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Follow the dark path or use the light

Game Script

by Maggotkill

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      aaaaaaaa   uuuuuuu     ttttttt    oooooooo


                 L i b e r t y   C i t y   S t o r i e s
                             - GAME SCRIPT -
                                                  [for the PSP]
by Maggotkill
([email protected])

 Started at (mm/dd/yyyy): 04/27/2006
Finished at (mm/dd/yyyy): 05/14/2006

And still working to make it perfect!

This FAQ as well as its ASCII logo, is
best viewed at Fixedsys font, size 10.


                      TABLE OF CONTENTS

   I.  Version History
  II.  Of the Author and the FAQ
 III.  Contact
  IV.  Legal Crap
   V.  Primary Missions Script
           1) Intro
           2) Vincenzo:
                   a. Home Sweet Home
                   b. Slacker
                   c. Dealing Revenge
                   d. Snuff
                   e. Smash and Grab
                   f. Hot Wheels
                   g. The Portland Chainsaw Masquerade
           3) JD O'Toole:
                   a. Bone Voyeur!
                   b. Don in 60 Seconds
                   c. A Volatile Situation
                   d. Blow Up 'Dolls'
                   e. Salvatore's Salvation
                   f. The Guns of Leone
                   g. Calm Before the Storm
                   h. The Made Man
           4) Ma Cipriani:
                   a. Snappy Dresser
                   b. Big Rumble in Little China
                   c. Grease Sucho
                   d. Dead Meat
                   e. No Son of Mine
           5) Maria:
                   a. Shop 'till you Strop
                   b. Taken for a Ride
                   c. Booby Prize
                   d. Biker Heat
                   e. Overdose of Trouble
           6) Salvatore Leone (Portland Island):
                   a. The Offer
                   b. Ho Selecta!
                   c. Frighteners
                   d. Rollercoaster Ride
                   e. Contra-Banned
                   f. Sindacco Sabotage
                   g. The Trouble with Triads
                   h. Driving Mr. Leone
           7) Salvatore Leone (Staunton Island):
                   a. A Walk in the Park
                   b. Making Toni
                   c. Caught in the Act
                   d. Search and Rescue
                   e. Taking the Peace
                   f. Shoot the Messenger
           8) Donald Love (Staunton Island):
                   a. The Morgue Party Candidate
                   b. Steering the Vote
                   c. Cam-pain
                   d. Friggin' the Riggin'
                   e. Love and Bullets
                   f. Counterfeit Count
                   g. Love on the Rocks
           9) Leon McAffrey
                   a. Sayonara Sindaccos
                   b. The Whole 9 Yardies
                   c. Crazy '69'
                   d. Night of the Livid Dreads
                   e. Munitions Dump
          10) Church Confessional
                   a. L.C. Confidential
                   b. Passion of the Heist
                   c. Karmageddon
                   d. False Idols
          11) Salvatore Leone (Shoreside Vale):
                   a. Rough Justice
                   b. Dead Reckoning
                   c. Shogun Showdown
          12) Toshiko Kasen
                   a. More Deadly than the Male
                   b. Cash Clash
                   c. A Date with Death
                   d. Cash in Kazuki's Chips
          13) Donald Love (Shoreside Vale):
                   a. Panlantic Land Grab
                   b. Stop the Press
                   c. Morgue Party Resurrection
                   d. No Money, Mo' Problems
                   e. Bringing the House Down
                   f. Love on the Run
          14) Salvatore Leone (Finale Missions):
                   a. The Shoreside Redemption
                   b. The Sicilian Gambit
  VI.  Street Races Script
           1) Car Races
                   a. Low-Rider Rumble
                   b. Deimos Dash
                   c. Wi-Cheetah Run
           2) Bike Races
                   a. Red Light Racing
                   b. Torrington TT
                   c. Gangsta GP
 VII.  Phone Calls Script
VIII.  Special Thanks
  IX.  Credits

I.  Version History
          1.00 - Date (mm/dd/yyyy): 05/14/2006
                 Finished with the ASCII art and the script for all the
                 missions of the game, as well as the racing missions
                 and the phone calls.
          1.01 - Date (mm/dd/yyyy): 05/18/2006
          1.02 - Date (mm/dd/yyyy): 05/18/2006
          1.05 - Date (mm/dd/yyyy): 05/24/2006
                 Major additions/corrections, "Credits" section added.
          1.07 - Date (mm/dd/yyyy): 05/24/2006
                 Some more corrections
          1.08 - Date (mm/dd/yyyy): 05/26/2006
                 Minor corrections
          1.09 - Date (mm/dd/yyyy): 06/13/2006
                 One correction

II.  Of the Author and the FAQ

Hello, I'm Maggotkill and I'm a 15 year old gamer from Greece. I especially
like the dialogues of the GTA games and I'd be really proud to make a FAQ for
the script of one of them. Liberty City Stories gripped my attention recently
and it's script as well as dialogues amazed me for they are ingenious, smart
and directive. This FAQ is quite simply the proof of my love for this addictive
game and it's dialogues, despite of how stupid this may sound. 

The FAQ contains the script for all the missions of the game, including the
primary missions and the racing missions. It also contains the non in-mission
phone calls received throughout the game. Enjoy.


III.  Contact

For the fact that this is my first FAQ, I may have some mistakes, or might be
in need of corrections somewhere. A fact that makes my email address essential
No one knows! This is the greatest support you can offer me, for my 'colossal'
work! So, here it is:  [email protected] Drop me a line for your opinion
on the FAQ and the ASCII logo, or corrections. You will be heard!

 IV.  Legal Crap

This document is Copyright 2006-2007 Maggotkill and cannot be reproduced
under any circumstances, except for personal, private use. It may not be placed
on any web site or otherwise distributed publicly without advance written

Only the following sites can, now, host this guide:

                   Gamefaqs ->
                SuperCheats ->
                  Neoseeker ->
Maggotkill's Game Community -> 
       (my website)

  V.  Primary Missions Script

                     --CHARACTER KEY--
                 (In order of appearance)

    TONI = Toni Cipriani                WAYNE = Wayne
     SAL = Salvatore Leone             MIGUEL = Miguel
  VINNIE = Vincenzo                    DONALD = Donald Love
  CHERYL = Cheryl                        LEON = Leon McAffrey
      JD = JD O'Toole                     RAY = Ray Machowski
 MASSIMO = Massimo Torini      FATHER NED/NED = Father Ned/Ned Burner
  MICKEY = Mickey                     TOSHIKO = Toshiko Kasen
      MA = Ma Cipriani                   PHIL = Phil Cassidy
    CASA = Giovanni Casa               KAZUKI = Kazuki Kasen
  HOPPER = Jane Hopper                  8BALL = 8-Ball
  PAULIE = Paul Sindacco                MAYOR = Mayor O'Donovan
   MARIA = Maria                        UNCLE = Uncle Leone

1) Intro

   SAL: Hey... So there he is, huh?
   SAL: So listen, Toni, I know you did a good thing for us,
   SAL: and I know you've been lying low for a long time,
   SAL: so I want you to take it easy a while, huh?
   SAL: Vincenzo will look after you.
   SAL: You need some money, ask him.
   SAL: You need a job - Lucky will take care of you.
   SAL: What more could a family guy ask for?
   SAL: Even my son don't got it so good.
  TONI: But, Mr. Leone, I thought we got history,
  TONI: I mean I've done a lot for this family.
  TONI: And now, you're expecting me to take orders from this... this...
  TONI: Well, it just doesn't seem... right.
   SAL: Toni,  know what you did, and no one is more grateful than me,
   SAL: but the idea that you walk here
   SAL: and start to question my leadership right away is, quite frankly
   SAL: out of order. Capiche?
  TONI: I understand, boss.
   SAL: So when you need something, give Vincenzo a call down at the
        Atlantic Quay.
   SAL: He'll take care of you. Won't you, Lucky?
VINNIE: Of course, boss. Anything you say.
VINNIE: Tell you what; we can go there now.

2) Vincenzo

a. Home Sweet Home
VINNIE: I've got you a nice little place to stay, Toni
VINNIE: It's got you written all over it.
VINNIE: We'll head there first.
  TONI: You're all heart.

VINNIE: This is it, Toni. 'Home sweet home'. Beautiful, ain't she?
  TONI: This shit hole is supposed to be my home?
VINNIE: Oh! I think it's very you.
VINNIE: Now you're disrespecting old Vincenzo.
VINNIE: Now, tough guy, get your ass upstairs and go put on some decent
VINNIE: I don't got all day, so move.

VINNIE: Now take me to my place.

VINNIE: Hey, apartments cost money Toni.
VINNIE: Just you remember who pays the bills around here.
VINNIE: ME! Daddy Vincenzo over here.
VINNIE: So, from now on, you work for me.
VINNIE: So, I better see you back here real soon.

b. Slacker
VINNIE: We've got a dealer, working our North Chinatown patch.
VINNIE: That lazy bastard ain't brought any cash in, in days.
VINNIE: Maybe he needs some encouragement to get off his ass and do some work
VINNIE: Acting like a bitch... he kinda reminds me of you.
  TONI: What are you trying to say?
VINNIE: I ain't TRYING to say nothing!
VINNIE: I'm telling you to get over there and make sure this asshole starts
        bringing in some god damn money!

  TONI: So, Vincenzo tell me you're too chicken-shit to work your patch?
DEALER: Hey man! I'm no chicken-shit!
DEALER: I... er... been ill is all!
DEALER: I'll go back tomorrow... or, maybe, the day after.
  TONI: Oh, I think you're going to work today... like it or not!

DEALER: Oh, man...
DEALER: I don't feel too good... I think I might have a fever or something.
DEALER: I told Vinnie already... Chinatown's no go for the Leones now!
DEALER: The Sindaccos are moving in! If I go there, I'm a dead man!
  TONI: Sure... sure...
DEALER: I'm telling you, man! The Sindaccos are dealing.

c. Dealing Revenge
  TONI: Vinnie?
VINNIE: For crying out loud, Toni! Don't I get any peace?
VINNIE: I'm already blocked up, last thing I need is you on my case
VINNIE: but as you're still here, you know, I'm not seeing any money coming in
        from that dealer. You know why?
  TONI: Enlighten me.
VINNIE: 'Cause he's dead, Idiot! Some chump whacked him.
VINNIE: The Sindaccos have started dealing, and on Leone turf too!
VINNIE: You gonna gonna accept that, Toni?
VINNIE: I want you to get over to Chinatown!
  TONI: Alright, 'Boss', I'm on it.
VINNIE: Aw God! Why's there never any God-damn paper in here?

  TONI: Stay outta Leone turn asshole!

  TONI: You want some more, ass-head?

  TONI: The Leone's deal in this city! Nobody else! You hear me, you
        Sindacco fucks?

d. Snuff
VINNIE: Hey, remember JD O'Toole?
  TONI: Difficult to forget...
VINNIE: He's currently running a Sindacco-controlled titty-bar, I mean
        gentleman's club.
VINNIE: The interesting thing is, he wants to be a Leone now.
  TONI: Fuck him! He made his choice.
VINNIE: Hello, brain-cell! Jeez, Toni, Sal said you was dumb muscle,
VINNIE: but I didn't think anyone was that dumb.
VINNIE: We can use JD to get the drop on Sindacco plans.
VINNIE: He's gonna be our boy on the inside.
VINNIE: There's just one thing.
VINNIE: He's being sat on by some Sindacco ape.
VINNIE: I want you to remove this little obstacle
VINNIE: and get JD by our side. Capiche?

           [PHONE CALL]
JD(PHONE): Toni... oh you just gave me some great snuff footage!
     TONI: JD? You saw that? YOU'RE FILMING ME?!
JD(PHONE): Aw, I was just... it's for my own use!
JD(PHONE): I can't wait 'till we're on the same team!
     TONI: Don't get too excited. You still owe me money.
JD(PHONE): Take that Sindaccos chump's car as a deposit, uh?
JD(PHONE): Just re-spray it so no one recognizes it.
JD(PHONE): I'll take care of his body.

e. Smash and Grab
VINNIE: Oh, it's you.
  TONI: Yeah, how 'bout that. It's me. What-do-ya-know!
VINNIE: I'll tell you what I know tough guy.
VINNIE: Some of our boys have screwed up a simple, no brain, fucking job.
VINNIE: Lousy bastards can't even pull off a simple raid.
VINNIE: Marron! Why am I surrounded by so many fucking idiots?
  TONI: I don't know... 'birds of a feather'?
VINNIE: Oh, you're a fucking comedian!
VINNIE: Well, laugh this off wise-guy.
VINNIE: You're the one who's gonna clear this shit up for me!
VINNIE: Now get over there and drag those morons back here!

MAFIOSO: We're screwed!

MAFIOSO: Floor it Toni!

f. Hot Wheels
VINNIE: Sure, momma. I'll call you later.
  TONI: Vincenzo!
VINNIE: Yeah of course, of course I'm being a good boy.
VINNIE: Love you.
VINNIE: Hey Cheryl, hey sweetheart, give it a rest now.
VINNIE: Here now get out of here.
VINNIE: A little trumpetto for you.
VINNIE: Hey who loves you, angel?
CHERYL: You do Vinnie.
  TONI: Was that your mother on the phone?
  TONI: You're disgusting. Where's your respect?
VINNIE: Respect? I call it multi-tasking, Antonio.
VINNIE: What? You don't like a hot broad to suck you off?
  TONI: What?
VINNIE: Cause if it's a problem, I can get Ray to help you out.
  TONI: Fuck you.
VINNIE: I'm just busting your balls, relax.
VINNIE: Listen, tough guy - I need you to do me a favor.
VINNIE: I got girls crazy for blow; I got a car full of it parked in Trenton.
VINNIE: Go pick it up... give me a call.
  TONI: What am I? Your driver? Screw you.
VINNIE: Listen, listen, listen, listen...
VINNIE: I'd do it myself, but I'm being watched by the feds.
VINNIE: You know I'll look out for you. Trust me.
VINNIE: Besides, remember there's a hierarchy here, Capiche? Now be a good kid!

   COP: Don't move asshole!

        [PHONE CALL]
VINNIE: Hey! Toni, how's the car?
  TONI: You son of a bitch, Vinnie! You set me up!
VINNIE: Set you up? SET YOU UP?
VINNIE: When you came back to the city you had nothing! NOTHING!
VINNIE: I set you up alright, you ungrateful bastard!
VINNIE: With an apartment and a job!
VINNIE: And for that generosity I expect you to take a few risks now and then.
VINNIE: I ain't a charity, pal, okay? And I ain't your sugar daddy.
VINNIE: So the police were watching the car! Screw the police!
VINNIE: When I tell you to do something, you do it. Capiche?
  TONI: Oh, yeah, I understand Vinnie.
  TONI: I understand that as long as I work for you, I get treated like a bitch.
  TONI: I was making scores while you were looking up girl's skirts.
  TONI: Have your bitch job back, 'boss'. I quit.
VINNIE: Toni, you're making a big...

g. The Portland Chainsaw Masquerade
        [PHONE CALL]
  TONI: Vinnie, I'm here! Where the hell are you? What is this?
VINNIE: Toni? Com esta? ...I knew you'd call.
VINNIE: Listen, I'm down at the Portland docks
VINNIE: We've got a big shipment just come in. Get yourself down here. I'm
        onboard the big freighter.
  TONI: I don't know Vinnie... I got stuff to do.
VINNIE: Look, I know I've been an asshole to you Toni. And for that, I'm truly
VINNIE: But from now on we'll be like partners.. okay. Better than partners...
VINNIE: So, come on. What do you say? It's what Salvatore wants.
  TONI: Okay. For Salvatore.
  TONI: But if you pull any of that daddy bullshit, you're a dead man.

MAN1: Wahaahha! I'm gonna cut you up little man!
MAN2: Diiiiiiiiie!
MAN3: Hahahahahaha!

VINNIE: Is that dumb-ass gimp dead yet?
  TONI: Hate to disappoint you Vinnie.
VINNIE: You son of a bitch! Why can't you just die already?
VINNIE: You should have never come back Toni.
VINNIE: I worked my fingers to the bone for Salvatore.
VINNIE: And you just come wandering back to town and he's all, Toni this, and
        Toni that!
VINNIE: This is my town Toni! MY TOWN!
VINNIE: You ain't taking it away from me!
VINNIE: I'm gonna enjoy this.

3) JD O'Toole

a. Bone Voyeur!
TONI: Hey! JD get out here!
TONI: Hey JD, you little sicko, get the fuck out here,
TONI: before I come in there and break your legs!
  JD: I'm coming... but not like that, ha ha ha!
  JD: Hey, Toni, que pasa? Give us a hug.
TONI: Woah, you're sticky!
  JD: Oh, it's the stripper stuff they put all over me, you know.
  JD: They like it, you know. They put it anywhere and uh... so, how you doing?
TONI: What the fuck are you wearing?
  JD: What, this? I'm an adventurous lover.
  JD: You know I like... an experimental side, y'know?
  JD: Nothing wrong with that, huh? You can watch if you like.
TONI: Oh, you're sick. You better shut the fuck up, right now.
  JD: Okay, relax Toni...
TONI: Where's my money?
  JD: See, that's the problem. We are getting ripped off.
  JD: Alright, now you wait here.
  JD: I gotta go change out of, uh... this thing, you know.
  JD: Hey Raven - time to put away the double ender.
  JD: Hey Toni, let's you and me go for a drive.
  JD: We got some things we gotta check out... Okay! Okay!

  JD: Nice work, Toni!
  JD: I don't think the girls are gonna give me any more trouble on this shift.

b. Don in 60 Seconds
  JD: Thank God you're here Toni!
  JD: I just had a tip off that the cops are gonna raid us!
TONI: So? You've got a license.
  JD: Not for the shit that goes on here!
  JD: Salvatore is here, paying my girls a... 'Special' visit... you know?
  JD: We gotta get him out of here before the cops arrive!
  JD: Meet him out front!
TONI: Never a dull moment.

 SAL: Get me the hell out of here!

 SAL: You did good today son. I like your style. I always have.
TONI: Thank you Mr. Leone.
 SAL: You know, I think Vincenzo is taking up too much of your time.
 SAL: I could use a good fella like you.
 SAL: Gimme a call some time. Uncle Sal will take care of you.

c. A Volatile Situation
  JD: Hey Toni, I can't come out right now, I'm busy... you know?
TONI: Why? What going on in there? ...and what the hell is that smell?
  JD: Look, Toni, we're catering for some real ah... specialists today.
  JD: This stuff is internet gold-dust!
  JD: What should be concerning yourself with is that Leone gambling house, up
      in Saint Mark's.
  JD: The Sindaccos are going nuts about it.
  JD: I heard they're gonna blow the place off the map.

      [PHONE CALL]
  JD: Toni? It's JD.
  JD: Look, I just heard there's a bunch of Sindacco goons coming your way.
  JD: And they're packing, big-time!
  JD: Watch yourself!
TONI: Thanks JD!
TONI: Appreciate it.

d. Blow Up 'Dolls'
  JD: So Toni, the Sindaccos' got this place - 'The Dolls House'
  JD: It's a casino AND bordello in one.
TONI: Classy, so you might lose at the tables, but you can bank on the ass!
  JD: Heh heh! Well, the place is key to their setup over here.
  JD: If you were to, uh... put it out of business, you know, uh...blow it up
      or something.
  JD: I'm telling you, we'll be golden with Salvatore!

Sindacco1: Who is he?
Sindacco2: I don't recognize him.
Sindacco3: Must be a new guy.

e. Salvatore's Salvation
  JD: Toni, thank god you're here.
  JD: I'm sweating like my uncle in a school yard -  my minds going crazy.
  JD: What are we gonna do?
TONI: About what?
  JD: Oh God I can't believe it, he is gonna cut my balls off.
  JD: He's gonna put them in a vice! Not necessarily in that order.
  JD: Oh God! I feel like the day the FBI searched my hard drive!
  JD: Oh, my heart's racing. Have you got any vallion?
  JD: Or rohapnin? What about...
  JD: No, no... See I got too many of those...
TONI: What's going on?
  JD: Oh God I can't believe this...
  JD: Why am I to blame?! It's not my fault.
  JD: But you know Salvatore, he's gonna get the vice squad on my ass.
  JD: Oh my God, it's gonna be like those statutory rape charges.
  JD: Have you ever been in prison on statutory rape charges, man?
  JD: They come in at you at the showers!
  JD: Oh God, and she was 18! Oh my God! This is gonna be worse!
TONI: Listen you babbling cock sucker. What in god's name is wrong?
  JD: It's Salvatore. He was kidnapped while leaving the club.
TONI: Well why didn't you say so? Instead of making me listen to that crap.
      Come on.
  JD: That's one of the guys who took Salvatore!

SINDACCO1: Where is he? In the trunk?
SINDACCO1: Good. We're taking him to the crusher. The boss wants him flatter
           than pizza.

 SAL: Mmmphhh - mmmphhh - mpphh
TONI: Is that you Mr. Leone? It's me, Toni.
TONI Don't worry about a thing. I'm getting you out of there!
 SAL: Mmpphh - arrgghh - arrggghh - arrg

 SAL: What kind of driving was that? You trying to kill me?
TONI: Mr. Leone. Boss. I'm sorry.
TONI: What can I tell ya?
 SAL: Sons of Bitches! They think they can do that to me!
 SAL: I'll tear their fucking hearts out! This doens't end here!
 SAL: ...for Christ sake Toni - you saved my ass - call me Sal!

f. The Guns of Leone
           [PHONE CALL]
JD(PHONE): Thank God! Toni.
     TONI: JD? Hey, I'm at the back of...
JD(PHONE): I know. I saw you go in. I've been praying you'd turn up!
JD(PHONE): Salvatore's gone ape-shit!
JD(PHONE): He's coming down here personally, to kill every Sindacco he can
JD(PHONE): I took a hike. Look, I've put a sniper rifle on the roof
           across the street.
JD(PHONE): Make sure no harm comes to Salvatore.

SINDACCO: Someone dropped a dollar!

SAL: Is that the best you got?

SAL: You fight like pussies!

SAL: Oh, you want some!

g. Calm Before the Storm
TONI: So, Salvatore cleaned house, huh... and now he's fixing up yours!
  JD: It's all mine now, Toni!
  JD: Those cock-sucking Sindaccos all been kicked out.
  JD: Listen, I hear the Sicilians are trying to broker peace between the
  JD: Sal's got some heavy up at his place right now.
  JD: The thing is; he smells a rat.
  JD: He wants someone to get up there and follow this guy, see where he goes.


MASSIMO: Come siamo rimasti d'accordo,
MASSIMO: if you do my associates work for them, you'll be well rewarded.
MASSIMO: ...Hepburn Heights will belong to the Diablos.

MASSIMO: quei bastardi dei Leone tied down in Portland,
MASSIMO: ans when my associates control this city, you'll be taken care of.
MASSIMO: Si pensiamo noi.
  TRIAD: Over there! It's a Leone!

h. The Made Man
    JD: Toni... it's all happening today!
    JD: I'm gonna be a 'Made Man', me!
  TONI: JD, the untouchable?
  TONI: God help us all!
    JD: I've waited a long time for this...
    JD: It never woulda' happened without you Toni.
  TONI: Hey! I'm crying over here! Come on!
    JD: Hey Mickey! How you doing?
MICKEY: The ceremony's in Harwood.

  JD: This is great!
  JD: I slaved for the Sindaccos for years and nothing!
  JD: Those bastards kept me down
  JD: just 'cause of a little Irish blood in my veins.
  JD: But Salvatore, god bless him, he don't let a little thing like that get
      in the way.
  JD: Toni, man, you've got to chill out.
  JD: Ah, Toni, I tell ya! I can't believe this is happening.
  JD: Finally, huh Toni? To be a 'made man'!

  JD: Hey, are we there?
  JD: Where's Salvatore?
  JD: Toni, the first drink's on me...


MICKEY: Hey, the guy was a fucking rat.
MICKEY: He screwed over his own boss! Disgrazia'.
MICKEY: Salvatore could never have trusted that mother fucker.
MICKEY: Dump the fucking car in the river.
MICKEY: You can drop me off on the way.
MICKEY: If the cops see the car like this, they'll pull is over for sure!

MICKEY: I'm getting the hell outta here!

4) Ma Cipriani

a. Snappy Dresser
TONI: It's me! I'm back!
  MA: Toni?...Where the hell have you been?
  MA: Not one phone call all the time you were away!
  MA: They don't have phones where you were?
TONI: Aw! Come on Ma! You know I couldn't call!
  MA: A real man would have called his mother.
  MA: You could learn a thing or two from Giovanni Casa.
  MA: He calls his mother every day,
  MA: Now, he's a good man
  MA: And his Sicilian sausage in the best in town!
TONI: Casa! But Ma, Casa ain't no good man. He's a pervert!
  MA: That's just a foul mouthed rumor! What kind of man are you, Toni?
TONI: Alright Ma, whatever you say.
  MA: Maybe I'll go give Giovanni a call... see what he's up to.

CASA: I think I'm in the mood for some luvin'


CASA: Ok ladies. Give me a minute here will ya.
CASA: I'm gonna change into something that's a little more... me.
CASA: Okay ladies! It's milk time!
CASA: Who's gonna be momma?
GIRL: Oh my!
CASA: Aw, come on girl! Get with the program!

CASA: Oh God! Oh God!

TONI: Hey Ma!
TONI: Take a look at my photo! It's your 'good man' Giovanni Casa... wearing a
      goddamn diaper!
  MA: Is this how you spend your time?
  MA: Sneaking in the woods taking pictures of men?
  MA: What's wrong with you Antonio? You shame me!
TONI: But!
  MA: And, diaper or no diaper, he's still a better man than you!

b. Big Rumble in Little China
TONI: Ma!... Ma!... come on Ma... speak to me.
  MA: There's no 'Ma' here for you no more, you coward!
  MA: You can't fool me... I know why you don't move back in here.
  MA: You're running scared of some Triads!
  MA: Your father, God rest his soul, wouldn't let no one run him out of his
      own home.
TONI: But Ma!
  MA: Unlike you, your father wasn't yellow!
  MA: Until the Triads show you some repsect, you're no son of mine!
  MA: A daughter maybe, but not a son.

TONI: This is Toni Cipriani kicking your asses!
TONI: Remember that name fish heads!

c. Grease Sucho
TONI: Ma? I'm back...
  MA: Look at you! You look so thin!
  MA: If you were still living here, with your mother, like a son should, you'd
      be eating right!
  MA: And look at those cars you drive!
  MA: You shame me, Antonio, you really do.
  MA: People will think I brought you up wrong!
TONI: What can I do Ma? You know I'd do anything for you.
  MA: That Sucho boy's racing downtown today.
  MA: If only you were more like him!
  MA: He treats his mother with real respect.
  MA: Of course if your father was here, he'd win the race,
  MA: AND take that smug grin off that Sucho boy's face!
  MA: Yeah, he'd make him eat lead!
  MA: Ah! Your father was a real man! Big balls!

d. Dead Meat
TONI: Ma!... Ma!... are you there?
  MA: I ain't talking to you no more, Toni!
  MA: You shame your Sicilian roots!
  MA: After you took that photo of Casa, he stopped paying his protection money.
  MA: And what are you doing about it?
  MA: Your father would have turned him into meatballs by now!
  MA: Casa might be a bit funny,
  MA: But it takes guts to snub a Cipriani!
  MA: I only wish you had his guts!
TONI: You wish I had Casa's guts?
TONI: Okay, Ma! you asked for 'em!

CASA: Hi, Toni... how you doing?
CASA: What's up?
TONI: You and me are gonna talk, Casa...
TONI: Just somewhere more private.

CASA: So... er... where are we going?

CASA: We're still cool ain't we, Toni?

CASA: ...I'll get you the money I owe... honest!
CASA: I just need some time!

CASA: Does your Ma still like a spicy sausage?
CASA: I can get her some, no problem!

CASA: So... erm... what do you wanna talk about, Toni?
CASA: Is it the protection money?
CASA: It is isn't it?
CASA: ...Toni?
CASA: We can talk about this. Right Toni?
CASA: Yeah! Yeah! Talking is good.
CASA: People just don't talk enough these days, Toni.
TONI: Stand there and shut your yap, Casa.
CASA: Okay Toni! But I... I don't feel comfortable.
CASA: Hey! Easy with that Toni! It's the switch for the...
CASA: Someone help me!

CASA: Call the cops!

CASA: Help!

CLERK: Special sausage meat delivery?
CLERK: No one told me about this!
CLERK: Woah! Which zoo did we knock-off this time?
CLERK: There's loads of meat back here!
CLERK: ...Mmmm! Tasty! Okay, I'll take them.
CLERK: It's a good thing Casa ain't here.
CLERK: If he finds out about this, he'll go crazy!

e. No Son of Mine
TONI: Ma? You there?
  MA: Toni? I'm just on the phone...
  MA: ...yeah he's here now... ok... ok... I'll stall him... bye.
  MA: Toni? Come to upset your mother again, huh?
  MA: You spend all day playing the tough guy.
  MA: You never come see me, or bring home any nice girls.
  MA: But, who'd want you anyway? You look so pasty and thin!
  MA: You're trying to kill me with the shame and the worry. Well no more.
  MA: From this point on... we're through.
  MA: I've called a hit on you. It's really the only way, Antonio...
TONI: What!? Ma!
  MA: You were always a disobedient boy.
  MA: It's for the best son... at least try to die like a real man!
  MA: Try to stop shaming me!

5) Maria

a. Shop 'till you Strop
MARIA: You're late! Typical man.
MARIA: I want to go shopping, and you're driving.
MARIA: So help me, I'm gonna have some fun today. Even if it kills you!
MARIA: I just need to finish getting ready!
MARIA: Ah screw it! I'm gorgeous. Come on Toni!

MARIA: Wait here sexy, I won't be long...


MARIA: (But I just wanted to see what it looked like in the daylight!)
MARIA: (Take your God-damn hands off me!)


MARIA: That was fun! But, I'm gonna need to pick up some other stuff.

MARIA: Keep the engine running..
 TONI: Come on Maria! No more stealing!
MARIA: Aw, hush Toni baby! That was all a misunderstanding back there!


MARIA: (I'm telling you, I don't have anything hidden up there!)
MARIA: (Get the hell off me!)



MARIA: Toni, honey, I had a great time today.
MARIA: You can drop by later and we can have some more fun.
MARIA: See ya later handsome!

b. Taken for a Ride
MARIA: Spot it! One of Salvatore's dogs is bringing me right over...
MARIA: ...oh, he's a charmer
MARIA: Maybe too thin tough.
MARIA: ...yeah.
MARIA: So, listen, I wanna party, but the cupboard is bare.
MARIA: You got some sugar? Oure cane huh?
MARIA: Great. Ciao.
MARIA: Come on Toni. I've got places I need to be.

MARIA: Let's move it. My dealer won't hang around all day.

MARIA: There they are. Just pull in behind them, there's a good boy.
 TONI: I'm not sure I like this.
MARIA: It's sweet you're worried. But, I'm Salvatore's girl, I'll be fine.

MARIA: I ain't going anywhere with you! Who the hell do you think you are?
  MAN: Drive!
MARIA: Toni!
 TONI: Oh shit!

MARIA: Come on Toni!

MARIA: For Christ-sake Toni, come on!

MARIA: Save me, Toni!

MARIA: Help!

 TONI: Happy now?
MARIA: Toni Cipriani. My Hero!
MARIA: You know what? I'm all partied out. Take me home stud.
MARIA: So uh, you wanna come up... for a... uh... coffee or somethin'?
 TONI: I'll pass.
MARIA: You sure? Well, call me.

c. Booby Prize
MARIA(LETTER): Dear Toni, I've put myself up as the first prize in a street-
MARIA(LETTER): If Salvatore finds out about this we're both going to be in big
MARIA(LETTER): So you'd better come and save my ass... then maybe it'll belong
               to you!
MARIA(LETTER): Forever yours, Maria.

 TONI: Come on Maria. Let's go.
MARIA: Well, finally! Tough guy makes his move.
 TONI: Look Maria. You're Salvatore's girl...
MARIA: I'm my own girl!
MARIA:'re such a God-damn square!
MARIA: Come on Wayne! Let's party!

d. Biker Heat
 TONI: What have you taken now?
MARIA: Nothing.
 TONI: What was this time, huh?
 TONI: Smack? Downers? Ludes? A little too much trumpet?
 TONI: Not enough Diceypam?
 TONI: A little too much sideways not enough up?
MARIA: Shut up Toni!
 TONI: Who did this to you?
MARIA: No one.
 TONI: Who was it?
MARIA: This guy I'm seeing, Wayne.
 TONI: Some guy you're seeing, you're my boss's girl!
MARIA: C'mon Toni, don't be so square, besides, he gets me this great speed,
       you know?
MARIA: A girl needs a lift.
MARIA: Plus it makes you really wild in bed.
 TONI: Shut up. Why did he do this to you,
 TONI: this dead prick Wayne?
MARIA: I told him I was in love with somebody else.
MARIA: I told him about me and you, TOni.
MARIA: And then he hit me!
 TONI: There is no you and me! Christ, you're killing me!
 TONI: Where is this Wayne?
MARIA: He deals at a bar down in Chinatown.
MARIA: I love you, Toni Cipriani.


 TONI: Are you Wayne?
WAYNE: Who wants to know?
 TONI: I'm a friend of Maria's.
 TONI: ...beating up on women is what gets your motor running, huh?
WAYNE: That bitch had it coming!
 TONI: Yeah? Well, now so do you!
WAYNE: Get him!

e. Overdose of Trouble
MARIA: Oh hey baby... Oh I thought you'd never make it.
 TONI: What is wrong with you?
MARIA: Oops! Nothing, baby it's all good.
 TONI: Get up you crazy bitch. What have you taken now?
MARIA: Taken now? Nothing much.
MARIA: You know, a couple of, a couple of greens, a couple of heavy reds.
MARIA: Oh and these great pills I'm getting from Holland now.
MARIA: Pure as hell! I feel great.
MARIA: No, I don't.
MARIA: I need a zap, and I'll be fine!
MARIA: They're here somewhere.
 TONI: What's a zap?
MARIA: A zap? You don't know what a zap is?
MARIA: Ah, Toni, you are so square!
MARIA: Toni, I love you.
 TONI: Come on, make sense.
MARIA: I need a zap Toni! I'm gonna die!
MARIA: I felt like this before, I've OD'd.
MARIA: Get me a zap, Toni!
MARIA: I left them at Callahan Point.
 TONI: Don't just sit there then come on!

MARIA: Why have you brought me here?
MARIA: My stuff isn't here... this is where Wayne used to hang out.
MARIA: ...I remember! I've got some zap stashed is Hepburn Heights!
BIKER: Hey, it's that bitch Maria! And that's the fuck who killed Wayne!

MARIA: [groan]

MARIA: I hid the zap behind the trashcan!

MARIA: Shit! The trash's been taken!

MARIA: Wait! I remember! I've still got a stash at my apartment!
 TONI: You sure this tme?
MARIA: Of course I'm sure!

MARIA: I meant Salvatore's place! I meant Salvatore's!
 TONI: For crying out loud, Maria!

MARIA: What kind of driver are you? That took ages! I could have OD'ed!
MARIA: I'm a mess! I'm gonna need a new wardrobe, a little nip-and-tuck, the
MARIA: Honey ...have you got some money?
 TONI: Er... not really...
MARIA: Well, what the hell have you been coming to me for? I'm Salvatore's
MARIA: He's loaded! Don't you ever hit on me again!

6) Salvatore Leone (Portland Island)

a. The Offer
TONI: Eh, boss, you okay?
 SAL: Do I look okay?
 SAL: Then what are you? A fuckin' moron?
 SAL: You're always saying the obvious.
 SAL: I can't believe I'm surrounded by people like you.
TONI: Sorry.
 SAL: Listen, I'm sorry. Toni, you're one of my most trusted allies.
 SAL: After what you did, you're like a son to me - better than my son
 SAL: better than any son.
 SAL: Your mother's a lucky woman.
TONI: So I hear.
 SAL: Anthony, it's over for guys like us.
 SAL: We're dinosaurs. Or dodos. Or dildos. Or something.
 SAL: I tell you, even in my own family I feel like Jesus surrounded by twelve
 SAL: I mean, listen to this;
 SAL: I got a union boss - a broad no less - that I need to do me a favor,
 SAL: and she asks for money?
 SAL: All I wanted was 24 hours access to the docks, while the strike was going
 SAL: strikes that I helped organize, so my boys could offload some drugs,
 SAL: and now I get this horse shit!
 SAL: I mean these people are people that I personally fought for,
 SAL: people I've killed for, honest people.
 SAL: And this is how they repay me?
TONI: It's insulting.
 SAL: It's a disgrace. We're finished, men of honor like you and me.
 SAL: Listen, Toni, I want you to take something to her.
TONI: You're gonna take this crap off a broad?
 SAL: For now what choice do I have?
 SAL: Look, go down there, pay her off - and tell her I'd like to have a word
      with her.
 SAL: Go.

  TONI: Salvatore wants to talk.
HOPPER: I'm not playing Salvatore's game.
HOPPER: Thanks for the donation, kid... see you around.

b. Ho Selecta
       [TONI COMES IN]
MARIA: Is this one of your new doggies, Sal?
 TONI: Mr. Leone?
  SAL: Toni! Come sta?
  SAL: I'm glad you showed up. I want you to do something for me...
  SAL: If I can't get that bitch of a union boss on my side, I can sure as shit
       get her guys to play along. You capiche?

GIRL1: Are you all alone, Sweetie?

GIRL2: So where's the party, Sugar?

GIRL3: Hey, baby! Looking for a good time?

c. Frighteners
 SAL: Toni! How are you my boy?
 SAL: You look a little thin. Isn't your momma feeding you right?
TONI: I'm good Mr. Leone.
 SAL: Listen, these union guys - they're getting me pissed.
 SAL: It looks some of them are starting to see things my way
 SAL: ...but we just need to turn up the heat on some of the 'less than
      receptive' union big shots.
 SAL: You know what I'm talking about?

                [CAR GETS SMASHED]
UNION BIGSHOT1: What are you doing? Are you crazy?!
                [CAR GETS SMASHED
UNION BIGSHOT2: I only had two more payments for that car! You son of a bitch!

TONI: From now on you do as you're told!

d. Rollercoaster Ride
RADIO: (This strike will continue until I get some assurances from this
RADIO: (Mafiosi, thinking they can run the union, can think again!)
  SAL: Listen to this shit.
RADIO: (They don't scare me!)
RADIO: (I've got bigger balls than all of them!)
  SAL: I should call a hit on this bitch. She's taking me for a ride!
  SAL: ...well two can play that game
  SAL: Toni, you're gonna deliver a message for me!


   HOPPER: Harwood ferry station and step on it!
     TONI: You said it!
HOPPER: Hey, take it easy, we're not in a race!
HOPPER: Hey, you're not my regular driver!
HOPPER: Who the hell are you?!
  TONI: Shut up!
  TONI: From now on you do exactly what Salvatore Leone tell you to!
  TONI: Capiche?
HOPPER: I... I refuse to be scared by this!
  TONI: We'll see!

HOPPER: Let me out right now!

HOPPER: Please! You'll kill us both!

HOPPER: OK! OK! I've had enough!
HOPPER: I'll do whatever you want.

  TONI: And don't forget our little agreement, Lady!

e. Contra-Banned
  SAL: Shut up, you ungrateful bitch.
  SAL: I'll knock you into next week if I hear another word from you.
MARIA: Oh, that's right, big dick.
MARIA: What are you gonna do? Hit me?
  SAL: Why I outta...
MARIA: That's the only time you touch me these days.
  SAL: Why the fuck would I wanna touch you?
  SAL: I don't like used goods
  SAL: You revolt me.
MARIA: Me? Revolt you? What?
  SAL: Yeah! Revolt!
MARIA: Oh please. You know what?
MARIA: My daddy was right when he said you were nothing but a fat slob...
  SAL: Yeah yeah yeah yeah... 
        [TONI COMES IN]
MARIA: Hi, Toni...
MARIA: I want my money, old man!
  SAL: Get outta here, you tramp.
  SAL: Hey, Anthony, you're an angel of mercy.
  SAL: Women, what are you gonna do about them, huh?
  SAL: Luckily, I can trust someone in my life - you, Toni.
  SAL: You're very important to me. Did I ever tell you that?
MARIA: You can't even get it up you old bastard.
  SAL: Not for you. I don't like using public toilets, you slut!
  SAL: Very important. So listen - it's you and me now. We're in charge.
  SAL: We've got those fools on the run.
MARIA: How would you know? You're more interested in hanging out with men!
  SAL: And you're only happy when you've got your drawers roung your ankles
  SAL: and your back against a wall!
  SAL: Christ - I've met rabbits who like to fuck less than you!
  SAL: So listen, this is important...
MARIA: Fuck you, Salvatore Leone,
MARIA: you no dick bullying wife beating piece of Italian shit.
  SAL: Fuck me? Fuck you? In fact, everyone has!
  SAL: Anyway, I got a shipment of you know what coming in.
  SAL: This is going to put us - you and me - on the map big time.
  SAL: Everything should run smooth.
  SAL: I just need someone - someone I trust - to take care of things for me.
  SAL: Alright Toni, I'll talk to you later.
  SAL: And another thing - I never met a girl with hydraulic underwear.
  SAL: It amazes me! Christ! How did I marry her?
  SAL: I was looking for a tramp, I married a slut!
  SAL: I must have really pissed someone off in my past life,
  SAL: I'll tell you that much.


MIGUEL: Heeey... Ese... you were supposed to be here hours ago!
  TONI: Quit whining Miguel. You got the stuff?
MIGUEL: Hey, I'm a busy man Toni. Next time I'll find another buyer!
  TONI: Yeah, I doubt you'll find anyone else who pays what we do.
MIGUEL: Heh heh ha! I like you Toni. You got big balls - like a bull!
  TONI: got our money?
MIGUEL: Sure...


TONI: What?
TONI: You greaseball fuck!

f. Sindacco Sabotage
 SAL: Toni, we got trouble. Big trouble!
TONI: What is it Sal?
 SAL: What's the world coming to? We got the Diablos crawling all over us in
 SAL: They're kicking our asses!
 SAL: We just finish one God-damn war and BANG! We're right in the middle of
 SAL: I swear - just when things were looking up! - I'm cursed! I'm fucking
TONI: Hey! Don't worry about a thing boss! I'll deal with this.

            [PHONE CALL]
      TONI: Sal?
SAL(PHONE): Toni! Is it over? How'd it go?
      TONI: It's not good Sal.
      TONI: I saved a few guys, but we'd lost too many before I got here.
      TONI: I think we're gonna lose this part of town.
SAL(PHONE): Over my dead body! This ain't done yet!
SAL(PHONE): I ain't losing shit! The Leones don't retreat from nothing!
SAL(PHONE): Are you hearing me, Toni?
SAL(PHONE): You said it Sal.

g. The Trouble with Triads
 TONI: Hey, Sal!
  SAL: Toni! What do you think of the new car?
  SAL: She's a beauty, huh? Fully loaded, top of the line.
MARIA: What's that smell?
MARIA: ...oh, yeah, Mid-Life Crisis!
  SAL: Shut up! Toni listen.
  SAL: I got a shit load of money that need to be picked up from my warehouse
       down at Callahan Point.
  SAL: I don't trust anyone else to do this.
MARIA: Are you girls gonna talk all day, or are we driving?
  SAL: God-damn it woman! Did I tell you you could speak?

MAFIOSO: Hey Toni! Come sta?

TRIAD1: Come on! Hurry up!
TRIAD2: Okay...
TRIAD1: Let's go!

h. Driving Mr. Leone
 SAL: Well?
TONI: Well what?
 SAL: Don't play dumb with me, kid.
 SAL: I was playing dumb when your mother was still turning tricks.
TONI: What's your problem?
 SAL: I know what you've been saying about me.
 SAL: You think I'm an idiot? Huh?
 SAL: Is that what you think?
TONI: Boss, I ain't been saying nothin' about you.
 SAL: What the fuck. I don't know what's happening to me.
 SAL: Jesus.
 SAL: I'm getting paranoid Toni. Really fucking paranoid.
 SAL: Just because I think everyone hates me doesn't mean they don't, know what
      I mean?
 SAL: Someone is out to get me. It's that fucking mayor!
 SAL: He's gonna blame me for all the shit that's been going down in the
 SAL: All of it! Not just the crap that I did but all of it.
 SAL: Come on, let's go take care of this.

 SAL: Head towards the ferry terminal.
TONI: But the strike's still on... there won't be any ferries.
 SAL: Just drive. i'll do the thinking.

 SAL: Jesus Christ! The cops are crawing all over this place! Get us the fuck
      out of here!
TONI: Where're going?
 SAL: Callahan Bridge!
TONI: Callahan Bridge ain't finished yet!
 SAL: We're both gonna be finished if you don't drive! Now move it!

 SAL: We're gonna need everything this piece of shit's got! Punch it Toni!

 SAL: Toni, you did it! I knew I could trust you!
TONI: I could kiss you if you'd shaved!
 SAL: Now listen, I know a place where we can both lie low for a while.
 SAL: Come on let's go.

RADIO: The industrial action that had cut off Portland from the rest of the city
       has finally come to an end.
RADIO: Or has it?
RADIO: Although all the Subway and Ferry routes are now officially open,
RADIO: militant workers are continuing with their blockade in parts of the city.
RADIO: The Elevator Bridge connecting Stainton Island and Shoreside Vale has
       been shut down.
RADIO: The strikers refuse to believe assurances made by city officials over the
       future of the ferries.

SAL: Yeah. This is the place.
SAL: I'm gonna take a look around. See what's what.
SAL: I might see you here later.

7) Salvatore Leone (Staunton Island)

a. A Walk in the Park
      TONI: Yeah, it's Toni
SAL(PHONE): That bastard mayor is fucking with me.
SAL(PHONE): I don't take that shit!
      TONI: Relax. I'll take him out of the equation.
SAL(PHONE): You're a good boy, Toni.
SAL(PHONE): That fat fuck should be taking his daily run in the park.
SAL(PHONE): Make sure he's out of breath. Permanently!
SAL(PHONE): Oh yeah, get his phone!
SAL(PHONE): We can see who he's been talking to...

b. Making Toni
SAL(LETTER): A few guys will be calling you later.
SAL(LETTER): Make sure you're around when they arrive.
SAL(LETTER): Ciao, Salvatore.

MICKEY: Hey Toni?
MICKEY: Get in, c'mon we're going for a ride.
MICKEY: C'mon, get in, you're driving.
  TONI: Mickey, what, eerr, what's up?
MICKEY: C'mon Cipriani, what, you think I'm here to whack you?

MICKEY: Salvatore's just down there...
MICKEY: Madonn' mia, what are you waiting for?

 SAL: Toni, my boy,
 SAL: that's the day you're being made!
TONI: Oh, Salvatore. Mr. Leone.
 SAL: Momma has been waiting for this day.

 SAL: Hey Toni thanks, I'll be in touch.

c. Caught in the Act
 SAL: Toni, hop in!
TONI: Where we going?
 SAL: We're going to have a little chat with the mayor's assistant about Franco

MAYOR'S ASSISTANT: Hey, get off my boat!
             TONI: You're coming with me.
MAYOR'S ASSISTANT: You can't do this!
              SAL: Hurry it up, the secret service will be watching!

SAL: Toni, look out, gun men on those rocks!

SAL: On the left, Toni, left!

SAL: Gunmen up ahead!

SAL: Watch the right, Toni!

SAL: Gunmen on that jetty!

SAL: Holy shit, secret service coming in by helicopter!

              SAL: The mayor wouldn't take a shit without Franco's say so!
MAYOR'S ASSISTANT: Nobody owned the mayor!
MAYOR'S ASSISTANT: Aargh! Wait, wait, you're right!
MAYOR'S ASSISTANT: It's those Sicilians... they pushed Franco into it.
              SAL: The Sicilians? Why?
MAYOR'S ASSISTANT: They own Franco and they want a war between the Liberty
MAYOR'S ASSISTANT: When the dust settles they're coming to take over.

SAL: Toni, I'll call you later.
SAL: Right now, I'm gonna flush this turd into the bay!

d. Search and Rescue
TONI: Yeah?
 SAL: Thank God you picked up!
TONI: What's up, Sal?
 SAL: I went spying on the Forellis in Fort Staunton when all hell broke loose!
 SAL: The Sindaccos have gone war with the Forellis,
 SAL: and I'm stuck here in the middle of a hit!
TONI: I'll be right there.
 SAL: Bring my limo, it's bullet proof. We're gonna need it!

 SAL: Toni, let's get outta here!
 SAL: Get me back to the limo!

 SAL: OK, I got a place in Newport. Take me there!

 SAL: Hey Toni thanks, I'll be in touch.

e. Taking the Peace
TONI: Hey!
 SAL: Toni, it's me, I got something for you -
 SAL: You gonna love it, it should be fun.
TONI: What do you want done, Sal?
 SAL: There's a van nearby.
 SAL: Gimme a call when you find it.

TONI: Ok Sal, I'm in the van.
 SAL: Good. We've messed around with Paulie Sindacco's car.
TONI: So what do you want me to do?
 SAL: Paulie's going to a meet with the Forellis -
 SAL: he's trying to broker a truce.
 SAL: Use the gear in the van to take control of Paulie's car.
 SAL: and mess up the meet.

PAULIE: What the- ?

PAULIE: Hey, what's happening here?

PAULIE: Oh god, help!

PAULIE: Get out of the way!

PAULIE: This car's trying to kill me!

f. Shoot the Messenger
TONI: Hello.
 SAL: Toni, some wiseguy's found out that the Sicilian Mob are behind the
      Forelli-Sindacco feud.
 SAL: He's headed over to meet Franco Forelli right now.
 SAL: It works very much to our advantage that Franco knows nothing,
 SAL: and this war keeps on going.
 SAL: Take that blabbermouth out.
TONI: You got it, Sal.

8) Donald Love (Staunton Island)

a. The Morgue Party Candidate
DONALD: 2-2-3, 3-2-3, 4-2-3, 5,2,3-...
DONALD: Antonio! How wonderful to see you!
  TONI: What's going on?
DONALD: We're having a party, dear boy, a party.
DONALD: Yes, a morgue party!
DONALD: The first of the season!
  TONI: Woah, woah, woah, woah...
  TONI: What the fuck you talking about, a morgue party?
DONALD: We're going to have quite a night tonight.
DONALD: But first, we need to go and pick up the guests...
DONALD: Come, before our guests get bored to death.
DONALD: No pun intended!
DONALD: 'Cuz they're dead, you know...
DONALD: Our guest of honor is taking a little trip to the pathology labs.
DONALD: Let's not keep him waiting.

b. Steering the Vote
  TONI: How's the campaign?
DONALD: It's down to the wire annd every last vote's gonna count!
DONALD: O'Donovan's campaigners are working those marginal seats hard.
DONALD: Well we've got our own bandwagon, so get out there and spread the word!

c. Cam-Pain
DONALD: Antonio! Que pasa, amigo?
  TONI: You do know I'm Italian, don't you, Don, not Spanish.
DONALD: Of course, how silly of me - I just love all the romance languages.
DONALD: My God, this is good.
DONALD: It tastes just like chicken, but some how, more, err, sentient.
DONALD: You want some?
  TONI: I already ate, thanks.
DONALD: Too bad. It's fantastic.
DONALD: I have some more delicacies about to be served...
DONALD: the liberals have a field day, of course,
DONALD: but how little they know of life's real pleasures!
DONALD: Sophistication and democracy have always been such uneasy badfellows.
  TONI: Listen, Don, we need to win this election.
  TONI: Okay, we need to make sure that there's no skeletons in the closet,
  TONI: if you know what I mean...
DONALD: Right.
  TONI: What I mean is...
  TONI: how do we take care of this O'Donovan guy who is covering for...
  TONI: standing up for the Forelli's?
DONALD: This guy has a lot of people canvassing for him,
DONALD: all kinds of deluded 'people' people, if you know what I mean.
DONALD: I think we have to have their faith in democracy shaken, if you
        understand me.
  TONI: What you mean is that I have to beat the crap out of them?
DONALD: Oh, your passion, Antonio it's it's... magnificent.
DONALD: It's so um... Wagnerian! You know?! Arriverdici, amigo.
DONALD: Humphries, bring out the offal!

d. Friggin' the Riggin'
DONALD: Antonio, good to see you!
DONALD: Now, I'm no Democrat, but even I draw the line at vote rigging.
DONALD: Did you know the Forellis own a silent share in a company making the
        new voting machines?
  TONI: That's bad, right?
DONALD: Well, we certainly can't trust them.
DONALD: No, it's best if they all have a MAJOR malfunction, if you catch my

e. Love & Bullets
DONALD: How I hate publicity, but it's all part of the game, right?
  TONI: 'Fraid so.
DONALD: The Forellis are going to take me out, aren't they?
  TONI: Don't worry, I'm going to be riding shotgun.

DONALD: Oh well, here goes everything.

DONALD: Shit! This is ridiculous!
  TONI: Don't panic, I'll deal with these assholes!
DONALD: There's a rifle in the trunk!

DONALD: There's another hitman after us!

DONALD: I can't fight an election as a virtual recluse.
  TONI: We'll have to think about using different tactics.

f. Counterfeit Count
DONALD: Bad news Toni!
  TONI: What?
DONALD: The exit polls are neck and neck.
DONALD: Time for plan B.
DONALD: We steal some of the uncounted votes, and replace them with some of our
  TONI: What was that you said about vote rigging?
DONALD: Oh, shut up!

e. Love on the Rocks
                [PHONE CALL]
DONALD(PHONE): Toni, you gotta help me!
DONALD(PHONE): O'Donovan's got evidence linking me to Salvatore, we're sunk!
         TONI: Calm down, evidence goes missing every day.
         TONI: Not to mention judges, witnesses, jurors...
DONALD(PHONE): I'd hoped you'd see it that way.
DONALD(PHONE): One of my men has been following the guy with the evidence.
DONALD(PHONE): He'll meet you under the overpass in Newport.

MAN: Ah, Toni.
MAN: The evidence is in that van up ahead.
MAN: You'll have to fight your way in.
MAN: Get the van back to DL's.
MAN: Good luck!

  TONI: Hey Don - I took care of that mess for you.
  TONI: Everything should be cool now.
DONALD: Really.
  TONI: You got no more links to organized crime.
  TONI: You're whiter than white. You could be the pople.
DONALD: The Pope! watch this.
    TV: (Although no links can be proved between Love)
    TV: (and Liberty City's origanized crime,)
    TV: (it seems his friendship with modbsters including Toni Cipriani,)
    TV: (have counted heavily against his voters' eyes.)
    TV: (The past few hours have seen his popularity plummet.)
    TV: (He is deemed, it seems, unfit for office...)
DONALD: Unfit! Because of you...
DONALD: Yeah. And it's all your fault.
  TONI: My fault?
DONALD: Oh yeah.
  TONI: My fault?
DONALD: I can't beleve the sacrifices I've made for this town,
DONALD: and do you know what my weakness ha been the entire time...?
DONALD: Humility! And now I'm ruined.
DONALD: BANKRUPT! $2O million in the hole.
DONALD: Gone... bankrupt... done... Arriverdici! BANKRUPT!

9) Leon McAffrey

a. Sayonara Sindaccos
LEON: So you're the pain in the neck, huh?
TONI: Excuse me?
LEON: God all kinds of important people very pissed off at you.
LEON: Leon McAffrey, LCPD.
TONI: I don't know what you're talking about.
TONI: I'm in the restaurant business.
LEON: Whatever you say tough guy.
LEON: You greaseballs wanna put holes in each other, I don't give a shit.
LEON: All I care about is my cut.
TONI: I love a man of principle.
LEON: Well me too. I go to all their memorial services in fast cars with hot
LEON: My cut! Where is it?
TONI: Up your ass, buddy. Don't make me laugh.
TONI: You keep fucking with me, I'll put you, your friends, your friend's
      families, your whole fucking home town under the sword.
LEON: Relax. Go get laid or something.
LEON: This is business - a partnership - equals.
LEON: I keep the law off your back - the feds, Rico -
LEON: and you keep me in the shit that I like.
TONI: Well how do I know I ain't about to be shaken down
TONI: by every dirty cop from here to Vice City?
LEON: I'm gonna help you take over this town.
LEON: In return I want some cash and a few favors.
LEON: Now c'mon, Toni, take a drive with me...
LEON: we're gonna meet your old friends, the Sindaccos.

LEON: Okay, I'll take the wheel, you start blasting!
LEON: Adapt and survive, Cipriani. Adapt and Survive.

LEON: Behind us Toni, behind us!

LEON: Eyes front, Toni!

LEON: On the right, Toni, the right!

LEON: Shit, this is getting too high profile.
LEON: I gotta make myself scarce, see you around Toni.

b. The Whole 9 Yardies
LEON: You took your time, Toni.
TONI: You say jump, I say screw you.
LEON: Cute. Now listen.
LEON: The Yardies have their greedy eyes on Forelli turf in Newport.
LEON: Get over there and lure the Forelli soldiers down to the hospital in
LEON: The Yardies will be waiting for them.
TONI: What's in this for you?
LEON: I owe them. Catch you later.

YARDIE: Yeah. C'mon, let's take it to 'em!

c. Crazy '69'
LEON: I don't know what I did wrong in my past life to deserve you.
LEON: Ray, you're 40 years old, and you have no idea what's really going on.
LEON: I don't know how you've gotten this far.
LEON: I don't know how somebody hasn't put a bullet in your mother Theresa head
 RAY: Hey watch your mouth, Leon.
 RAY: I can't believe we're having this fucking conversation.
LEON: What, are you gonna go run to mommy?
LEON: Are you gonna jump on daddy's knee?
LEON: Ask for a wet kiss?
LEON: Hey Toni!
 RAY: Freeze, asshole.
LEON: WOAH! Woah! Woah! Easy! Meet my new partner. Mr. Hip!
LEON: He's gonna make sure I do everything by the book!
LEON: Toni Cipriani, Ray Machowski.
LEON: He's with us. Hey we're gonna go fight organised crime now.
LEON: You run along to the precinct, fill out a report.
LEON: You're a good kid... Let's go, Toni.
 RAY: You piece of shit, Leon.

d. Night of the Livid Dreads
LEON: Cipriani, we must stop meeting like this.
TONI: Fine by me.
LEON: C'mon, lighten up a little.
TONI: What you go for me, McAffrey?
LEON: Those Yardie boys are having a little trouble holding their newly
      acquired turf in Newport.
LEON: Seems now the Sindaccos want it back.

YARDIE1: Me boy Rudyard got himsel' capped!
YARDIE1: I'll get the ambulance, you go help my boys!

YARDIE2: Let's get out of here!

YARDIE3: Here comes the ambulance!
YARDIE3: Thanks, Mr. Cipriani, we owe you one!

e. Munitions Dump
LEON: What, no flowers?
TONI: I didn't know it was your funeral.
LEON: You're a regular comedian, Toni, real funny guy.
LEON: The Forellis are getting serious
LEON: They're running arms and taking a cut of the merchandise themselves -
LEON: tooling up for trouble.
LEON: They're moving the guns to Fort Staunton in trucks.
LEON: It's been a gas.
TONI: Likewise.

10) Church Confessional

a. L.C. Confidential
      TONI: Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned...
FATHER NED: Shit, the Devil's hit pay dirt with you, Antonio.
FATHER NED: Now either you can go off and say Hail Marys, or you can do the
            Lord's dirty work.
FATHER NED: As the second option's more my bag...
FATHER NED: Some poor sinner confessed to fabricating a report on doping our
            country's finest athletes.
FATHER NED: If you were to stop him giving this to the FBI, innocent careers
            would be saved.
      TONI: Consider it done, Father.

INFORMANT: You're early.
INFORMANT: Hey, I don't know you, where's John-O?
     TONI: John-O? He couldn't make it.
INFORMANT: Hey, that's John-O!
     TONI: Gimme that!
INFORMANT: Screw this!

b. The Passion of the Heist
      TONI: Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned...
FATHER NED: Holy crap Toni, what have you done now?
      TONI: Whoa! Language, Father.
FATHER NED: Oh yeah, Hail Mary full of whatever.
FATHER NED: A wayward soul has confessed to fencing diamonds.
FATHER NED: Help this pilgrim on the path to redemption, take the loot and I'll
            see the diamonds are returned...

c. Karmageddon
      TONI: Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned...
FATHER NED: Toni, my son, compared to the degenerates in this town, you're a
FATHER NED: The cars pump the Devil's bum gas into our children's lungs! They
            are defiling Eden!
FATHER NED: Go and show these sinners the error of their ways!

d. False Idols
      TONI: Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned again.
FATHER NED: And you shall be redeemed once more, my son.
FATHER NED: The cult of celebrity has gone too far!
FATHER NED: What kind of whore gives a radio interview instead of giving a
            hardworking newspaper journalist an exclusive?
FATHER NED: Destroy these false idols!

11) Salvatore Leone (Shoreside Vale)

a. Rough Justice
 COP: Here's your lawyer, Mr. Leone.
 SAL: I know who the hell he is, pal...
 SAL: Come on, gimme a break here.
 SAL: Go on, kid, run along, and say hello to your mother for me, capiche?
 COP: Alright... You got five minutes.
 SAL: Listen, uh, Lionel, you're looking good.
 SAL: Look at me!
 SAL: A fine member of the community, and suddenly I'm banged up.
 SAL: It really challenges my philanthropic nature!
TONI: Of course, Mr. Leone.
TONI: We're doing everything we can to get you out of here and uh...
TONI: back to helping your community as soon as possible.
 SAL: Of course.
 SAL: I hope we can sue someone for this outrage.
 SAL: Those cunts the Sindaccos, or those cocksuckers, the Forellis - who was
 SAL: Who ratted me out?
 SAL: Let's hit 'em both hard.
 SAL: Way I see it, they both could use a good beating for this outrage.
 SAL: Motherfuckers.
TONI: It will be my pleasure.
 SAL: Thank you - Toni - you really mean a lot to me, - you know that.
 SAL: Listen, you might need some back up.
 SAL: Use the hoods. Okay?
TONI: Whatever you think is best, Mr. Leone.
 SAL: Alright... Get outta here... Lionel.

HOOD: Ok, Cuz. Let's smoke this town.

HOOD: It's time for the Hoods to rise up and do the right thing!

HOOD: Come on! Let's smoke 'em!

HOOD: Damn! That was intense, man!

HOOD: Damn right! You don't wanna go nowhere without me.

b. Dead Reckoning
TONI: Hey Sal! It's me... Toni.
 SAL: Toni! It's good to hear your voice kid.
 SAL: These chumps won't let me see nobody!
 SAL: Listen, I got plenty of business to take care of.
 SAL: Take Paulie Sindacco. His family's finished in this town.
 SAL: But he thinks he can just run away, like he's got no dues to pay.
 SAL: I'm in jail because of that bastard!
 SAL: Make that son of a bitch pay.

PAULIE: You idiots! That's Toni Cipriani! Get him!
PAULIE: You ain't got a chance of catching me, asshead!

TONI: Ladies and gentlemen, Paulie Sindacco has left the building!

c. Shogun Showdown
TONI: Sal? How's it going?
 SAL: Fuckin' bene! Just great!
 SAL: Number one, the new mayor is fixing it so I don't get bail.
 SAL: Number two, we're stuck fighting the God-damn Triads and Diablos.
 SAL: Number three, I hear that the fuckin' Yakuza are gonna make a play to
      take over the city.
 SAL: Other than that, everything is just peachy!
 SAL: After all these years of mob control, we've finally flushed it all down
      the crapper!
TONI: Boss, I can take care of everything.
 SAL: The Yakuza have got a load of weapons in Aspatria.
 SAL: Nothing can stop them now!
TONI: We'll see about that.


TONI: Holy Shit! I don't fucking believe it!

12) Toshiko Kasen

a. More Deadly than the Male
TOSHIKO: So this is the big touch gangster?
TOSHIKO: You don't look so tough.
   TONI: ... Thanks.
TOSHIKO: Do you know what it is to live without love, Mr Toni?
TOSHIKO: It is to live with hate...
   TONI: I'll take your word for it.
TOSHIKO: It is my earnest wish to destroy a man, Mr. Cipriani.
TOSHIKO: Destroy... not merely killl
TOSHIKO: I want him, and his whole organization, weakened and humiliated before
         he dies.
TOSHIKO: I want him to suffer.
   TONI: Okay.
TOSHIKO: This man I want you to destroy is my husband: Kazuki Kasen.
TOSHIKO: Don't worry.
TOSHIKO: For your services you will be handsomely rewarded.
TOSHIKO: Well what if I say no?
TOSHIKO: You won't... because while I merely want him dead, you need him dead.
TOSHIKO: In truth, you have already dealt him a severe blow, Mr. Cipriani.
TOSHIKO: However, he is taking delivery of more munitions today.
TOSHIKO: I want you to steal those weapons from right under his ignorant nose.

PHIL: That's some damn fine artillery you've got there boy!
PHIL: You know, I do so much business at the docks I should've set myself up
PHIL: not half way down the God-damn island!
PHIL: Well, it's been a blast!

b. Cash Clash
TOSHIKO: Mr. Toni.
TOSHIKO: My husband was greatly infuriated by your actions.
TOSHIKO: You have made him, and his men,
TOSHIKO: look like the fools they are.
   TONI: I aim to please. What's next princess?
TOSHIKO: My husband is moving a great quantity of cash from his Casino.
TOSHIKO: I want you to destroy all of that money.
   TONI: I can find a damn good use for that money, sweetheart.
TOSHIKO: I want his money burning in the street for all to see.
   TONI: Okay... okay... when's this move gonna happen?
TOSHIKO: It has already begun.
TOSHIKO: They're leaving the casino right now, so please, you don't have much

c. A Date with Death
   TONI: Anyone home?
TOSHIKO: Mr. Toni? A moment please...
TOSHIKO: My husband if furious.
TOSHIKO: He wonders how you come to know when and where to attack so precisely.
   TONI: Unless he's a fool, he'll work it out soon enough.
TOSHIKO: Perhaps, we should help him. His men gossip llike old women.
TOSHIKO: Let's give them something to talk about.
   TONI: Where are we going?
TOSHIKO: The opera.
   TONI: The opera? Me? You kidding?
TOSHIKO: Don't be ridiculous Mr. Toni. Everyone loves the opera.
TOSHIKO: If you bring my car around we can collect your tuxedo.
TOSHIKO: We don't have long, the show starts very soon.

TOSHIKO: Do you think I am a bad person, Mr. Toni?
   TONI: Well, princess, I ain't exactly a saint.
TOSHIKO: No... A saint wouldn't be much use to me.

TOSHIKO: My husband is samurai, Mr. Toni.
TOSHIKO: He is very strong... but very, very bad.
TOSHIKO: He only married me to become waka-gashira in Liberty City.
TOSHIKO: He has never loved me... he prefers the company of his men.
TOSHIKO: Do you understand?
   TONI: When he finds out what you're doing, you know he's going to kill you.
TOSHIKO: I do not care for life or death anymore, only freedom.
   TONI: What a relaxing world view.

YAKUZA1: Italian blood don't mix with no Japo blood.
YAKUZA2: But it'll mix just fine on the sidewalk!

TOSHIKO: Get us out of here, Toni!

TOSHIKO: Save me, Toni!

d. Cash in Kazuki's Chips
   TONI: Hello?
TOSHIKO: I'm bathing, Toni san.
TOSHIKO: We have little time left.
TOSHIKO: My husband knows now who is truly behind his losses.
TOSHIKO: He's coming to kill me... and you.
   TONI: Well, I ain't waiting here for him. Where is he?
TOSHIKO: He's in Belleville, gathering his men.
TOSHIKO: But soon, he will come here.
   TONI: Sayonara, sweetheart.
TOSHIKO: My prayers go with you, Toni san. Good luck.

KAZUKI: My men dishonor me...
KAZUKI: but it is fitting that I kill you myself.
KAZUKI: You two! Leave us!
KAZUKI: I am going to enjoy thrusting my sword into you.
KAZUKI: Yeah, I heard that about you.

KAZUKI: Kill him, you assholes!

   TONI: So, uh... Toshiko. It's over now.
TOSHIKO: Yes, yes, I knew that... hello, Mister Toni.
   TONI: Hey. So, uuuh... you won.
   TONI: You got what you wanted. Everything worked out great.
TOSHIKO: Great, yes, great. Really great.
   TONI: So... its payment time sweetheart...
TOSHIKO: We're both of us fools and killers, Mister Toni.
   TONI: I guess we are.
TOSHIKO: The world takes such a terrible toll on your spirit wouldn't you
         agree, Mister Toni?
   TONI: I guess.
   TONI: But you're free now. I mean you can go to Costa Rica, or Aruba, or
   TONI: Start over new, that's what you always wanted.
TOSHIKO: I don't think I'm ready for a beach holiday, Mister Toni.
TOSHIKO: I've lost everything, and done so deliberately.
TOSHIKO: I've been granted everything I asked for.
TOSHIKO: Now, I just ask to be truly free.
TOSHIKO: Good bye, Toni-san.

13) Donald Love (Shoreside Vale)

a. Panlantic Land Grab
DONALD: I know what you're thinking, Toni - how the mighty have fallen,
DONALD: but this is just a temporary blip, my man.
  TONI: Okay.
DONALD: Oh, don't be all touchy.
DONALD: I know I said some nasty things about this being your fault and all,
DONALD: but hubris is a nasty, nasty badfellow - almost as nasty as termites.
DONALD: And trust me I've tried both recently.
DONALD: Wait, you and me... are on our way back!
  TONI: I never went away...
DONALD: We're in this together, amigo.
  TONI: No, we're not.
DONALD: Please!
  TONI: Please... please - forget about it, buddy.
  TONI: 'It's all your fault.' Pathetic.
DONALD: 10%?
  TONI: 10% of what? This? Oh you're too kind.
DONALD: Not of this... of something really big.
DONALD: Come - I'll tell you about it on the drive.
DONALD: I hope you have your car. Mine's in the, errm shop... Yeah!

DONALD: Oh yes. This is one of my better plans, for sure...
DONALD: I never knew I had it in me...
DONALD: Even Avery would be proud.

DONALD: Toni, my ex-mentor, Avery Carrington, is flying into town today...
DONALD: It's come to my attention that he's working for the Panlantic
DONALD: They'll do anything to get prime real estate.
DONALD: We HAVE to get hold of his plans to acquire land.

DONALD: Hmmm, Panlantic must have employed the Cartel to protect Avery.

DONALD: There he is!
DONALD: Kill him Toni!
DONALD: I need those plans!

DONALD: This is going to make me a fortune...

b. Stop the Press
DONALD: Toni! At last!
DONALD: A reporter witnessed us killing Avery!
DONALD: He has photos! Oh, God! I'm finished!
  TONI: Calm down will you! Where is this reporter?
DONALD: Oh, Toni, you're wonderful!
DONALD: Apparently he's been working on an undercover job at the church on
        Staunton Island.
DONALD: Get the photos and bury him!

TONI: You got some photos of me. Where are they?
 NED: I don't know what you're talking about!

TONI: Where are the God-damn photos?
 NED: Don't hurt me!
TONI: Where are they?
 NED: Please, no!
TONI: Come on you little pussy! Give 'em up!
 NED: Okay! Okay!
 NED: I'll get you the photos!
 NED: ...I stashed the film in my lock-up!

 NED: Here they are. Take them. I didn't get them processed yet.
TONI: You piece of shit!

c. Morgue Party Resurrection
DONALD: I'm back!
DONALD: Back from the dead, Toni! Risen anew, like a phoenix from the ashes.
DONALD: Like Lazarus... yes... Lazarus Love!
DONALD: Ah, I'm going to be rich again!
DONALD: Panlantic are going to pay me a fortune to see this deal through!
DONALD: We did it Toni!
  TONI: Whatever.
DONALD: It's time for a little soiree with a very exclusive guest list.
DONALD: Come on!

DONALD: We're going to need some transportation, Toni. We don't have much time.

DONALD: Toni, I've been dying for this party.
DONALD: Just like my guests.

DONALD: Avery.
DONALD: Oh, Avery! How you've aged since we last met.
DONALD: used to feed me such pearls of wisdom.
DONALD: ...and soon I shall dine again!
DONALD: ...My God! He's wearing a wig!

DONALD: Be sure to get Ned Burner's corpse here before security discover us.
        They'll be interring him anytime now.
DONALD: Ah, Ned Burner, ace reporter.
DONALD: Ah, Ned. I'm going to give you exclusive rights to
DONALD: cover my wonderful party.
DONALD: I wouldn't invite just anyone to my little bash you know.
DONALD: Invitations are to die for.

DONALD: Be sure to get Avery's old gamey remains here before security discovers
DONALD: His autopsy is scheduled anytime now.

d. No Money, Mo' Problems
 TONI: Donald sent me to pick up some... er... hardware.
8BALL: A'ight.
8BALL: I got what you boys need. But it's gonna cost.
8BALL: Don said you'd pay me up front and he'd 'reimburse' you later.
 TONI: ...I bet he did.
 TONI: Now, where's the hardware?
8BALL: Shit son! Hardware like this takes time to put together.
8BALL: I'll be in touch.

e. Bringing the House Down
        8BALL: Look man, this truck is loaded. Know what I'm saying? Drive
                [8-BALL'S CELL PHONE RINGS]
        8BALL: Yeah? It's all good.
        8BALL: Sure. I'll put him on.
                [8-BALL HANDS CELL PHONE TO TONI]
DONALD(PHONE): Toni, we're one little job away from being fabulously rich.
       DONALD: We've scoured plans of Fort Staunton. Its weakest points are
               along the old subway that runs underneath the area.
  TONI(PHONE): Great Don! All I gotta do is dodge a hundred wacko italians.
       DONALD: Just head along the Porter Tinnel and you'll find you way in
               just fine.

TONI: The Forellis? What are they doing here?

WORKER1: Get the hell out of here!

WORKER2: Hey! You're not supposed to be down here!

f. Love on the Run
DONALD: Caterpillars... cater... cater... cater... cat... No that's no good.
DONALD: Ohmmmmmmmm. Dammit.
DONALD: It's just so... Oh, shit if I just had something cold to cuddle up to,
DONALD: It'd be so easy...
  TONI: What's going on, D?
DONALD: Antonio! Oh, I'm just seeking spiritual enlightenment,
DONALD: if you must ask, but not today.
DONALD: Maybe tomorrow.
  TONI: Your message seemed kinda anxious.
DONALD: Anxious? I'm meditating. Anxious, moi?
DONALD: I'm at one with the universe. That's just impossible.
DONALD: Oh, shit, that's right.
DONALD: Um, there is a load of Colombians coming up here
DONALD: to potentially kill me if I don't keep my mouth shut and pay them all
  TONI: Oh! I guess that would explain all the Colombians hovering around
DONALD: Oh shit! Please, Antonio, you have to get me out of here!
DONALD: I don't want to... Please! I don't wanna die! I don't...
  TONI: So much for bring at one with the universe, huh?
DONALD: Thank you, Toni! I'll make it... I'll make it worth your while, I

DONALD: Oh, my God! Toni! Do something!

  TONI: D? Come on! Let's go!
DONALD: Oh... my... GARDEN!
DONALD: Look what you've done to my beautiful garden!
  TONI: D... we can do some landscaping or escaping. It's up to you.
DONALD: Get me to the airport!

DONALD: Let's get to the airport.

DONALD: We made it!
DONALD: Take me to Avery's jet. He and Ned are still onboard, so I won't be
        travelling alone.

DONALD: I do so hate goodbyes my friend.
DONALD: Let's just say 'adieu'.
  TONI: D... it's been an education.

14) Salvatore Leone (Finale Missions)

a. The Shoreside Redemption
TONI: Sal? You there?
 SAL: Anthony! I'm getting out!
 SAL: My arraignment's today!
TONI: Great!
 SAL: Yeah, but I got this notion that the Sicilians don't want me to make it
      to court.
 SAL: With me here, who's stopping them from taking over?
TONI: Hey, they'd have to get by me first Sal.
 SAL: Yeah, Toni. Whatever.
 SAL: Just make sure I get my day in court!
 SAL: Hey, the guards are coming now... I'll see you round the front.

TONI: Holy Shit!

SAL: It's good to be a free man again.
SAL: But listen. I'm gonna head up to the house and get out of these stinking
     rags, okay?
SAL: I'll meet you up there.

b. The Sicilian Gambit
 SAL: No, I'll talk to you later...
      [SAL HANGS UP]
 SAL: Hey Toni!
TONI: Sal! You're back where you belong.
 SAL: Hey we're both back. You and me!
 SAL: We did it, huh?
TONI: You know it.
 SAL: We cleaned up with the Forellis.
 SAL: The Sindaccos we sent into the fucking sea.
 SAL: Now, I got the Sicilians on the phone, wanting peace.
 SAL: We all want peace! But my peace, not their fucking peace.
 SAL: I'm the big man now.
 SAL: No chump from the old country is gonna tell me what to do.
TONI: You did? Was that wise?
 SAL: Hey, I'm the boss now. ME!
 SAL: Now let's go see the mayor about getting my charges dropped...

SAL: Step on it, Toni.
SAL: If I'm right, then the Sicilians will be going after the mayor.
SAL: We gotta get to him before they do.

SAL: This don't look good.

SAL: God-damnit! They're here already!
SAL: Burn 'em down Toni!
SAL: I'm gonna go get the mayor!

SAL: Lousy bastards have taken him already!

SAL: There they are!

SAL: Come on Toni! This way!


SAL: I'll drive! You keep us covered!

SAL: Where did those bastards come from?

SAL: Behind us Toni!

SAL: They think they can hide at the lighthouse!

SAL: How many bastards are on this rock?
SAL: Shoot one bastard, and another one bites you on the ass!

    SAL: Torini... It figures.
    SAL: Give him up!
    SAL: The mayor is mine!
    SAL: THIS CITY is mine!
MASHIMO: Salvatore...
MASHIMO: Sicily never wanted questo schifo di citta.
MASHIMO: But when tribute dried up, what could we do...?
MASHIMO: It was nothing personal.
    SAL: Nothing personal?
    SAL: After what you've put me through!
    SAL: I'm gonna tear your fuckin' heart out!

  SAL: Hey! Mr. Mayor!
  SAL: We just saved you from that bunch of crazed Sicilians.
MAYOR: Yeah, thanks.
  SAL: And that means...
MAYOR: Uh... The city is grateful to you?
 TONI: Try again.
  SAL: That you work for me, right?
MAYOR: Oh yeah, that I work for you.
  SAL: Good.
  SAL: Now don't call us. We'll call you.
  SAL: Get outta here, prick.
MAYOR: Thank you, Mr. Leone.
  SAL: Toni! We did it!
  SAL: We run things now. You and me.
  SAL: We're a team, huh?
  SAL: Now I just need you to do one small thing for me;
  SAL: I got some problems that I've been dealing with...

  SAL: Hey, Uncle! How you doin', ah? You look good.
UNCLE: Ahhhh, Salvatore. All we really wanted was clarity.
  SAL: Yes, uncle. I appreciate that.
UNCLE: So, we are at peace now - you and the old country?
  SAL: Of course. Me and all my people.
UNCLE: Good. Very good.
  SAL: Sneaky little bastard.
  SAL: I wouldn't trust him a fucking inch.
UNCLE: Every dog has his day...
 TONI: Yeah, but we did it.
  SAL: Yeah, we cleaned up. You did good Toni, you did real good.
  SAL: I always thought you was a good kid. You saved my ass a few times.
  SAL: And I appreciate that kind of loyalty.
 TONI: Thank you.
  SAL: A good worker. I like that. Respectful.
  SAL: So I got you that half million I promised you.
 TONI: Half? Woah! I thought you, uh, said a couple.
  SAL: I said one million dollars.
  SAL: But what? You can put a price on friendship?
  SAL: The kind of frienship you and me have?
  SAL: Shame on you! Come here.
  SAL: You're a good kid, but shame on you.


VI.  Street Races Script

This is the script for the car and bike street races.

1) Car Races

a. Low-Rider Rumble
RACER: If you wanna prove your ride ain't no bitch, get down the start line of
       the next street race.

b. Deimos Dash
RACER: Hey, words out, there's gonna be a street race. Get your wheel over to
       the start line.

c. Wi-Cheetah Run
RACER: Ain't no car faster. Ain't no driver sharper.
RACER: I'll see you at the next street race... in my rear view mirror.

2) Bike Races

a. Red Light Racing
RACER: Think you can out ride me? I own your ass!
RACER: Bring your bike to the starting grid and let's get it on!

b. Torrington TT
RACER: If you think you can take me in a race, let your wheels do the talking!
RACER: I'll see you at the start line.

c. Gangsta GP
RACER: It's this simple. On two wheel, I can't be beat. Let's take it to the


VII.  Phone Calls Script

The script of all the non in-mission phone calls. The phone calls are in the
order of their in-game receival.

    Phone call from: Ma Cipriani
After completion of: "Smash and Grab"
MA: Tony? It's your ma!
MA: How long have you been back in town?
MA: How come you don't come and see me?
MA: What's wrong with you?
MA: I'm your mother for her holiness sake! Come on.

     Phone call from: Maria
After completion of: "Ho Selecta!"
MARIA: Hello fido! It's Maria.
MARIA: Salvatore gave me your number... well I found it in his address book.
       But whatever!
MARIA: You're his new doggy, right? Well, I want to go walkies.
MARIA: I'll expect you over soon.

    Phone call from: Salvatore
After completion of: "Booby Prize"
SAL: Anthony? It's Salvatore.
SAL: Have you seen Maria?
SAL: I swear I can only find that bitch when she needs money!
SAL: Come on over and see me soon. I got some work for you.

    Phone call from: JD
After completion of: "Contra-Banned"
JD: Hey Toni! It's JD.
JD: I hear it all over: you're headed for big things.
JD: I just hope you don't go forgetting your old pal JD when get to the top.
JD: Hey, drop by some time okay buddy.

    Phone call from: Vincenzo
After completion of: "The Made Man"
VINNIE: Hey, it's me, Vincenzo.
  TONI: What the hell do you want?
  TONI: Someone to pick up your laundry? Or wipe your ass?
VINNIE: Don't be like that. Listen, I feel bad about everything...
VINNIE: Come on. Drop by my place, I've got something for you.
  TONI: Yeah? What's that? A pair of concrete boots?
  TONI: A nice slice of arsenic pie?
  TONI: Forget about it.
VINNIE: No. Come on, Toni, I feel bad about what went down.
VINNIE: Salvatore heard about it, and told me we both need to grow up.
VINNIE: This is me growing up. I'm sorry. Come on.

    Phone call from: Salvatore
After completion of: "The Portland Chainsaw Masquerade"
 SAL: Toni? It's Salvatore.
 SAL: We've got big trouble! Get your ass over here pronto!

    Phone call from: Salvatore
After completion of: "Driving Mr. Leone"
TONI: Yep?
 SAL: Toni? It's Sal.
 SAL: I need to talk. But I don't trust these cell phones for shit.
 SAL: I'll call you on the public phone outside the Court House.

    Phone call from: Salvatore
After completion of: "Making Toni"
TONI: Yeah?
 SAL: It's Sal.
 SAL: Listen, the Forellis had Mayor Hole in their pocket.
 SAL: But, we're gonna take control of City Hall.
 SAL: I know a big shot businessman who's do anything to get into office.
 SAL: He's a complete asshole, so he's qualified for the position.
 SAL: I told him you'd make sure he wins the election... for us!

    Phone call from: Ma Cipriani
After completion of: "Making Toni"
TONI: Toni Cipriani here.
  MA: Toni? It's your Ma.
  MA: I just heard, you've been Made!
  MA: ...I never doubted you for a second, son!
  MA: ...and seeing as you finally proven yourself,
  MA: I'm calling off that contract I put on you.
  MA: Let's just put it behind us.
  MA: After all, I only did it with your best interests at heart.
  MA: Ah, what kind of son makes his Ma go to such lengths?

    Phone call from: Salvatore
After completion of: "The Morgue Party Candidate"
TONI: Hello
 SAL: Toni. It's me, Sal.
 SAL: I can smell those Forellis behind all this shit I'm in.
 SAL: What I wanna know is: Why'd they get the mayor to light a fire under my
 SAL: Listen, meet me down at the jetty.
 SAL: We're gonna do a little fact finding.

    Phone call from: Salvatore
After completion of: "Caught in the Act"
SAL: Toni, Sal.
SAL: Head over to the public phone booth in Torrington.
SAL: I need to talk.
SAL: On the way, I want you to see an associate of mine in Aspatria.
SAL: He's gonna help us pile the pressure on the Sindaccos and Forellis.

    Phone call from: Salvatore
After completion of: "Search and Rescue"
TONI: Yep?
 SAL: Toni? It's Sal.
 SAL: Get to the public phone booth at the Liberty Campus.
 SAL: This is important.

    Phone call from: Salvatore
After completion of: "Taking the Peace"
TONI: Yeah?
 SAL: Toni? Sal here.
 SAL: Get over to Belleville and find the public phone booth.
 SAL: I got something urgent needs doing.

    Phone call from: McAffrey
After completion of: "Night of the Livid Dreads"
TONI: Yeah?
LEON: Cipriani? It's me, McAffrey.
LEON: I've got some news that Salvatore might appreciate.
LEON: Come see me up at the usual place.

    Phone call from: McAffrey
After completion of: "Munitions Dump"
TONI: Yeah?
LEON: Hey tough guy. It's McAffrey.
LEON: The feds have cought up with your boss, Salvatore.
LEON: And they're real pissed.
LEON: He's gonna take the heat for every crime in this city.
LEON: So, we never met. Understood?

    Phone call from: Donald
After completion of: "False Idols"
DONALD: Toni. It's Donald.
DONALD: I have rather a pressing matter that requires your... particular
DONALD: Please call at my office as soon as you can.

    Phone call from: Salvatore
After completion of: "Love on the Rocks"
 SAL: Toni...?
TONI: Sal? Is that you?
 SAL: Ay, shut up! I'm speaking to my lawyer here!
 SAL: Toni? ...I mean er ...Lionel?
 SAL: Listen. They got me. Can you believe it?
 SAL: I'm up shit creek without a paddle.
 SAL: So get your ass over here, there's stuff I need you to take care of.
TONI: ...Lionel?

    Phone call from: Donald
After completion of: "Dead Reckoning"
  TONI: Yeah?
DONALD: Toni? It's Donald.
DONALD: No wait, don't hang up!
DONALD: I've got a very exciting proposition for you...
DONALD: please call round at my current... um... residence, and I'll fill you
DONALD: Toni...?
DONALD: Please, Toni, have a heart. I'm calling you with my last di...

    Phone call from: Toshiko
After completion of: "Shogun Showdown"
TOSHIKO: Is this Mr. Cipriani?
   TONI: Who's this? How'd you get my number?
TOSHIKO: If one puts their mind to it, one can achieve much.
TOSHIKO: I shouldn't have to tell you that, Mr. Cipriani.
TOSHIKO: I need your help in a delicate matter.
TOSHIKO: For this help you will be richly rewarded.
TOSHIKO: I will explain when you arrive at my apartment in Torrington.

    Phone call from: Donald
After completion of: "Morgue Party Resurrection"
DONALD: Toni? Donald here.
DONALD: If the Panlantic deal is to come to fruition we're going to need to,
DONALD: how can I put this delicately...
DONALD: 'clear' a small section of land in Fort Staunton.
  TONI: When you say 'we', you mean 'me', right?
DONALD: Toni, you see through me.
DONALD: God and see 8-Ball. I'm sure he can provide us with the necessary

    Phone call from: 8-Ball
After completion of: "No Money, Mo' Problems"
8BALL: My man? This is 8-Ball.
8BALL: Your hardware is ready to ship out.

    Phone call from: Salvatore
After completion of: "Love on the Run"
 SAL: Toni! This is Sal!
 SAL: You did it! I can hardly believe it!
 SAL: We're nearly home free kid!
 SAL: Come and see me. We just got a few loose ends to tie up.


VIII.  Special Thanks

- Me, for reasons easy to understand

- My family for the support, while I was typing day & night

- You fellow gamers, for viewing this FAQ

- The game itself for providing the 'gamer's joy'

- Rockstar, for making such a revolutionary game

- Lazlow for inspiration


IX.  Credits

- Jedi_Master_Conor (Conor Farne Sang), for suggesting me to add the actions at
  certain missions, for the wrong spelling of Massimo's name about Father Ned's
  reference at the Church Confessional missions, plus major and extensive help.

- James Naron for the correction of an action on the mission "Stop the Press".