Talking. Mudcrab. Merchant. Read my lips. Ehr. Mouthparts? Read my mouthparts? Shomethin ain't right. But never mind. Jush one-a life's little myshteries. So. You going to buy shomethin? Or sit here jawin' all day."

If you're curious why Creeper and the talking Mudcrab merchant buy and sell things at their base values, read the last paragraph over at Creeper. Wormgod, Master of All Pipes

Developer Gary Noonan, AKA Wormgod, found a way to immortalize his nickname forever: he wrote it on the Dwemer pipes that can be found everywhere in Dwemer ruins. He wrote it in Dwemeris Script, though, so that's why not everyone knows about this.

The Museum of the Imperial

You can't really say it's an easter egg, but there's one really funny thing in the Imperial museum in Tel Vos. But, before I say anything else, read this note that is on one of the walls of the museum:

"Welcome to the Imperial Museum and Library. Please feel free to peruse the exhibits at your leisure, but please do take care around the prisoner. He has been in a terrible mood since we had to cut down his rations after the escape attempt."

The prisoner he's talking about is an Imperial guard in a cell. Apparently, he's a very important exhibit... All Credit goes to "The Imperial Library"

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