Game Script by Ratchet12345
The Simpsons Game on SuperCheats.com
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THE SIMPSONS GAME SCRIPT

FOR THE SIMPSONS GAME ON THE PLAYSTATION 2

WRITTEN BY RATCHET12345

CREATED 04/01/2008

HOSTING SITES: www.gamefaqs.com
               www.supercheats.com
               www.neoseeker.com

E-mail me if wishing to request hosting on another site.

VERSION 1.00 FINISHED 06/01/2008 (First post)

+ Almost all of script finished.

VERSION 1.01 FINISHED 11/01/2008 (Second post)

+ Fixed up some errors
+ Added SuperCheats and Neoseeker as hosting sites

VERSION 1.02 FINISHED 03/02/2008 (Third post)

+ Fixed up some more errors
+ Added Collectables and Cliches sections
+ Finished script - added some missing movies.

Contents:

1: What is this guide for?
2: How I wrote the script
3: Script
       3a: The Land of Chocolate
              3aI: Chocolate, Half Price
              3aII: Damn You, Reality
       3b: Bartman Begins
              3bI: The Game Manual
              3bII: The Bullies Scheme
              3bIII: Skinner Confesses
       3c: Around The World in 80 Bites
              3cI: The Eating Contest
              3cII: The Statue of Burgers
              3cIII: You Blew Ut Up!
       3d: Lisa the Tree Hugger
              3dI: I Have Super Powers?
              3dII: Why Do We Fight So Much?
              3dIII: Saved by... Homers kids.
              3dIV: Out of a Job
       3e: Mob Rules
              3eI: Gimme Your Ride, Jerk!
              3eII: Well, Springfield Sexy
              3eIII: The Dollar Sign Doesn't Lie!
              3eIV: Quimby Unbribed
              3eV: Alien Invasion
       3f: Enter the Cheatrix
              3fI: Professor Frink? Part 1
              3fII: Professor Frink? Part 2
              3fIII: Thumbs Up!
              3fIV: Frink's Bride
       3g: The Day of the Dolphin
              3gI: Snouts and Blowholes
              3gII: Eggrolls! Revenge!
       3h: Shadow of the Colossal Donut
              3hI: Lard Lad
              3hII: The Fall of Lard Lad
              3hIII: Eat Fist, Lard Crotch!
       3i: Invasion of the Yokel-Snatchers
              3iI: A Yokel Is Abducted
              3iII: Gross, But Fair
              3iIII: Sideshow Bob?!
       3j: Bargain Bin
              3jI: Cheating
              3jII: I'm Will Wright Bitch
              3jIII: They're All Jealous of Me!
              3jIV: Find the Key Cards
       3k: NeverQuest
              3kI: My Ears Are Pointy
              3kII: You Could Give us 5 Minutes of Privacy!
              3kIII: My Precious!
       3l: Grand Theft Scratchy
              3lI: Cats and Mice
              3lII: Video Game Violence
       3m: Medal of Homer
              3mI: Listen Up, Youngsters!
              3mII: Take Zat, Frenchies!
              3mIII: A Traitor!
              3mIV: Victory
       3n: Big Super Happy Fun Fun Game
              3nI: The Realm of Mr. Dirt
              3nII: MOST DISRESPECTFULU!
              3nIII: Battle 1
              3nIV: Battle 2
              3nV: Battle 3
              3nVI: Mr. Sparkle has Risen
       3o: Five Characters in Search of an Author
              3oI: The Mansion Gates
              3oII: The Creator
              3oIII: Say Hello to my Little Friends!
              3oIV: So Long, Suckers
       3p: Game Over
              3pI: A Stairway To Heaven
              3pII: Enough of the Fancy Talk
              3pIII: Judge, Jury and Executioner
              3pIV: You Used to be Cool
              3pV: Confronting God
4: Collectables
       4a: Homer's Beer Bottle Collection
       4b: Bart's Poster Collection
       4c: Lisa's Dolls
       4d: Marge's Hair Products
5: Cliches
6: E-mail
7: Credits/Disclaimer

/--------------------------\
|1: What is this guide for?|
\--------------------------/

Hi, I'm Ratchet12345, and this is the script for The Simpsons Game. Use this 
guide to find out what a charcter says if you don't know, to find out what the 
plot is, or to laugh as you haven't even got the game and just want the funny 
stuff.

/-------------------------\
|2: How I wrote the script|
\-------------------------/

All I did was play the movies whilst recording them on my DVD recorder. You can
do it on a VCR, but rewinding to precise spots is a pain (trust me, I've 
tried).

/---------\
|3: Script|
\---------/

This is the script for the game. Do not go ahead if you don't want to spoil the
plot and humour!!!

Characters are in capital letters on the very left of the script:

HOMER: Not dreaming, not dreaming...

Settings and long actions are in plain text with nothing around them:

The Simpsons family are on the couch...

Emotions and small actions are in square brackets:

[Angrily]

Personal comments and queries are in rounded brackets:

(I don't know where it came from)...

Here-a we go!!!!

/-------------------------\
|3a: The Land of Chocolate|
\-------------------------/

This was in 2 (as far as I know) episodes of The Simpsons - I don't know which
ones, but I'm sure it's in at least 2.

/--------------------------\
|3aI: Chocolate, Half Price|
\--------------------------/

The Simpson family are on the couch watching TV, except for Homer, who has 
fallen asleep.

TV ADVERTISEMENT: Grand Theft Scratchy. Buy it! Scratchy!

The scene fades in to Homer's dream. Homer is in The Land of Chocolate. He 
starts dancing around with chocolate rabbits, then fudgeballs fall in to his 
hands, which are then eaten as he enters Fudgetown. Homer is still dancing as 
he eats part of a lamp post and the back of a dog, then he runs ofer to "Ye Old 
Chocolate Shoppe", where everything is 50% off.

HOMER: Wow, chocolate. Half price!

WHITE CHOCOLATE RABBIT: Excuse me, fatty. You're eating our world.

HOMER: Hey, you're like that rabbit thing from that book about a girl named 
       Alice who goes to Wonderland. What was it called? Oh yeah, Snow White in 
       Stupid Town.

WHITE CHOCOLATE RABBIT: For your information, I am the white chocolate rabbit.

HOMER: Hey, white chocolate's not even chocolate. It doesn't even contain cocoa 
       solids.

WHITE CHOCOLATE RABBIT: Well, if I'm not real chocolate, then you probably 
                        wouldn't be interested in eating me! [Laughs] Hoo hoo 
                        hoo hoo!

HOMER: [Druling] Mmmm, white chocolate.

/------------------------\
|3aII: Damn You, Reality!|
\------------------------/

Fade back to Homer on the couch

HOMER: [Asleep] Not dreaming, not dreaming, not dreaming, [wakes up] not... 
       wha, damn it I was dreaming! Why is life so unfair? All I want is the 
       ability to eat everything in sight and turn in to a giant ball. Is that 
       too much to ask? Damn you, reality!

/------------------\
|3b: Bartman Begins|
\------------------/

An obvious spoof of Batman Begins.

/--------------------------\
|3bI: The Game Manual|
\--------------------------/

Bart is at Sequel Stop, and is going to attempt to purchase Grand Theft 
Scratchy.

BART: Hello pathetic store nerd! One copy of Grand Theft Scratchy, please!

STORE NERD: Uh, sorry sir. That game is rated M!

BART: No problem, I have ID.

Bart hands a card to the store nerd.

STORE NERD: This is a Cal's Calzone Zone frequent Calzone eaters card!

BART: There's a free Calzone in it for you.

The store nerd pushes the game to Bart.

STORE NERD: This never happened.

Bart walks out of the store...

BART: [Laughs] Ha ha ha, wow. Teenagers are so dumb!

... only to bump in to Marge!

MARGE: Bart, what are you doing near a video game store. [Gasps] Buying a video 
       game?! Oh! [She snatches the game from Bart] I've heard about this It's 
       the game where you play a Meanie-bo-beanie that murders other Meanie-bo-
       beanies! I'm putting this in the same place I put your swimsuit 
       magazines and your BB gun - Homer's underwear drawer.

BART: [Moans and starts walking down an alleyway] Great. Now I've nothing to 
      play except the games I bought yesterday. And I'm totally sick of them!

A yellow book that says "The Simpsons Game" falls out of the sky and lands 
right in fron of Bart.

BART: The Simpsons Game. Hmm... this is so weird. The only Simpsons Game I can 
      think of is the one where we all pretend Dad isn't an alcoholic. What 
      could it be? [He picks up the book] Wait a sec. This is the manual for a 
      [opens the book] video game set in Springfield. And Dad is a character! 
      And so is Mom... and Lisa. Who'd want to play her? Wow, I'm in this game. 
      I wonder what my moves are? Jumping, floating... Manm I gotta try this!

Bart changes in to a blue Batman lookalike costume with a game controller belt, 
blue cape and mask. There is also slight wind blowing towards him for a few 
seconds.

BART: Wow, this is the only good book ever written!

Homer walks from around the corner, holding a swimsuit magazine and a BB gun.

HOMER: Hey, boy. Look what appeared in my magic drawer. Hey, what's with the 
       fruity get up! If you're planning to come home like that, don't bother.

BART: Dad, I'm a super hero how, and I have all these awesome powers!

HOMER: Super powers, huh? Well, that's cool, I guess. I was just gonna shoot 
       bats wile reading swimsuit magazines. Wanna come with?

Homer opens a hatch in the road, and they both jump down. A sign nearby says 
SPRINGFIELD MUSEUM of NATURAL HISTORY.

/------------------------\
|3bII: The Bullies Scheme|
\------------------------/

There is a strange stoine figure with a sighn saying Egyptian Artifacts Now 
Less Boring. Dolph, Jimbo and Kearny are standing around.

JIMBO: Remember, people, wecame to this museum to steal, not learn. Don't look 
       at any of the displays. Stay focused!

They walk off, and we see Homer and bart evesdropping on the recent 
conversation.

BART: Come on, let's get outta here and find a situation where my new powers 
      could be useful.

HOMER: I think Lenny needs help moving! Dude's got a huge futon!

BART: Wait! Maybe I should stop the bullies from robbing the museum.

HOMER: Well, you're the Dark Avenger of the Night.

/------------------------\
|3bIII: Skinner Confesses|
\------------------------/

Bart and Homer have caught Dolph, Jimbo and Kearny, and are holding them undil 
the police arrive.

JIMBO: Stop freaking me out with your unusual gliding and slingshot abilities! 
       We're just henchmen, man! Skinner hired us!

BART: Principal Skinner?!

SKINNER: Yes, it is I! I mean me. No, it is I, yes. The city has cut our 
         science butget so much, I needed to steal from the museum just to have 
         visual aids!

HOMER: I've never heard of such an evil plan! You're like if the Iron Sheik had 
       a baby with Rowdy Roddy Piper! Times a billion! [The bullies are still 
       protesting]

SKINNER: This Assaraptors coccyx would have inspired a generation of students 
         to fall in love with science! Oh well, looks like it's jail for me.

Wiggum, Lou and Eddie arrive, Wiggum panting as he walks over to the hoodlums.

WIGGUM: Sorry, sorry. We would have been here sooner, but we can't get the hang 
        of this dang map quest, Turns out there's a north AND a south Elton 
        Avenue! Really messed me up!

BART: You've learned a valuable lesson, Skinner - confessing to crime doesn't 
      pay. Book 'im, Wiggum.

WIGGUM: I know I'm supposed to book jim. Gosh, you don't have to be such a jerk 
        about it.

Wiggum takes Skinner away.

BART: [Chuckles] I think I'm going to like having unbelievable super powers!

/--------------------------------\
|3c: Around The World in 80 Bites|
\--------------------------------/

A spoof of Around The World in 80 Days.

/-----------------------\
|3cI: The Eating Contest|
\-----------------------/

Moe is preparing Homer for the eating contest, fiddling with his mouth.

MOE: When you get out there, remember, no chewing. Chewing's for chumps. 
     Nothing but swallow! Nothing but swallow!

HOMER: I hope I win. Last year I was the first guy to barf.

MOE: Barf? Please, in this buisness we refer to that as a Roman incident.

HOMER: That does sound a lot classier.

BART: [Grabs Homer] What are you worried about? You have video game powers on 
      your side. It's like cheating but... cheating.

HOMER: Woohoo! Cheating!

Duffman walks over.

DUFFMAN: Duffman welcomes you to [zoom out to consestants all lined up] the 
         Duff Ultimate Eating Challenge!

WILLIE: I dedicate this gorging to my dearly departed mother. She choked durung 
a haggis eating contest.

BUMBLEBEE MAN: Hoy recuperare mi dignidad! (Im recuperating my dignity!)

COMIC BOOK GUY: With great hunger comes great responsibility.

DUFFMAN: Gentlemen, start your digestive tracts! On your mark, get set... 
         [contestants get ready]

/---------------------------\
|3cII: The Statue of Burgers|
\---------------------------/

A huge burger is seen on the ground, then the Statue of Liberty comes out of 
the ground, the burger now where the torch is normally. A frie falls out of the 
bag of them she is holding.

HOMER: I don't think I've ever seen such a beautiful sight.

/----------------------\
|3cIII: You Blew It Up!|
\----------------------/

Homer is still a ball and munching... 

MOE: Homer, you did it!

...and accidentally bites Moe's right hand off. Homer smiles and puts his hands 
behind his back.

MOE: Ahhh! Aw geez. That was my chokin' hand. But still, you did great.

Moe picks up the fallen hand and high-5s Homer with it, then walks off.

DUFFMAN: Homer, Duffman is proud to declare you our Ultimate Eating Champion, 
         oh yeah! [He thrusts, then a big set of jaws is lowered] Here to 
         present you with the Red Barclay Championship Belt is last year's 
         champion!

The jaws open to reveal Akira (a skinny Japanese chef) He hands Homer the belt, 
which Homer is too fat to put on.

DUFFMAN: Ooh, we'll need to get that adjusted!

HOMER: Akira? How did you win? You're so tiny!

AKIRA: Technique. Ah ha, ah, ah.

Akira picks up a taco and a glass of milk, dipping the taco in the milk and 
eating it whole, struggling to swallow it but eventually does.

DUFFMAN: And now, the losers have to clean up. Oh yeah!

The other contestants are cleaning, except for Willie.

WILLIE: [Bows to the Statue of Liberty] You maniacs! You blew it up! Ah, damn 
        you. God, damn you all to hell!

COMIC BOOK GUY: Hey, less references, more mopping.

/------------------------\
|3d: Lisa the Tree Hugger|
\------------------------/

This is just Lisa being Lisa - as far as I know.

/-------------------------\
|3dI: I Have Super Powers?|
\-------------------------/

Lisa and bart are at Mr. Burns' Auntie Nature Eco-Friendly Cutting Company.

LISA: Bart, Dad you said you have super powers. That's amazing! How'd you get 
      them?

BART: Manual [Points at manual]

LISA: That manual has staggering metaphysical implications. We have to take it 
      to the proper authorities!

Bart pulls the manual away from Lisa

BART: We could do that, but wouldn't you like to know what your powers are 
      first?

LISA: I have powers? [Takes manual from Bart] Wow! With these abilities, I can 
      be a force for social justice!

BART: [Annoyed] Oh God. Can we skip this level?

LISA: Come on, it'll be fun. You can hurt a lot of bad guys!

BART: Well, if there's gonna be hurting...

In Mr. Burns' office.

MR. BURNS: So, we'll cut down all the forests in Springfield, and turn each 
           tree in to a single luxury toothpick!

SMITHERS: Great idea, Mr. Burns! But one tiny question: won't that lead to, uh, 
          environmental disaster?

MR. BURNS: If you want to make an omelette, you have to wreck a few planets.

SMITHERS: [Patting Mr. Burns on the shoulder whilst he's looking away] Well 
          said sir. Well said.

Mr. Burns looks at Smithers hand on his shoulder, and Smithers pulls it away 
and smiles.

/------------------------------\
|3dII: Why Do We Fight So Much?|
\------------------------------/

Lenny and Carl are sitting in a tree bird watching. A noise is heard.

LENNY: Hey, that sounds like a tree swallow!

CARL: No, it sounds like a yellow crowned heron. [A few seconds of silence, 
      then a chainsaw like sound is heard] Hey, that sounds like a chainsaw!

LENNY: No, it sounds like a buzzsaw.

The tree falls, then Lenny and Carl land of a conveyor belt, with a tree branch 
landing on top of them, trapping them.

LENNY: Hey Carl, why do we fight so much?

CARL: Sometimes I think it's cause it's all we have left.

/-------------------------------\
|3dIII: Saved By... Homer's Kids|
\-------------------------------/

Lenny and Carl have been saved by Bart and Lisa. They run over to the kids.

CARL: You saved our lives! You kids are heroes!

LENNY: Yeah, we're gonna tell everyone we were rescued by uh, uh... oh... uh... 
       [Lenny clicking his fingers] Homer's kids, who's names are...

BART: Bart and Lisa! I can't believe you forgot our names. You've known us 
      you're whole lives.

LENNY: So? We're not thinkin' about you all the time, y'know.

Lenny and Carl walk off.

Bart is standing at the end of the conveyor belt, and fires his slingshot at 
the target, the shot narrowly avoiding the 2 gears just near the target.

/------------------\
|3dIV: Out of a Job|
\------------------/

A building explodes and fireballsa re seen raining down upon the area.

BART: Lisa, we did it! [They hug] We destroyed the factory!

LOGGER: ...and put two hundred hard working Americans out of a job! How are we 
        supposed to feed our families now?

LISA: Uhh, you could retrain in a field with a brighter future, like daycare 
      management or sports massage?

LOGGER: But I've been a logger all my life! My daddy was a logger, and his 
        daddy before that, and his daddy before that.

BART: Yeah, great story. [Begins to snore]

In Mr. Burns' car.

MR. BURNS: All I wanted was to destroy our delicate ecosystem, and this is the 
           thanks I get.

SMITHERS: I'm sorry, sir. Do you want me to have some goons rough up Al Gore?

MR. BURNS: I'd like that.

Smithers dials a number on a cell phone.

/-------------\
|3e: Mob Rules|
\-------------/

I think this just rips off angry parents against violent video games.

/--------------------------\
|3eI: Gimme You Ride, Jerk!|
\--------------------------/

Marge and Lisa are walking down the street near Sequel Stop. marge is reading a 
newspaper.

Yes! The legislative branch comes through again! [Newspaper says Senators Push 
Quimby to Ban "Grand Theft Scratchy" witha picture of a senator yelling in to a 
microphone]

LISA: Uh, Mom, keep reading.

MARGE: Hmmm, Quimby's cozying up to thet sleazy video game producer. That 
       really burns my beehive. [Newspaper says "Quimby to Video Game Producer: 
       Where's My Bribe?" with a picture of Mayor Quimby and the producer at 
       City Hall with a bag of money]

Martin runs out of Sequel Stop with a copy of Grand Theft Scratchy.

MARTIN: I must hasten home to play my new carjacking game!

Martin stops and puts his hand out in the middle of the road. Ned Flanders 
stops his car...

MARTIN: Gimme your ride, jerk!

...and Martin pulls him out and drives away.

MARGE: Ned, are you hurt?

NED: Nothing a smile and some medical attention can't fix. That video game's 
     gonna turn every kid in town in to Stabby Sams and Drive-by Bettys.

LISA: Mom, i know how you could get that game banned!

MARGE: How?

LISA: This manual [holds up manual] tells us how to use super powers.

MARGE: You mean I can talk to whales like Aquaman, or do whatever Hawkman does?

LISA: No, Mom. [Marges takes the manual] You have the power to convince crowds 
      to do whatever you want.

MARGE: Just like Oprah! Okay, let's stop that video game!

/----------------------------\
|3eII: Well, Springfield Sexy|
\----------------------------/

After the mob knocks down the statue of Scratchy, the head rolls right on to 
the townhall, destroying an entire wall.

MARGE: [Through megaphone We've got to show Quimby that our kids won't be 
exposed to senseless violence! [Takes down megaphone] Lisa, burn that statue!

Lisa sets that statue on fire.

MARGE: [Crazed war whoop]

In the Town Hall, Quimby and the producer are in a hot tub.

PRODUCER: Congratulations Quimby. You made Grand Theft Scratchy Day a 
          tremendous success.

QUIMBY: Thank you [bleeps out producer's name]. Why don't we celebrate with 
        some interns?

PRODUCER: Sexy interns?

QUIMBY: Well, Springfield sexy.

Quimby clicks his fingers and two interns in swimsuits enter the room.

PRODUCER: Oh, my, ha ha, ha.

Back outside, Marge and Lisa are waiting for Mayor Quimby and the producer to 
come outside.

MARGE: I don't think he's coming out. We're going to have to use our secret 
       weapon. [Flanders walks over with a crazed smile on his face and a 
       Bulldog (high power combat shotgun) and loads it] No Ned, not yet. I'm 
       talking about Maggie. [Maggie takes out her pacifier, throws it to her 
       other hand and puts it back in her mouth.

/-----------------------------------\
|3eIII: The Dollar Sign Doesn't Lie!|
\-----------------------------------/

Maggie is in a ventilation shaft, and looks down through a vent to the hot tub.

QUIMBY: So I'm ready to recieve my bribe now.

The producer hands Quimby a sack of money with the dollar sign on it.

QUIMBY: Oh baby, the dollar sign doesn't lie!

/---------------------\
|3eIV: Quimby Unbribed|
\---------------------/

After messing up the ventilation shaft, Maggie returns to Marge, whilst the hot 
tub is heating up (or is the air conditioning broken? I don't know). The hot 
tub is bubbling.

QUIMBY: Dear God! We're not soaking - we're cooking!

All four of the people get out of the hot tub. The producer opens the curtain 
to see the mob outside.

PRODUCER: A mob of parents?! [He also sees the senator in the mob]A s-s-s-s-
          senator! Quimby, you specifically promised me no mobs. You said this 
          town was full of slugs who would suck up our sexy sleaze with a 
          smile. Consider your self unbribed!

The producer takes the money and walks off with the two interns. The mayor 
walks outside to face the mob.

QUIMBY: Unable to secure a decent bribe, I've decided to flip flop and ban 
        sales if Grand Theft Scratchy to minors - the only people who want to 
        play it.

The mob applauds and cheers.

LISA: Mom, isn't it a bit hypocritical that you are opposed to the violence in 
      the Itchy and Scratchy, but then you used violence to get your way?

MARGE: I'm sorry Lisa - what? I, I just can't hear you over the roar of this 
       appreciative crowd (of only 10 - 20 people).

Marge takes out the manual from her hair and kisses it. Lisa looks disgusted.

/-------------------\
|3eV: Alien Invasion|
\-------------------/

The family are all talking at once at the table

LISA: That was so fun!

BART: So awesome.

MARGE: You won't believe what I did! It was just incredible!

HOMER: Wow, that was the greatest time of my life! [Only Homer is talking now]
       Oh man, all my life I wanted to be a human garbage disposal and now I 
       was!

MARGE: Homie, don't you think you could put your new powers to better use?

HOMER: Oh? Like what? Eat terrorists and barf flowers? What did you do that was 
       so great?!

MARGE: For your information, I rallied the town to ban a very violent video 
       game!

BART: Mom, if kids don't play Grand Theft Scratchy, they'll never learn real 
      world skills - like how to sell guns or hunt for hidden packages!

LISA: You should talk, Bart! I heard that you destroyed half the Natural 
      History Museum! And that's my favourite place to find solace.

HOMER: Well while we're on the subject of yelling at each other, your little 
       stunt with the loggers has put an army of Regular Joes out of work. Way 
       to go! Way to ruin lives!

The family is now arguing.

MARGE: Of all the stupid, fat, idiodic...

LISA: You wouldn't know what to do with a superpower if your name was Charles 
      Francis Xavier!

BART: Stop being lame!

HOMER: Yeah, well you're lame! Yeah, that's right, lame!

A thunderstorm is now brewing in the sky, and aliens have arrived in their 
spaceship.

KANG: Well, we're here. And it only took 300 deca-sols!

KODOS: You're the one who made us vidit your Mother-in-Space

KANG: Why do we always argue on space-cations?

KODOS: You're right. Let's kill and space up!

The spaceship decends on to Earth, along with other spaceships behind it. They 
zap Lard Lad, who starts walking around and yelling like King Kong, they zap 
the ocean which makes the dolphins come on to dry land as an army, they blow up 
the Sit and Rotate Room Tower and land on the remains, and start shooting 
lasers everwhere else. The Simpsons are witnessing said destruction from just 
outside their fron door.

LISA: We're being invaded!!! We've got to do something!

HOMER: Aliens?! I bet they're here to take our jobs!

BART: Guys!!! Listen!!! We've been given special powers. And if lazily written 
      movies have taught me anything, it's that with super powers come super 
      responsibilities. So, on behalf of the town, let's kick some alien butts! 
      If they have butts to kick.

An alien ship decends upon The Simpsons front lawn, and Bart fires his 
slingshot at it, only to have it rebound and hit him.

LISA: Our powers aren't strong enough! We need to stop these spaceships, and 
      there's only one person in Springfield who's smart enough to figure out 
      how.

Ralph emerges from the shadows nearby.

RALPH: I drank blue juice from under the sink!

Ralph walks off.

BART: [Moans] Let's just find Professor Frink.

/----------------------\
|3f: Enter the Cheatrix|
\----------------------/

This takes off Enter the Matrix - simple as that.

/----------------------------\
|3fI: Professor Frink? Part 1|
\----------------------------/

Bart and Lisa have arrived at Professor Frink's house.

LISA: [Knocks on door] Professor Frink?! Are you home? We need to talk to you!

BART: Yeah, we're selling band candy!

LISA: No, we need to tell him the truth!

BART: I am! I gotta move this candy, alien invasion or not.

LISA: Whatever. It looks like he's not home.

BART: Fine. I'll break, you enter.

Bart breaks Professor Frink's basement window and the pair jump through. The 
room is full of machinery and spider webs.

BART: This place is sadder than Moe's house. And that dude is sad.

LISA: Bart, check this out! I think I know where Frink has dissappeared to.

The pair look at a Rift Portal with a sign saying Do Not Use - Professor Frink.
Bart enters the rift portal.

LISA: No stupid! The sign!

BART: Reading's for nerds. Hop in!

Lisa enters the rift portal, and the pair are whisked through a blue spiralling 
rift-thing. They both scream on the trip.

/-----------------------------\
|3eII: Professor Frink? Part 2|
\-----------------------------/

The pair appear in a weird place with green pipes and murky green liquid with 
crates, hearts and coins dripping from the ceiling and flowing beneath them.

BART: Wow! Crates, coins, hearts, [zoom in to Mario pushing a lever above them] 
      old video game characters... what is this place?

LISA: It looks like some kind of factory. But what are they making?

FRINK: Why, they're making video games my dear child. You see, when I travelled 
       through my Rift Portal, I discovered a world beyond ours. Welcome to the 
       game engine!

BART: Yeah yeah, great. Here's the thing: our town is being invaded by aliens 
      and [cut off by Frink]

FRINK: Don't you understand son? Your whole life up until this moment has been
       a mere video game?

BART: Yeah yeah, what're you gonna do? Thing is, our video game powers aren't 
      strong enough. We need upgrades, and fast!

FRINK: Well, I've anticipated this problem, and I've done what every video game 
       player who doesn't have time to figure out things for himself does.

BART: You cheated!

FRINK: Exactly! Gle-haven. Behold, the strategy guide! [Holds up the guide]

LISA: A cheat guide? I don't know, Bart. I do want to save the lives of 
      everyone we love, but if that means I have to be dishonest...

BART: Oh for crying out loud, alright Frink! Let me see that book!

As soon as Frink is about to hand the book over, Donkey kong grabs him and the 
book with him. A page falls out near Bart and Lisa.

FRINK: Gloyven, help! An oversized monkey and his touches are unwelcome!

Bart and Lisa stare in awe.

/-----------------\
|3fIII: Thumbs Up!|
\-----------------/

Donkey Kong falls in to the green murky item-filled water. As he sinks, his 
hand goes from fist to thumbs up, then he disappears.

/-------------------\
|3fIV: Frink's Bride|
\-------------------/

After Bart and Lisa save Professor Frink from the wrath of Donkey Kong, he 
climbs dow the ladder as the pair walk over to him. Frink hands the guide to 
Bart.

LISA: Thank's, Professor! How we can take this book to Mom and Dad and stop 
      those aliens!

Frink presses some buttons on a machine, and the Rift Portal appears. bart and 
Lisa enter, but Frink walks away.

BART: Aren't you coming, Professor?

FRINK: No, no no. My place is here. I've uh, I've made a life here for my self 
       in this world, with my lovely new bride. [The bride is a Koopa Troopa] 
       Finally, a woman who understands me. She is my everything.

KOOPA TROOPA: [Loving turtle noises]

FRINK: Glahayven-hay ho ho! And she's funny too! Uh ho ho! Oh I'm very happy.

Bart and Lisa are grossed out, and respond so.

/--------------------------\
|3g: The Day of the Dolphin|
\--------------------------/

Pretty sure this is based off the show - specifically the Halloween episode 
where the dolphins take over Springfield.

/-------------------------\
|3gI: Snouts and Blowholes|
\-------------------------/

Bart and Lisa are at Paradise Pier where they find The Sea Captain tied up. 
Bart fires his slingshot at the rope to free him.

SEA CAPTAIN: Arr, when that mysterious beam hit the dolphins, they became 
             enraged and started attackin' humans. I tried to fight back, but 
             all I could see were snouts and blowholes! [Crying] He-yarr-he-
             yarr-harr-he-yarr-harr.

LISA: Oh Sea Captain, I'm so sorry!

SEA CAPTAIN: Don't you dare pity me! Oh, I yelled at a little girl. I'm, ah, 
I'm just gonna go sit in my car. [He walks off, but Bart stops him]

BART: Wait a second! You need to help us defeat the army of lovable fish-eating 
      crowd-pleasers!

SEA CAPTAIN: Agreed! Thar be a hatch out in the water behind the marine Park. 
             Meet me thaarrrrr, and we'll beat back the scurvy dolphin 
             invasion! Yarr!

The group thumbs up each other, then The Sea Captain enters his boat whilst the 
pair run off.

/------------------------\
|3gII: Eggrolls! Revenge!|
\------------------------/

The group have stopped the dolphin invasion, and are all together on the pier.

SEA CAPTAIN: Yar, I've had a great time today, kids. I almost never appear this 
             much in the series...

Bart and Lisa turn around.

BART & LISA: Huh?

SEA CAPTAIN: ... of events that constitute your lives.

They all laugh loudly. The aliens however are watching in the spaceship.

KANG: They foiled our plot! We must have revenge!

KODOS: Revenge!

KANG: Vengance!

KODOS: Revenge!

KANG: Payback is ours!  

Ding in background.

KODOS: The mini-eggrolls are done!

The aliens walk over to the microvave. Kang opens it and holds the plate with 
the eggrolls on it. They both put their helmets down and each eat an eggroll.

KANG: Eggrolls!

KODOS: Delicious!

KANG: Hot! Revenge!

KODOS: Revenge!

KANG: Eggrolls!

KODOS: Dipping sauce! [Eats eggroll]

KANG: Eggrolls! [Eats eggroll]

KODOS: Revenge!

/--------------------------------\
|3h: Shadow of The Colossal Donut|
\--------------------------------/

I think this rips off King Kong, not too sure.

/-------------\
|3hI: Lard Lad|
\-------------/

Lard Lad is destroying Springfield whilst newsman Kent Brockman is preparing to 
do a report, when he is knocked over by Homer and Bart running towards the 
destruction. Kent starts chasing the pair.

KENT: Good evening, Springfield, Kent Brockman chasing local imbecile Homer 
      Simpson, and his delinquent son Bart, sho have picked a fight with an out 
      of control donut mascot statue! [He has now caught up with the pair] Bart 
      Simpson, are you and your father insane?

Homer stops and speaks in to the microphone.

HOMER: [Speaks really fast] Hi Lenny! I'm on TV and I just said your name on 
       TV! Don't tell Carl! Unless he sees this, in which case... Hi Carl! 
       Don't tell Lenny I said your name!

Lard Lad is firing his laser, and hits a billboard with Krustys on it, which 
come to life and start laughing and moving around.

HOMER: [Grabs the microphone] Anyways, gotta go! [Hands microphone back]

Kent runs to the news helicopter and takes off to monitor the situation at 
hand.

/--------------------------\
|3hII: The Fall of Lard Lad|
\--------------------------/

Lard Lad looks like he is in pain, his eyes roll up and he falls to the ground.

/-----------------------------\
|3hIII: Eat Fist, Lard Crotch!|
\-----------------------------/

Lard Lad is lying dead on the ground, and we hear a banging noise. It's Homer 
punching Lard Lad's crotch.

HOMER: Who's number one?! We're number one! That's right!

BART: Oh Homer, try to show a little dignity in victory.

Homer continues to punch Lard Lad's crotch.

HOMER: Eat fists, Lard crotch!

Back in the alien spaceship, Kang and Kodos are watching.

KANG: Shazbot! How could Lard Lad lose to that guy?!

KODOS: Don't yell at Lard Lad, when you really want to yell at me! I screwed 
this whole thing up! [He starts to cry]

KANG: You're right! I do blame you!

Kodos is crying so hard his helmet is already half full with tears.

/-----------------------------------\
|3i: Invasion of the Yokel-Snatchers|
\-----------------------------------/

Probably a rip off of some sci-fi thing.

/------------------------\
|3iI: A Yokel is Abducted|
\------------------------/

The aliens are stealing everything from the mall, while Homer and Bart watch 
from behind a wall.

BART: Dad, look! They're raiding the mall and sucking up innocent citizens!

HOMER: Where is mall security? They always seem to be around when you take a 
       whiz in the fountain!

At said fountain, an alien begins to pee in the fountain whilst whisling, when 
a guard walks over.

GUARD: Stop! Stop!

HOMER: See!

The guard is then sucked in to the ship. Cletus arrives.

CLETUS: Hey, stop yer theivin'! I spent alls day clippin' these coupons fer 
        flat screen magic picture machines! Brandine has to watch her stories 
        in 1080i pixels. [The aliens take the coupons]

ALIEN 1: This human has tiny pieces of paper that give him big big savings! We 
         must study him!

ALIEN 2: Study him with anal probing?

ALIEN 1: Of course with anal probing! What else would we do? Talk to him?

Cletus is then sucked on to the ship.

CLETUS: Ahhhhhhh!

One of the aliens goes with him, and puts on what I can only say looks like a 
condom on one of his tenticles.

BART: Thank God they're torturing that yokel. It's the perfect time to attack!

The pair run to the battle ground.

/---------------------\
|3iII: Gross, But Fair|
\---------------------/

The pair have now rescued Cletus from the alien anal probing station. Cletus 
gets up, groaning.

BART: Cletus, are you okay?

CLETUS: I think they done busted my stinkbone.

HOMER: Damn those rectally obsessed savages! Damn them!

BART: Well, now you're free. You can go back to your trailer, shack, lean-to, 
      or whatever!

CLETUS: Ah, technically it's a hovel, but but I ain't goin' nowhere's! Those 
        green fellers started a feud that won't be over til' I poke somethin' 
        in their void holes.

HOMER: Gross, but fair.

/---------------------\
|3iIII: Sideshow Bob?!|
\---------------------/

The pair have disarmed the tractor beam, but they come across a grey item. From 
it emerges Sideshow Bob.

BART: Sideshow Bob?

The pair both scream.

SIDESHOW BOB: Don't bother crying out in terror. in space, no one can hear you 
              scream.

BART: We're not in space.

SIDESHOW BOB: Well, we're in a space ship.

HOMER: Not the same thing.

BART: It's pretty weird that you'd be working with the aliens.

SIDESHOW BOB: Try not to think about it too much. Just focus on what an 
              unexpected treat it is to see me here. Besides, you won't live 
              long enough to hear the convoluted explanation. [Speaks 
              poetically] Now cracks a noble heart. Good night, sweet Simpsons, 
              and flights of aliens sing thee to thy rest.

Sideshow Bob steps forward but his arch-nemesis the rake stops him - he steps 
on one and he faints. Meanwhile, on the mothership, kang and Kodos are 
watching.

KANG: I told you to pick up your space rake!

KODOS: No matter! It was foolish to send a former TV clown to do an alien's 
       work. We will have our revenge! [They laugh evilly, and Kang steps 
       forward but he too steps on a rake] Sorry. My bad.

/---------------\
|3j: Bargain Bin|
\---------------/

Have you ever been to a gaming store and seen those big bins full of old and 
refurbished games. That's a bargain bin.

/-------------\
|3jI: Cheating|
\-------------/

The mothership flies directly over The Simpson's house, and the run outside to 
see what's happening.

LISA: Oh my God, it's the mothership!

BART: This must be the boss level for this part of the game!

HOMER: The boss! Quick, everyone look busy!

Homer pulls out glasses, a pencil and a clipboard, goes to the mailbox and 
pretends to be writing things about it, which is then destroyed with a laser 
blast. The family screams and runs for it. After 4 laser shots, a panel on the 
ship lowers to reveal a button.

BART: Guys, look! The hatch opens after every 4 laser burts [go to Kang and 
      Kodos watching from above] That's the weak spot when we need to fire!

KANG: Hey Kodos, that ugly kid's right. Why are we exposing our weak spot every 
      four laser burts?

KODOS: You're right! Why do we even need to expose our weak spot at all?!

KANG: Thanks for the heads up, Earth dumbass!

KODOS: Screw fighting one family - why don't we just blow up the whole town. 
       They can't stop us from doing that!

KANG: Sounds good to space-me!

Kang pushes a lever on the ship and all the alien spaceships start destroying 
Springfield.

MARGE: Unless we do something, these space octopuses are gonna get jiggy all 
       over Springfield! Did I use jiggy right? Sorry.

BART: [Pulls out cheat guide and fliocks through rapidly] The cheat guide 
      doesn't have any more upgrades!

LISA: Wait! I know another way we can cheat - The Internet!

BART: Of course, The Internet! That's wehre I cheat for school!

The children run inside.

HOMER: Cheating - is there anything it can't do?

The whole family is now inside at the computer, Bart at the keyboard.

BART: Check it out - they have a walkthrough for a game called "The Simpsons 
      Game". [The screen whos a website called VideoGameFAQS] Bartman, eating 
      contest, alien invasion, slaughtering dolphins, it's describing 
      everything we've done all day!

MARGE: But what does it say we have to do next? Nothing I hope!

BART: Well it says here that we need to find...

Homer pushes Bart off the couch and moves to the computer.

HOMER: Move it! I want to play solitare!

Homer opens the CD drive and puts his beer on the tray, then it closes, 
spilling the beer. The computer sends sparks flying and the family is sucked in 
to the computer. The aliens are still on their rampage.

/---------------------------\
|3jII: I'm Will Wright Bitch|
\---------------------------/

The family appears in what looks to be a factory of some sort.

MARGE: Where are we?

LISA: We're in the game engine - if our life is a video game, this is where it 
      was made.

HOMER: That's rediculous! [Starts walking forward] I'm not a video game 
       character - I'm a real live person with dreams and feelings... [Homer is 
       no longer standing on the platform. He wiggles is legs and falls] 
       Ahhhhhhh! [He respawns near his family] D- alright, fine. I'm a video 
       game guy.

MARGE: Now can I ask a question? If this is a video game, where do I put the 
       quarters?

A floating platform rises with Will Wright standing on it. The Sims 2 diamond 
is on the bottom of said platform.

HOMER: Oh my God, [points at Will] it's a nerd!

WILL: That's right, the nerdiest nerd in the computerverse! [Evil nerdy laugh]

LISA: Dad, that's Will Wright, designer of SimCity and The Sims!

WILL: Don't forget my biggest flop - SimSandwich. It's faliure drove me mad, 
      MAD! That's why I live here now, finding a home for old games nobody 
      plays anymore.

A big line up of game cartriges labelled Escape From Krusty Island are being 
burned in an incinerator one by one. 

WILL: Video games are about what's new, and the old is better off forgotten. 
      Any of these fellows look familiar to you? 

He pushes a button on a remote, the movement stops on the chain and one of the 
cartriges opens up to reveal 8-Bit versions of Homer, Bart, Lisa and Marge.

HOMER: Wow. We look so pixely!

BART: And poorly rendered.

MARGE: Which one is supossed to be me?

LISA: Don't destroy them - they may be obselete, but they're still alive!

(The 8-Bit characters also sound like older characters, in this case with 
poorer sound quality)

8-BIT HOMER: Help, he's crazy!

8-BIT BART: If he destroys us then we'll never escape from Krusty Island!

8-BIT MARGE: I'm Marge!

HOMER: You can't do this!

WILL: Of course I can! I'm Will Wright, bitch, and pretty soon, when there's a 
      new, better Simpson's game than the one YOU'RE from, I'll destroy you 
      too! [Long evil laugh]

Will presses another button, and the 8-Bit family are slowly moving towards the 
incinerator.

BART: Stop him Homer!

HOMER: NERD!!!

/---------------------------------\
|3jIII: They're all jealous of me!|
\---------------------------------/

Homer and Bart have saved their 8-Bit counterparts, and are standing at a 
golden elevator.

WILL: This isn't right! Who put you up to this? Was it those jerks at EA? They 
      hate me you know! [Homer and Bart enter the elevator] They're all jealous 
      of me, jealous I tells ya!

/------------------------\
|3jIV: Find the Key Cards|
\------------------------/

Homer and Bart exit the elevator in an old movie theatre looking place.

HOMER: Wow, this is like those places where people used to see movies before 
       video piracy was invented!

Marge and Lisa exit the elevator too.

MARGE AND LISA: [Oohing and Ahhing]

The 8-Bit family and the normal family meet.

BART: [Slightly sarcastic] Hey, thanks for helping us save our 8-Bit selves! I 
      had to do so many doulbe jumps! I'm really tired. [He slumps over]

8-Bit Homer is eating a donut. Homer aproaches him.

HOMER: You like donuts too?

8-BIT HOMER: Sure do! D'you want one?

8-Bit Homer hands Homer an 8-Bit donut. When Homer eats it, he make s loud 
chomping sound and beeps slightly.

HOMER: Mmmm, pixely. You're alright, old weird version of me!

8-BIT BART: Attention smooth Simpsons! We've been around this complex a long 
            time and bring a warning. Cowabunga.

8-BIT LISA: One day, your video game too will be obselete!

BART: No way - The Simpsons Game is awesome! Just because every video game up 
      until now has been destroyed and forgotten doesn't mean ours will be.

LISA: Bart, she's right. I mean I'm right. We're both right! No video game is 
      safe from an industry that's always chasing the hot new thing! Sure, The 
      Simpsons game is great with it's unique upgradable character abilities, 
      and it's HILARIOUS self referential cut scenes, but what about when the 
      Xbox 720 comes out, or the PlayStation 4? No one will want to play us 
      then!

HOMER: Damn this Godforsaken place! Video game making nerds are getting rich 
       and all I can do is die and die and die and die, each death more painful 
       than the last! [Starts sobbing]

LISA: But what can we do? We're just highly rendered pixels in a universe we 
      can't control! Even as we speak, Springfield is being destroyed by an 
      hackneyed alien invasion premise! Oh, somehow it's not a cliche when it's 
      happening to you.

BART: Yeah! We don't even know whose but to kick!

8-BIT MARGE: There is one place you can go - the mansion of the creator. [Shows 
             mansion with gates] He created all of these worlds! Maybe he can 
             end this pointless cycle of destruction!

BART: The creator, eh? I'm gonna triple combo punch his fat nerdy face! Karate!

8-BIT BART: Don't have a cow, man! You still say that, right? I hope so. The 
            only way to get through the gates is to go in to each of the new 
            Simpsons games being developed by the creator. Once you're inside 
            each game, you need to find a key card! Only the four key cards 
            will combine to open the gate!

BART: Key cards? That is the lamest video game BS I've ever heard. Why aren't 
we doing something cool like collecting multi-coloured shard keys! That would 
be totally different and awesome!

8-BIT BART: Cowabunga!

MARGE: Let's get to it, video gang! Let's go give this creator a piece of our 
minds!

LISA: And save Springfield!

/--------------\
|3k: NeverQuest|
\--------------/

A rip off of EverQuest, you know, with dragons and castles and elves, all that 
stuff.

/-----------------------\
|3kI: My Ears Are Pointy|
\-----------------------/

Homer and Marge are in a forest, walking side by side.

MARGE: What a pretty level! I like the theme of fantasy!

HOMER: Ooh, I've got a fantasy! Now that we're finally away from the kids we 
       can [starts whispering] you and I... all afternoon.

MARGE: You're so bad! You're going to ruin this game's T for Teen rating.

They start to kiss, when they hear Rod, Todd and Ralph running.

ROD: Help! Help!

TODD: Someone save us!

RALPH: My ears are pointy!

The three kids run past Homer and Marge, and then a dragon with the heads of 
Patty and Selma flies down trying to burn the kids. It coughs and wheezes and 
then walks off.

MARGE: Come on Homer! We've got to save those midgets!

HOMER: But Marge, I can't control myself! You're one sexy milf!

MARGE: The word is elf, and no snuggling until we do the right thing!

HOMER: [Grumbling] Ooh, lousy sexy Marge.

/---------------------------------------------\
|3kII: You Could Give us 5 Minutes of Privacy!|
\---------------------------------------------/

Homer, Marge and her mob have saved the village from the dragon, but are yet to 
find the key card. There is a very big door with a smaller door on it as well 
where the group are standing.

DRAGON: [Flies off] Nahhhhh!

Homer and Marge kiss.

TODD: Thanks for saving us ugly grown ups! Is there anything we can do to repay
      you?

MARGE: You could tell us where to find the key card!

HOMER: Or you could give us 5 minutes of privacy! Two would be enough!

ROD: The object you seek is through this door, but it is sealed by magic.

Homer walks up to the smaller door and kicks it open.

HOMER: No, it wasn't.

TODD: Actually, we never tried it.

Homer looks at the kids angrily and Marge rolls her eyes as they walk through 
the opened door.

/-------------------\
|3kIII: My Precious!|
\-------------------/

Homer and Marge have defeated Patty and Selma the dragon.

HOMER: I finally killed your sisters! I'm the happiest magic guy in pretend 
       land!

Patty and Selma's heads rise from the lava.

PATTY: Well, at least we quit smoking.

They go back down.

MARGE: As much as I'm against murdering family members, it was nice to have a 
       level away from the kids.

Homer climbs in to a big ashtray full of cigarettes to find the key card. He 
strokes it.

HOMER: My precious!

/------------------------\
|3l: Grand Theft Scratchy|
\------------------------/

A rip of of Grand Theft Auto, a very violent game.

/------------------\
|3lI: Cats and Mice|
\------------------/

Marge and Lisa are in a very poor neighbourhood, with gangsters and prostitutes 
everywhere.

MARGE: Look at this place - grafitos, bottle in bags, and way more pimps than 
       I'm comfortable with. I just don't understand why Bart would want to 
       play this game!

Some mice are walking along a path when a car with cats drives up. The cats 
stop and start shooting at the mice, and the mice shoot back.

LISA: What is it with cats and mice? Can't they ever get along?

MARGE: Lisa, you and I are going to clean up this video game once and for all!

LISA: Do you think it will still be fun if you can stomp cat prostitutes and 
      take their money?

MARGE: Of course! What's more fun than playing nice?

/-------------------------\
|3lII: Video Game Violence|
\-------------------------/

Marge and Lisa have turned the poor neighbourhood in to a peaceful, beautiful 
place.

MARGE: Sorry Poochie, but even you aren't extreme enough to resist the power of
       a stay at home mom with too much time on her hands.

LISA: Yeah!

POOCHIE: Word to your mother.

MARGE: We did it! We cleaned up the game, and therefore made it more fun!

LISA: This is going to be the least violent third person shooter ever!

The senator walks over.

SENATOR: Great work, ladies! We've finally made this video game safe for 
         children. I proclaim an end to video game violence!

A heart on one of the buildings falls on the senator.

MARGE: Uh oh.

LISA: Hoo boy.

In the senator's hand bag is a key card. Marge picks it up and the pair back 
away slowly.

/------------------\
|3m: Medal of Homer|
\------------------/

A rip off of Medal of Honour, a WWII game.

/---------------------------\
|3mI: Listen Up, Youngsters!|
\---------------------------/

Bart and Homer have now been enlisted in the army in WWII. At this time, Grampa 
(Abe) and Mr Burns are much younger, and are also in the army. The visual is a 
map of Sain Capitulons with some other random items on the table, and finishes 
up with a B&W photo of Abe and Burns together.

ABE: Listen up, youngsters! We have recieved intelligence that the Krauts are 
     due to invade the beloved French township of Ville de Saint Capitulons. 
     Now I don't need to tell you that this town provides the snails that feed 
     the entire French Resistance! If Saint Capitulons falls, the resistance 
     will be so hungry for snails, they'll turn around and fight for the bad 
     guys! Oh, I've seen it happen before! You will parachute out a UB-40 
     Redwine Flying Fortress over Saint Capitulons, where you'll have to locate 
     me and Private First Class Burns for further instructions. Now good luck. 
     You boys are my favourite Privates, and you know how much I love my 
     Privates. My Privates mean everything to me. Please God don't let anything 
     happen to my Privates!

/--------------------------\
|3mII: Take Zat, Frenchies!|
\--------------------------/

Homer and Bart are now in Saint Capitulons. The town is dormant. Uter is 
standing near a rock, so he picks it up and throws it at one of the nearby 
windows.

UTER: Take zat, Frenchies!

Uter runs off. The French start to surrender and have white flags coming out of 
buildings everywhere.

FRENCHMAN 1: Sacre bleu! (Oh my God!) We are, how you say, finished!

FRENCHMAN 2: Oui, monsieur, (Yes, sir,) may I 'ave another? Ahhhh!

HOMER: [Pretending to be scared] Ooh, look at me, I'm France! I'm a scared 
       girl! I don't like being bombed and attacked!

Homer and Bart laugh, only to be interuppted by Abe.

ABE: Hey! Knock it off! We're here to protect these cheese eating surrender 
     monkeys! That means taking down these white flags before they have a 
     chance to kiss German butt!

HOMER AND BART: Yes, Sergeant Simpson.

MR. BURNS: You know, Sarge, while your time travelling son and grandson take 
           down the flags, we could remove the priceless paintings from the 
           village before the Germans can get here. You know, for, safe 
           keeping.

ABE: You look and sound so evil. But since you're an American, I know that's 
     not possible. We'll get the paintings, you two take care of the flags.

BART (TO HOMER): What war is this?

HOMER: Don't they teach you anything in school? It's the Civil War, duh.

Homer scratches his butt.

/-----------------\
|3mIII: A Traitor!|
\-----------------/

The background has pictures of Private Burns stealing the pictures, and 
blueprints of his vessel.

ABE: Listen up, my beloved Privates, we had a traitor in our midst! Private 
     Burns has nicked all the French paintings, with all of those luscious 
     naked sweater melons! So listen up: Burns has moved the paintings to his 
     own private aircraft carrier, the U.S.S Reel Crazy! He has the damn thing 
     heavily guarded by his own private cadre of muscular sailors. These men 
     fight for neither God nor country - they fight for love! I'll be leading a 
     sortie of Hellfish warplanes and we'll be providing heat from the air. 
     You'll need to stow yourselves abpard the ship at dock. Once out to sea, 
     disable the ship's defenses while we attack from above. Homer, you'll be 
     on demolition duty, and you'll have just enough C4 explosives to complete 
     your objectives. Aw, who am I kidding. You'll never run out of explosives. 
     If you ran out, you'd never finish the damn thing! Questions? I don't 
     care! Over and out!

It is now time to attack, and the Hellfish warplanes are in full force. A plane 
tries to hit Burns on a deck high up on the ship, but Burns dives and the plane 
misses him.

BURNS: Missed me, now you have to kiss me!

The plane U-Turns and heads for Burns again. Abe is piloting the plane.

ABE: Eat deck you treacherous double crossing Nancy boy!

/-------------\
|3mIV: Victory|
\-------------/

Homer and Bart have caught Private Burns, and are returning the pictures to 
Saint Capitulons. The Hellfish truck arrives, and we see 3 French people, 2 
smoking, waiting. Homer, Bart and Abe get out of the truck, and the smoking 
Frenchman hugs and kisses Homer. Homer puffs out 3 rings of smoke.

HOMER: [Laughs] He he he, he he he! Your moustache tickles!

FRENCH MAYOR: As Mayor of this village, I would like to thank you brave 
              American soldiers. You hid our cowardice and brought back the 
              pride of our villiage - our paintings.

The mayor hands Homer a painting, and on the back is a key card with the 
Hellfish logo. Everyone cheers.

BART: Dad, can I have some wine? The other kids are doing it!

A baby in a buree is swirling wine.

HOMER: Sorry boy, you'er an American kid. You have to get your booze from an 
       older creep hanging around outside the liquor store.

ABE: God Bless America!

/--------------------------------\
|3n: Big Super Happy Fun Fun Game|
\--------------------------------/

This takes off Japanese games like Pokemon and Yu Gi Oh and all those random 
games like that.

/--------------------------\
|3nI: The Realm of Mr. Dirt|
\--------------------------/

Homer and Lisa are standing near an ocean in pretty weird clothing. They look 
across the landscape and spot a very dirty village surrounding a massive 
toilet.

HOMER: Okay, I'm in the stupid Japanese game, but I'm not eating sushi - unless 
       it's covered with chocolate and there's no sushi in it!

A big figure emerges from the ocean. It's Milhouse who looks kind of like The 
Prince from the Katamari games.

MR. DIRT: Greetings, naughty naughty Earth-livers! Welcome to the realm of Mr. 
          Dirt! Isn't it splendid?

LISA: Knock it off, Milhouse! We know it's you!

MR. DIRT: Uhhh... sorry, but I'm the king around here guys, and you're gonna 
          have to deal with it! Unless you want to be my queen, Lisa!

LISA: Uh... thanks, but no thanks, Mr. Dirt.

MR. DIRT: But I'm so huge! And I'm the main bad guy of my own video game! Isn't 
          anything good enough for you?!

HOMER: Hey, the girl said she's not intrested. Beat it, loser!

Mr. Dirt vanishes in a rainbow spiral.

/--------------------------\
|3nII: MOST DISRESPECTFULU!|
\--------------------------/

Homer and Lisa have freed Mr. Sparkle from the statue in the toilet.

MR. SPARKLE: A thousand thanks fat one and little nerd. Your quest is to defeat 
             the evil Mr. Dirt, scourge of the day lands and CEO of the most 
             evil Rin Sha corporation. He seek to rid forest and field of Gaion 
             energy.

LISA: Hmmm. And how would you describe this evil CEO's attitude toward "the old 
      ways" and the traditions of your ansestors?

MR. SPARKLE: MOST DISRESPECTFULU!

HOMER: Puh, real original.

MR. SPARKLE: To defeat Mr. Dirt, you must travel to corners of our land and win 
             back Sparklemon! Mr. Sparkle will join you, with Gate Opening 
             Power and Sparklemon Capturing Ball!

Mr. Sparkle rubs against the gate and flies off. 

/---------------\
|3nIII: Battle 1|
\---------------/

It starts off like in Pokemon where you can see both players, each with their 
own one colour background in a box on the screen. In a Final Fantasy like 
fight, it's Homer and Lisa vs. Jimbo in a turn based match off. Jimbo has a 
Sparklemon at his command.

HOMER: I choose Punch attack!

Homer runs up to the enemy and punches it. Jimbo's Sparklemon loses 10 HP.

LISA: Jazz power. Improvise!

Lisa goes up to the enemy and plays her saxophone. Jimbo's Sparklemon loses 10 
HP again.

JIMBO: Let the rain of flaming rats begin!

Jimbo's Sparklemon goes up the the pair and raises his hand, Flaming rats fall 
from above. Homer loses 23 HP, and Lisa loses 22 HP.

LISA: I choose Freeze attack!

Lisa starts to meditate and cold air flows strongly on to the enemy. it loses 
30 HP.

HOMER: I summon... Wonderful Magical Animal!

Homer summons a ball, throws it in the air and out pops a flying pig. It 
explodes in to different types of meat, then the meat explodes. Jimbo's 
Sparklemon faints. Lisa and Homer high 5 each other.

JIMBO: Smooth move Ratachu-lax! [Fustrated] Ahhh!

Lisa and Homer high 5 each other again. Mr Sparkle appears.

MR. SPARKLE: Lava Sparklemon yummy taste! Number one American flavour!

Mr. Sparkle gets Jimbo's Sparklemon in to a Sparklemon Capturing Ball, and the 
ball goes to Homer. Mr. Dirt appears on a cloud seat in the air.

MR. DIRT: Don't get too cocky, warrriors! You may have defeated one Sparklemon, 
          but you will never defeat another! I mean, maybe you will, but it'll 
          probably take a couple o'times!

/--------------\
|3nIV: Battle 2|
\--------------/

It starts off like in Pokemon where you can see both players, each with their 
own one colour background in a box on the screen. In a Final Fantasy like 
fight, it's Homer and Lisa vs. Ralph in a turn based match off. Ralph has a 
Sparklemon at his command. Homer punches Ralph's Sparklemon. It loses 345 HP. 
Lisa strikes Ralph's Sparklemon with lightning. It loses 3897 HP.

RALPH: Roundhouse Ninja Attack Turtle!

Ralph's Sparklemon walks up to Homer and kicks. Homer loses 1644 HP. Homer 
turns in to Gummi Homer and fires at Ralph's Sparklemon, making it lose another 
3897 HP.

LISA: Linguo, fix his grammar but good!

Lisa does what looks like some yoga moves, coloured lines go everwhere and 
Linguo drops from the sky. he says something (I think's it's just jibberish) 
and explodes, making Ralph's Sparklemon faint. Lisa and Homer high 5 each 
other.

RALPH: Daddy, these strangers took my Sparkle-man! Stranger danger! Stranger 
       danger! [He walks off]

Lisa and Homer high 5 each other. Mr. Sparkle appears.

MR. SPARKLE: Two treats in one day make fun that is double! Fun fun for Sparkle 
             Sparkle!

Mr. Sparkle gets Ralph's Sparklemon in to a Sparklemon Capturing Ball, and the 
ball goes to Homer. Mr. Dirt appears on a cloud seat in the air.

MR. DIRT: Don't get cocky warriors! You may have defeated one Sparklemon, 
          but... oh, wait, that was the second one? Oh man! Well, fine. That's 
          it though! For real!

/-------------\
|3nV: Battle 3|
\-------------/

It starts off like in Pokemon where you can see both players, each with their 
own one colour background in a box on the screen. In a Final Fantasy like 
fight, it's Homer and Lisa vs. Sherri and Terri in a turn based match off. 
Sherri and Terri have a Sparklemon at their command. Homer walks up to Sherri 
and Terri's Sparklepmn and punches it. It loses 69 HP.

SHERRI OR TERRI: Donkeys - pollute the air with butt smog!

Sherri and Terri's Sparklemon walks up to Homer and Lisa and ** in their faces. 
Homer loses 175895 HP and Lisa loses 170400 HP. Homer walks up to Sherri and 
Terri's Sparklemon and burps in it's face.  It loses 345678 HP.

LISA: Linguo, fix his grammer but good!

Lisa does what looks like some yoga moves, coloured lines go everwhere and 
Linguo drops from the sky. he says something (I think's it's just jibberish) 
and explodes, making Sherri and Terri's Sparklemon faint. Lisa and Homer high 5 
each other.

SHERRI: Terri let you win! She totally has a crush on you!

Terri punches Sherri

TERRI: Oh may God, will you shut up! I'm serious!

Lisa and Homer high 5 each other. Mr. Sparkle appears.

MR. SPARKLE: Head without body eat all day, never up throw!

Mr. Sparkle gets Sherri and Terri's Sparklemon in to a Sparklemon Capturing 
Ball, and the ball goes to Homer. Mr. Dirt appears on a cloud seat in the air.

MR. DIRT: Oh man! You beat the third one too?! Fine, whatever. I'm gonna go cry 
          in the Temple of the Two Moons, so don't follow me! I mean it!

Mr Dirt floats away.

/---------------------------\
|3nVI: Mr. Sparkle has Risen|
\---------------------------/

Homer and Lisa have collected 3 Sparklemon, and are back at the big toilet.

LISA: Quick Dad! You need to insert the Sparklemon in to the coin slots!

HOMER: Lisa, don't tell me how to use a toilet! Would you tell Chuck Yeager how 
       to fly a jet?

The pair run on to the toilet. Homer pegs the first Sparklemon in the first 
hole, Lisa drops the second one in the second hole and Homer slam dunks the 
third one in to the third hole. Mr Sparkle then rises from inside the toilet.

MR. SPARKLE: [Strong Japanese accent] Mr. Sparkuru has risen from his 
             Banishment in the Underworld! Now I must return to my corporation, 
             where I am mascot for celery flavoured soy chip! Sel-Soy kills the 
             hunger demon, but graciously adopts his children! Sel-Soy! Sel-
             Soy! But first, I will cleanse the world of Mr. Dirt.

Mr. Sparkle rubs himself against Mr. Dirt's realm, cleaning it and making it 
shiny. Mr. Dirt changes back in to regular sized and clothed Milhouse.

MILHOUSE: I guess I should give you this key card now.

HOMER: Ew! No way! I saw you picking your nose with it!

LISA: Dad! We need the key to save everyone we know! Just take it!

Homer gets the key card and picks his nose with it as he walks off.

LISA: Dad!

3 Sparklemon approach Milhouse.

MILHOUSE: Hey, come on guys! Take it easy!

The Sparklemon start to attack.

MILHOUSE: My glasses!

/------------------------------------------\
|3o: Five Characters in Search of an Author|
\------------------------------------------/

I'm pretty sure that this is just part of the game plot, not a rip off.

/----------------------\
|3oI: The Mansion Gates|
\----------------------/

The family meet up with the 8-Bit family at the mansion gates.

8-BIT LISA: Did you get the key cards?

8-BIT BART: And how many points did you get?

BART: Video games don't have points anymore!

8-BIT HOMER: No points?! But how do you know if you're doing good in the game?!

LISA: Well, you make progress through the objectives of the game, like here - 
      we collected the four key cards [shows cards].

8-BIT HOMER: Four points? That's a pretty sucky score! I got eight million on a 
             Centipede machine in a Pizza Hut once, but four? Pathetic.

8-BIT BART: Look, how many lives did it take you to get these cards?

BART: Lives? What do you mean?

HOMER: I mean, I died a lot, and I mean A LOT, but it's not like I have a 
       "limited number of lives".

8-BIT HOMER: Infinite lives? Then how is the game even hard? What's the point 
             if you can just play forever?

The family shrugs.

8-BIT BART: The world I grew up in is gone.

MARGE: Look cyber chums! We need to use the keys to get in to that mansion and 
       talk to this Creator wacko! Our town is being blown up as we speak, so 
       let's lo this thing!

Bart takes the cards from Lisa and inserts them one by one in to the gates and 
the gates open.

HOMER: Hey, Bart, in these video games, levels get easier as you go along, 
       right? Right?

BART: That's right dad, they sure to. Let's go.

The family walks towards the mansion.

8-BIT HOMER: Go get 'em guys! Get your initials at the top of that high score 
             screen! Yeah! [To 8-Bit family] Fat chance. Four points, yeesh!

/-----------------\
|3oII: The Creator|
\-----------------/

Homer and bart are in the front yard of the mansion. There are coins and notes 
everywhere.

BART: This is it - the home of our creator. I say we smash his face, bust his 
      stuff, and take a leak on his lawn.

HOMER: Way ahead of ya, boy! [Peeing in garden]

Bart unzips his fly, joins Homer and lets loose. A camera is watching them. 
Matt Groening is watching the screen.

MATT: So they want a war? Well then it's a war they'll get! [Speaks in to 
      intercom] Violet, engage the super toon defense systems!

VIOLET: [On intercom] Yes, Mr. Groening [says it like "groaning"]

MATT: [Speaks in to intercom] It's gray-ning!

VIOLET: [On intercom]: Are you sure?

MATT: No. [He sulks]

/--------------------------------------\
|3oIII: Say Hello to my Little Friends!|
\--------------------------------------/

Homer and Bart have made it to The Creator's office. It's a huge room, and 
looks very posh. Homer and Bart walk in.

BART: I betcha our creator is like a thousand foot Godzilla, with big boobs, 
      and he breathes fire snot!

MATT: [From his desk] Think again! Your creator is TV's most beloved animation 
      visionary.

HOMER: [Confused] Seth MacFarline?

MATT: Arrrgh! [Poorly imitates Tony Montana from Scarface] Say hellow to my 
      little friends!

Matt draws on 2 pieces of paper and throws them towards Homer and Bart. They 
turn in to Bender and Dr. Zoidberg from Futurama.

BENDER: Oh snap!

The minions run off, and Matt also runs off, and pops up in a hall with his 
pencil and pad.

/-----------------------\
|3oIV: So Long, Suckers!|
\-----------------------/

Matt Groening is laying on the floor, and the whole family is there.

LISA: Bart, Dad! You just vanquished your own creator! The philosphical 
      implications would make Eugene Ionesco's head spin!

HOMER: Hmmm, You make a provocative point, Lisa, and furthermore... kick 'im!

Homer and Bart start kicking Matt, who cries and yells in pain.

MARGE: Stop kicking the man who doodled you! It isn't nice!

HOMER AND BART: Yes, ma'am.

Matt gets up.

MATT: Thank you for saving me ma'am - I'm enduring grateful!

LISA: Mr. Groening, how could you have betrayed us - the fruits of your 
      creative loins - and sold us out to all these awful video games where we 
      endlessly die and lose health and jump and jump and jump?!

The family crosses their arms.

MATT: I swear I didn't know they'd be awful, Lisa. If I'd known, then I would 
      have stick to slapping your faces on mugs, T-shirts, candy, lunchboxes, 
      board games, gum, novelty flying discs and fluffy fluffy beach towels.

The family murmurs angrily.

MATT: [Laughs evily] Ha ha ha! Now, if you'll excuse me!

Matt pushes a picture of Mona Marge to reveal a...

FAMILY: Video game engine self destruct button?!

MATT: So long, suckers!

Matt jumps out an open window, grabs a leg on a helicopter and flies off. The 
mansion starts to crumble and the family yells, then Matt comes back, writes 
his name on a window and flies off again.

/-------------\
|3p: Game Over|
\-------------/

You know in those older games, when you ran out of lives, it said Game Over? 
Yep, that's what it's refering to.

/-------------------------\
|3pI: A Stairway To Heaven|
\-------------------------/

The lobby is crumbling, and everyone from all the games in running to the 
middle of the lobby.

MR SPARKLE: The dirt has prevailed. I have dishonoured my ansestors!

Mr. Sparkle takes a samurai sword and sticks it through where his torso should 
be, and falls. Bart runs up to the Springfield portal.

BART: The Springfield portal is the only one that's holding. Everyone back to 
      Springfield!

Bart runs through, then Lisa, Homer, Mario, Marge with Maggie, a dog, a Ghoul 
Otto, run through. An Ore Moe and Private Burns reach the portal, but the large 
sign falls on Ore Moe.

BURNS: Hang on, I'll be right back.

Burns runs off.

MOE: Aw, for the love of Sauron, will ya...

Burns comes back holding a painting, and runs through the portal. The sign 
crushes Moe.

MOE: Ah! Crap!

Back at The Simpsons house, the whole group is just standing around.

HOMER: [Relieved] Ohh! Well, I'm glad that's over. [Sits on couch] What's for 
       dinner, Marge?

MARIO: [In strong Mario accent] I hope it's-a spaghetti! Here-a we go!

A rumble is heard.

BART: [Points out window to alien attack] Uh, Homer, we're still under attack.

The aliens are shooting lasers.

MARGE: I guess all that's left to do is pray that God saves us.

LISA: That's it Mom! We have to talk to God!

Lisa runs outside.

MARGE: Lisa, what are you doing?! It's not safe out there!

LISA: I'm gonna use my Buddha Hand Powers to build a tower to heaven out of 
      Springfield buildings, then we can get to the only authority who outranks 
      Matt Groening - God!

HOMER: Lisa, everyone knows God only helps the mighty.

Lisa rolls her eyes up.

/-------------------------------\
|3pII: Enough of the Fancy Talk!|
\-------------------------------/

Lisa uses her Buddha Hand Powers to lift the Springfield Stadium and put it on 
top of the mall. She then lifts the Duff Brewery, and even the Simpsons house 
(as well as a lot of objects we didn't see her move) to build a stairway to 
heaven. The town is there watching. The tower goes right up through the clouds.

LISA: Come on, everyone! I've built a stairway to heaven!

OTTO: Awesome! Ooh, I hope the stores aren't all closed!

Everyone rushes to get up the tower. In heaven, people run through the gates, 
until they shut, leaving Bart and Homer stranded. Shakespeare is standing on a 
floating cloud just above the gates.

SHAKESPEARE: Who is there? Stand and unfold your self!

HOMER: Hey, what's the big idea?! Let us through!

LISA: Uh, Dad, I think that's Shakespeare. You know, the Bard of Avon?

MARGE: Ooh, I love Avon!

SHAKESPEARE: I pray thee cease thy counsel, which falls into mine ears as 
             profitless as water in a sieve.

BART: Enough of the John Grisham fancy talk, mustachio!

SHAKESPEARE: [Holding a skull] Meet Yorick, a fellow of infinite... DEATH!

Shakespeare throws the skull at bart and Homer, and it explodes on impact to 
the ground. The pair scream and jump backwards.

/----------------------------------\
|3pIII: Judge, Jury and Executioner|
\----------------------------------/

After Lisa builds a Skybucks coffee house, Benjamin Franklin walks out with a 
coffee. The family walks over.

LISA: Wow, Benjamin Franklin! You are my intellectual hero! Please, please let 
      us past so we can talk to God!

FRANKLIN: No way, Lisa! You're a bigger butt kisser than Thomas Jefferson! 
          Here, I'm judge, jury and executioner. It's time you all learned that 
          heaven can be one hell of a place! [Takes out a key and it makes 
          thunder noises]

/--------------------------\
|3pIV: You Used to be Cool!|
\--------------------------/

After defeating Benjamin Franklin, the family have made it to God. he is 
playing a video game.

MARGE: Oh my. God's not setting a very good example!

HOMER: No wonder you never hear about God having a girlfriend!

GOD: [Puts controller down] Is someone there? I don't have any money!

LISA: God, it's The Simpsons here. You've been playing with our lives and we'd 
      like you to stop. Our town, family and friends are all suffering!

BART: Yeah God, you used to be cool!

GOD: Just because I'm a gamer doesn't mean I'm not cool. [The family looks 
     puzzled] Your uneasy looks have brought my disfavour! You buncha jerks!

/--------------------\
|3pV: Confronting God|
\--------------------/

After  God's PrayStation, Xodus Box and i Am are destroyed in a Dance Dance 
Revelations competition between Bart and God, a bomb thing like in the old 
Mario games covers the screen, but Bart rips it down.

BART: Alright loser! You stop the destruction of our town and give us some 
      answers, or these save games go in the drink!

Bart holds an infinite MB memory card that says MEMO: Planet Earth (don't 
erase) over the edge of the clouds.

GOD: No, my save games, stop! I'm on the final boss fight in Oblivion! I can't 
     start again from the beginning! Okay, I'll do whatever you want.

BART: I thought so.

Bart throws the memory car back to God.

GOD: Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you!

HOMER: Alright, uhh, Go-, God, is it? It's time for some answers! Who are we?

GOD: Here's the bad news. You're video game characters. You were designed by 
     computer geeks in cubicles to run around and be controlled by other 
     computer geeks in their bedrooms.

BART: We knew that, Birkenstocks.

LISA: Yeah! Explain to us the meaning of life!

GOD: Okay.. those computer geeks who control you, thing is, they're part of a 
     video game too. You see, The Planet Earth [holds us The Planet Earth game 
     case] is my most immersive, detailed video game yet, and I play it twenty 
     four hours a day. It's great! You can get out of your car, have a family, 
     I even put in a complete and wholly consistent fossil record for the 
     nerds. So, The Simpsons Game, your game, is really nothing but a mini-game 
     inside my Earth game, if you think about it.

LISA: So not only are we not real, we're characters in a mini-game inside 
      another game? And the people playing us right now are the characters 
      inside the game that you're playing.

GOD: Well, you're not just inside ANY game. The Planet Earth got a score of 96 
     on Meta-meta-critic.

BART: But why did you let me find the instruction book back in Springfield? 
      Doesn't that mess up your whole system?

GOD: Oh totally! That was like a complete accident.

Fades to God playing The Simpsons Game, apparantly in the Dance Dance 
Revelations part according to the music.

GOD: [Sings along] Here I am! Rock you like a hurricane, ane ane! Oh, [picks up 
     manual] how do you control the camera in this thing? Is it the L and R
     button or what? Ah screw this, [stands up] I'm getting a beer! [Throws 
     manual at ledge, only to have it fall off to Earth]. Oh f-[long beep]!

The manual falls in front of Bart.

BART: The Simpsons Game?

Fade back to God and the family.

GOD: So, yeah, you see. Oops.

HOMER: [Holding and repeatedly raising and lowering baseball bat with angel 
       wings on it] Oops ain't gonna cut it, Mister glowing visage beautiful 
       beyond all description! You gotta make this right!

GOD: Relax, relax! God, I feel really, really super bad about all of this and I 
     seriously want to finish Oblivion so I can get started on something else 
     so, what do you want?

MARGE: Put Springfield back the way it was!

BART: And let us keep our awesome powers!

LISA: Improve the working conditions of all video game characters!

HOMER: Grant me three wishes!

GOD: Fine, fine, I'll do all of that stuff, even make games less dangerous for 
the characters. I guess games have been getting too violent.

MARGE: [Knocks on Barts arm] Huh?

LISA: God, there is one thing... do you ever wonder if you're a character in a 
      video game?

Zoom out to Ralph watching this cutscene while he's playing a game at home.

GOD: [On TV screen] Pshhh. That's, that's just dumb. I mean, stop being dumb.

RALPH: Whoa! [Turns around, puts controller down and walks to camera where we 
       see from. he knocks on it three times] Daddy, someone's lookin' at me!
       [Looks back at the camera, the camera cuts off.]

/---------------\
|4: Collectables|
\---------------/

These are all the unlockables in the game - not how to find them, but what you 
win when you actually get them all in a level.

/----------------------------------\
|4a: Homer's Beer Bottle Collection|
\----------------------------------/

The Land of Chocolate: Choco Duff Dark

Bartman Begins: Dino Duff

Around the World in 80 Bites: Hi-Cal Duff

Shadow of the Colossal Donut: Deep Fried Duff

Invasion of the Yokel-Snatchers: Gloxnar Duff

Bargain Bin: 8-Bit Duff

NeverQuest: Ye Olde Duff

Medal of Homer: Star Spangled Duff

Big Super Happy Fun Fun Game: Turn Based Duff

5 Characters In Search of an Author: Pearly Duff

/----------------------------\
|4b: Bart's Poster Collection|
\----------------------------/

Bartman Begins: Krusty Begins (Batman Begins)

Around the World in 80 Bites: Krusty Burger (In-reference)

Lisa the Tree Hugger: Krusty Toothpick Poster; Only You Can Prevent Forests

Enter the Cheatrix: Krusty Stop and Go

The Day of the Dolphin: Marine World

Shadow of the Colossal Donut: Krusty Burger Krusty Meal (In-reference)

Invasion of the Yokel-Snatchers: Attack of the 50 Ft. Clown

Bargain Bin: Krusty Krappy Kartridge Klassics; 1986 (Old Gameboy cartridges)

Medal of Homer: Saving Krusty's Privates (Saving Private Ryan)

5 Characters in Search of an Author: Krusty Klownface (Scarface)

Game Over: The Passion of the Krust (The Passion of the Christ)

/----------------\
|4c: Lisa's Dolls|
\----------------/

Lisa the Tree Hugger: Tree Hugger Stacy

Mob Rules: Political Scandal Stacy

Enter the Cheatrix: Next Gen Stacy

The Day of the Dolphin: Marine Biology Stacy

Grand Theft Scratchy: Teen Pregnancy Stacy

Big Super Happy Fun Fun Game: Anime Stacy

Game Over: Heavenly Stacy

/-------------------------\
|4d: Marge's Hair Products|
\-------------------------/

Mob Rules: Hair Street Blues Hairspray

NeverQuest: Lord of the Ringlets Hairspray (Lord of the Rings)

Grand Theft Scratchy: Gangsta Clean Hairspray

/----------\
|5: Cliches|
\----------/

These are all the cliches in the game, and what Comic Book Guy says about each 
of them.

1: Double Jump:

"Oh, a double jump. That's real original."

2: Switches and Levers

"What would a video game be without switches and levers? Original."

3: The Doors:

"Video games filled with doors that never open. Sounds delightful!"

4: Pressure Pads:

"It takes two losers to make these work."

5: Collectible Placement:

"You just spent three hours to get one item. A life well-spent."

6: Time Trial:

"If your game's boring -- just add a stopwatch!"

7: Giant Saw Blades:

"Giant saw blades, by any other name, would still be as cliched."

8: Invisible Barrier:

"An invisible barrier. Sorry, your precious game doesn't go on forever."

9: Cracked Up:

"Yes, waste your youth looking for secret passages in rocky tunnels!"

10: Red Ones Go Faster:

"What simpleton concocted the cliche that a lame palette change equalss a more 
potent foe?"

11: Trampolines:

"Trampolines. Where have those been before? Oh, right, everywhere."

12: AI Running Into Walls:

"In case you didn't already know your game sucked."

13: Water Warp:

"Don't you know that you never learn to swim until the sequel?"

14: Obvious Weakness:

"A must-have for masters of the obvious."

15: Temporary Power Up:

"Power up. By any other name, an extra life."

16: Chasm Death:

"Expect a plagarism lawsuit from Wile E. Coyote."

17: Lame Tutorials:

"Oh, I'm too lazy to read the instruction manual! I need help! Wah! Wah!

18: Key Card:

"News flash! A key card is really... a key."

19: Rift Portal:

"This cliche makes other cliches seem uncliched.

20: Lava:

"Lava. As original as sand, snow, water and jungle. That is... NOT ORIGINAL AT 
ALL."

21: Ammo Box:

"Isn't it convenient that you find ammo at the right place and time? The cheese 
I smell is pungent."

22: Enemy Spawners:

"Infinite bad guys from a small door. Way to rip off the clown car."

23: The Road To Nowhere:

"If only this game were as mercifully short as this puny road!"

24: Wooden Crate:

"Ah, the crate. As seen in everything."

25: Explosive Barrel:

"The exploding barrel, fustrating AND hackneyed."

26: Flying Boat:

"A flying boat. What next, an underwater plane?"

27: Elemental Enemies:

"Nice. Steal from Dungeons and Dragons -- for only the millionth time!"

28: Evil Genius:

"Every single one is a rip-off of Lex Luthor!"

29: Timing Puzzle:

"The wonderful timing puzzle, a welcome addition to any classic... Not!"

30: Re-Used Enemies:

"The same bad guy, but now with a different-colour shirt? What a gyp!"

31: Collecting Every Cliche:

"Worst. Cliche. Ever."

/---------\
|6: E-mail|
\---------/

Feel free to send me e-mail. Tips, suggestions, even hate mail, I'll read it. 
Just make sure it's got The Simpsons Game somewhere in the subject, and don't 
send me any attachments of any kind - your e-mail will be instantly deleted. 

Also, don't just put "The Simpsons" in the message subject - I also wrote a 
guide for The Simpsons Hit and Run, and things can get confusing. Always put 
"The Simpsons Game" or "Simpsons Game" at the very least. 

I only speak English, so no multi-language crap. If you can read this, you can 
send me an e-mail in English. As for spam, I have yet to recieve any, and I 
would like it to stay that way.

This guide could do with A LOT of contributions. There are plenty of references 
I would like reassure and even basic information of. If you know how this game 
relates to the rest of the video game world, and it's not in this guide, it's 
information that would be greatly appriciated! You will be credited for your 
work.

My e-mail is ratchet_12345@hotmail.com

/---------------------\
|7: Credits/Disclaimer|
\---------------------/

Credits go to:

Me: For writing this guide.
CJayC and SBAllen: For running GameFAQs at such a high standard.
GertySnerty: For telling me the name of the bottlecap and poster unlocked on 
             Medal of Homer.

Disclaimer:

This guide is Copyright 2008 Ratchet12345. Even though you are free to read and 
print this guide for personal use, without permission you may not:

1: Distribute this guide in any form.
2: Put this guide in any material freely or restrictively accessed by the 
public or persons other then the downloader.
3: Sell this guide.
4: Do any other things that are illegal with my guide.

Any illegal actions performed concerning this guide will result in 
legal action from me.

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| \    __  -+- __ | _   __ -+-  |    /   ---+ -----    \
|  \  /  |  | /   |/ \ /__) |   |   /       |   |      |
|   \ \__|  | \__ |  | \__  |   |  /___ \___/   |   \__/

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