__
____ __________ _____ ____/ /
/ __ `/ ___/ __ `/ __ \/ __ /
/ /_/ / / / /_/ / / / / /_/ /
\__, /_/ _\__,_/_/ /_/\__,_/
/____// /_/ /_ ___ / __/ /_
/ __/ __ \/ _ \/ /_/ __/
/ /_/ / / / __/ __/ /_
\__/_/ /_/\___/_/_ \__/
____ ___ __/ /_____
/ __ `/ / / / __/ __ \
/ /_/ / /_/ / /_/ /_/ /
\__,_/\__,_/\__/\____/
_ __
\ /o _ _ / o_|_ (__|_ _ ._o _ _
\/ |(_(/_ \_| |_\/ __)|_(_)| |(/__>
/
V ROCK SCRIPT
� Steven McCormack 2007-2009
This guide may be used for personal, private use only and cannot be reproduced
in any shape or form without my permission. If your website is not on the below
list but you wish to host this guide on your site then please contact me at
[email protected] before you do so. No one can use this guide for money-
making purposes under any circumstances. If anyone has any comments, questions,
suggestions, critiques or anything else to do with the game or this guide then
they can also contact me at that address.
Authorised websites list: www.gamefaqs.com
www.neoseeker.com
www.supercheats.com
All trademarks and copyrights contained in this guide are owned by their
respective holders.
______________
|==============|
|=VERSION INFO=|
|==============|
��������������
Version 1.0 18th April 2007
Submitted the first complete version. Just finished the Segments & Commercials
section to finish the guide, but I expect to update the guide soon if any
mistakes are discovered. I also need to standardise the lyrics.
Version 2.0 17th June 2007
After a hectic couple of months I finally got round to finishing off the guide.
All lyrics are in a standard format throughout, and the segments and
commercials in between the songs are as accurate as I can get.
Version 3.0 6th October 2007
Made a few minor changes to the guide, and included ASCII art for the title.
I also made some corrections to the script (thanks to Josh) but it's still not
perfect. This will probably be the final update.
Version 4.0 24th March 2008
Again, just minor changes. Most importantly I fixed a typo that caused a
problem between the table of contents and the actual section. Everything should
be working fine now.
Version 5.0 8th March 2009
Minor rewording of the Introduction and a few other alterations.
The most recent version can always be found at www.gamefaqs.com
___________________
|===================|
|=TABLE OF CONTENTS=|
|===================|
�������������������
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
To quickly jump to a particular section, press CTRL+F, type in the name of the
section in capitals, check the Match Case box, and click Find.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
1. Introduction
2. Songs
2.1. "Holy Diver" - Dio
2.2. "Queen Of The Reich" - Queensryche
2.3. "Lick It Up" - Kiss
2.4. "Breaking The Chains" - Dokken
2.5. "All I'm Gonna Take" - Autograph
2.6. "Balls To The Wall" - Accept
2.7. "Rock You Like A Hurricane" - Scorpions
2.8. "Long Stick Goes Boom" - Krokus
2.9. "Stranglehold" - Ted Nugent
2.10. "Round And Round" - Ratt
2.11. "Electric Eye" - Judas Priest
2.12. "Looks That Kill" - Motley Crue
2.13. "Metal Health (Bang Your Head)" - Quiet Riot
3. Segments & Commercials
_________________
|=================|
|=1. INTRODUCTION=|
|=================|
�����������������
Hey, welcome to the V Rock Script for GTA: Vice City Stories! Here you'll find
the lyrics to the songs found on the V Rock station, as well as everything
else you hear there. The station is hosted by Couzin Ed and co-hosted by
Lazlow. As you probably know, Lazlow succeeds Ed as the DJ two years later in
the V Rock made popular in the original Vice City released five years ago. The
station is loaded with great 80s rock, metal and hair metal songs featuring
bands such as Kiss, Dio, Scorpions and Judas Priest. The lack of thrash
is disappointing but it's a great playlist nonetheless. Moving on, let's get on
with the guide, and let's rock!
__________
|==========|
|=2. SONGS=|
|==========|
����������
_________________________
|=========================|
|=2.1. "HOLY DIVER" - DIO=|
|=========================|
�������������������������
Song: Holy Diver
Artist: Dio
Length: 5:52
From The Album: "Holy Diver" released in 1983
Mmmmmmm...
Yeah, yeah
Holy Diver
You've been down too long in the midnight sea
Oh what's becoming of me
Ride the tiger
You can see his stripes but you know he's clean
Oh don't you see what I mean
Gotta get away
Holy Diver
Yeah
Shiny diamonds
Like the eyes of a cat in the black and blue
Something is coming for you
Race for the morning
You can hide in the sun 'til you see the light
Oh we will pray it's all right
Gotta get away, get away
Between the velvet lies
There's a truth that's hard as steel, yeah
The vision never dies
Life's a never ending wheel
Say...
Holy Diver
You're the star of the masquerade
No need to look so afraid
Jump, jump, jump on the tiger
You can feel his heart but you know he's mean
Some light can never be seen, yeah
*guitar solo*
Holy Diver
You've been down too long in the midnight sea
Oh what's becoming of me
No! No!
Ride the tiger
You can see his stripes but you know he's clean
Oh don't you see what I mean
Gotta get away, get away
Gotta get away, get away
Yeah
Holy Diver
_________________________________________
|=========================================|
|=2.2. "QUEEN OF THE REICH" - QUEENSRYCHE=|
|=========================================|
�����������������������������������������
Song: Queen Of The Reich
Artist: Queensryche
Length: 4:20
From The Album: "Queensryche" released in 1983
In the dead of night
She'll come and take you away
Searing beams of light and thunder
Over blackened plains
She will find her way
Flying high through the night
She will hide your fate
As she takes your soul from under
And the blinding light of the castle fades
There is no escape
It's the ending of your precious life
Your soul slipped away
It belongs to the Queen Of The Reich
The Queen Of The Reich
Yeah she's coming for you
You're fading away
Your life cast astray
A victim the beast shall obtain
The light will not shine
For you'll die tonight at her shrine
And black is the last thing you'll see
*guitar solo*
*screams* Over and over
Dreams of dying fill your head
It's the sign of the cross
That you'll find ahead
No-one will answer
The light is fading away
Captive souls are screaming out in pain
There is no escape
It's the ending of your precious life
Your soul slipped away
It belongs to the Queen Of The Reich
You're fading away, no, no, no
The Queen Of The Reich
You're slipping away, yeah
The Queen Of The Reich
__________________________
|==========================|
|=2.3. "LICK IT UP" - KISS=|
|==========================|
��������������������������
Song: Lick It Up
Artist: Kiss
Length: 3:59
From The Album: "Lick It Up" released in 1983
Don't wanna wait till you know me better
Let's just be glad for the time together
Life's such a treat and it's time you taste it
There ain't a reason on earth to waste it
It ain't a crime to be good to yourself
Lick it up, lick it up, ohhhhhh... it's only right now
Lick it up, lick it up, ohhhhhh... ooh yeah
Lick it up, lick it up, ohhhhhh... come on, come on
Lick it up, lick it up, ohhhhhh...
Uh!
Don't need to wait for an invitation
You gotta live like you're on vacation
There's something sweet you can't buy with money - lick it up, lick it up (Woo)
It's all you need, so believe me honey
It ain't a crime to be good to yourelf
Lick it up, lick it up, ohhhhhh... it's only right now
Lick it up, lick it up, ohhhhhh... ooh yeah
Lick it up, lick it up, ohhhhhh... come on, come on
Lick it up, lick it up, ohhhhhh...
Come on - it's only right now, it's only right now
Ooh yeah (ooh yeah) ooh yeah (ooh yeah), yeah yeah!
*guitar solo*
Lick it up, lick it up, ohhhhhh... it's only right now
Lick it up, lick it up, ohhhhhh... ooh yeah
Lick it up, lick it up, ohhhhhh... come on, come on
Lick it up, lick it up, ohhhhhh...
_____________________________________
|=====================================|
|=2.4. "BREAKING THE CHAINS" - DOKKEN=|
|=====================================|
�������������������������������������
Song: Breaking The Chains
Artist: Dokken
Length: 3:50
From The Album: "Breaking The Chains" released in 1983
Sit there thinkin'
In your room
You feel the pressure
You're going crazy too
The walls around you
Closing in
You need a change
Claustrophobic
Feeling scared
You need somebody
But no one seems to care
A one way ticket
A change of pace
You've had enough
Cant take no more
Breaking the chains around you
Nobody else can bind you
Take a good look around you
Now... you're... breaking the chains
Got this letter
Came today
From my baby
Who left me yesterday
Said she loves me
She'll come back
She wants to try
I won't let her
She'll be upset
I know it's better
Than somethin I'll regret
She's been dishonest
And insincere
I lost my mind
Twenty times a year
Breaking the chains around me
Nobody else can bind me
Take a good look around me
Now... I'm... breaking the chains
Oh oh oh...
Oh oh oh... (ascends)
Oh oh oh...
Oh oh oh... (ascends)
*guitar solo*
Woke up today
I'm alone
I look around
But baby you were gone
But I don't mind
And I don't worry
I will survive
I'm alone
Now that you're gone
Dont need nobody
To hold or tie me down!
I broke the chains
So let me be
Ive gotta be freeeeeeee!
Breaking the chains around me
Nobody else can bind me
Take a good look around me
Now... I'm... breaking the chains
Breaking the chains around me
Nobody else can bind me
Take a good look around me
Now... I'm... breaking the chains
_______________________________________
|=======================================|
|=2.5. "ALL I'M GONNA TAKE" - AUTOGRAPH=|
|=======================================|
���������������������������������������
Song: All I'm Gonna Take
Artist: Autograph
Length: 5:41
From The Album: "Sign In Please" released in 1984
Did you ever wonder
If you were gonna break
When you finally hear the power
You've had all you're gonna take
I know when I give in
There ain't nothin' left to say
Something clicks inside me
And it's graduation day
Everybody learns (everybody learns)
The point of no return
My circuit braid is breaking
My sanity's at stake
I know I've taken all I'm gonna take
Frustrated bodies shakin'
Feel like I'm gonna break
I know I've taken all I'm gonna take
Big boss man
In his collar and his tie
Thinks he's got the upper hand
When he turns us loose at night
It can make a man so desperate
When there ain't no money left
But a pistol's always welcome
Like American Express
Well everybody learns (everybody learns)
The point of no return
My circuit braid is breaking
My sanity's at stake
I know I've taken all I'm gonna take
Frustrated bodies shakin'
Feel like I'm gonna break
I know I've taken all I'm gonna taaaaake...
*guitar solo*
___________________________________
|===================================|
|=2.6. "BALLS TO THE WALL" - ACCEPT=|
|===================================|
�����������������������������������
Song: Balls To The Wall
Artist: Accept
Length: 5:50
From The Album: "Balls To The Wall" released in 1983
Too many slaves in this world
Die by torture and pain
Too many people do not see
They're killing themselves - going insane
Too many people do not know
Bondage is over the human race
They believe slaves always lose
And this fear keeps them down
Watch the damned (God bless ya)
They're gonna break their chains (Hey)
No, you can't stop them (God bless ya)
They're coming to get you
And then you'll get your
Balls to the wall, man
Balls to the wall
You'll get your balls to the wall, man
Balls to the wall - balls to the wall
You may screw their brains
You may sacrifice them, too
You may mortify their flesh
You may rape them all
One day the tortured stand up
And revolt against the evil
They make you drink your blood
And tear yourself to pieces
You better watch the damned (God bless ya)
Theyre gonna break their chains (Hey)
No, you can't stop them (God bless ya)
They're coming to get you
And then you'll get your
Balls to the wall, man
Balls to the wall
You'll get your balls to the wall, man
Balls to the wall - balls to the wall
Here we go
*guitar solo*
______________________________________________
|==============================================|
|=2.7. "ROCK YOU LIKE A HURRICANE" - SCORPIONS=|
|==============================================|
����������������������������������������������
Song: Rock You Like A Hurricane
Artist: The Scorpions
Length: 4:11
From The Album: "Love At First Sting" released in 1984
It's early morning, the sun comes out
Last night was shaking, and pretty loud
My cat is purring, and scratches my skin
So what is wrong with another sin?
The bitch is hungry, she needs to tell
So give her inches, and feed her well
More days to come, new places to go
I've got to leave, it's time for a show
Here I am, rock you like a hurricane
Here I am, rock you like a hurricane
My body is burning, it starts to shout
Desire is coming, it breaks out loud
Lust is in cages, till storm breaks loose
Just have to make it, with someone I choose
The night is calling, I have to go
The wolf is hungry, he runs to show
He's licking his lips, he's ready to win
On the hunt tonight, for love at first sting
Here I am, rock you like a hurricane
Here I am, rock you like a hurricane
Here I am, rock you like a hurricane
Here I am, rock you like a hurricane
Rock you like a hurricane
*guitar solo*
It's early morning, the sun comes out
Last night was shaking, and pretty loud
My cat is purring, and scratches my skin
So what is wrong with another sin?
The night is calling, I have to go
The wolf is hungry, he runs to show
He's licking his lips, he's ready to win
On the hunt tonight, for love at first sting
Here I am, rock you like a hurricane
Here I am, rock you like a hurricane
Here I am, rock you like a hurricane
Here I am, rock you like a hurricane
Here I am
______________________________________
|======================================|
|=2.8. "LONG STICK GOES BOOM" - KROKUS=|
|======================================|
��������������������������������������
Song: Long Stick Goes Boom
Artist: Krokus
Length: 5:10
From The Album: "One Vice At A Time" released in 1982
Y'all know about 69
Burnin' bones and bedside time
Once again we meet tonight
Get that touch of a magical night
We're gonna hit it
We're gonna kick it
We're gonna break out through the ice
You give us fever
You give us sweat
You're gonna make us live it twice
Tonight long stick goes boom
Tonight long stick goes boom
Tonight long stick goes boom
Tonight long stick goes boom...
The time is right for a ride tonight
To be with you I'd risk a fight
My stick is tight, my blood is hot
Let's do it right here on the spot
We're gonna hit it
We're gonna kick it
We're gonna break out through the ice
You give us fever
You give us sweat
You're gonna make us live it twice
Tonight long stick goes boom
Tonight long stick goes boom
Tonight long stick goes boom
Tonight long stick goes boom...
__________________________________
|==================================|
|=2.9. "STRANGLEHOLD" - TED NUGENT=|
|==================================|
����������������������������������
Song: Stranglehold
Artist: Ted Nugent
Length: 8:22
From The Album: "Ted Nugent" released in 1975
Here I come again now, baby
Like a dog in heat
Tell it's me by the clamor now, baby
I like to tear up the street
Now I been smokin' for so long
Ya know I'm here to stay
I got you in a stranglehold, baby
You best get outta the way
Road I cruise is a bitch now baby
But no, you can't turn me round
And if a house gets in my way, baby
Ya know I'm tearing it down
You ran the night that you left me
You put me in my place
Got you in a stranglehold, baby
Then I crushed your face
*guitar solo*
________________________________
|================================|
|=2.10. "ROUND AND ROUND" - RATT=|
|================================|
��������������������������������
Song: Round And Round
Artist: Ratt
Length: 4:25
From The Album: "Out Of The Cellar" released in 1984
Out on the streets, that's where we'll meet
You make the night, I always cross the line
Tightened our belts, abuse ourselves
Get in our way, we'll put you on your shelf
Another day, some other way
We're gonna go, but then we'll see you again
I've had enough, we've had enough
Cold in vain, she said:
I knew right from the beginning
That you would end up winning
I knew right from the start
You'd put an arrow through my heart
Round and round
With love we'll find a way just give it time
Round and round
What comes around goes around
I'll tell you why
Dig
Lookin' at you, lookin' at me
The way you move, you know it's easy to see
The neon light's on me tonight
I've got a way, we're gonna prove it tonight
Like Romeo to Juliet
Time and time, I'm gonna make you mine
I've had enough, we've had enough
It's all the same, she said:
I knew right from the beginning
That you would end up winning
I knew right from the start
You'd put an arrow through my heart
Round and round
With love we'll find a way just give it time
Round and round
What comes around goes around
I'll tell you why
Yeah!
*guitar solo*
_____________________________________
|=====================================|
|=2.11. "ELECTRIC EYE" - JUDAS PRIEST=|
|=====================================|
�������������������������������������
Song: Electric Eye
Artist: Judas Priest
Length: 3:39
From The Album: "Screaming For Vengeance" released in 1982
Up here in space
I'm looking down on you
My lasers trace
Everything you do
You think your private lives think nothing of the kind
There is no true escape I'm watching all the time
I'm made of metal
My circuits gleam
I am perpetual, I keep the country clean
I'm elected electric spy
I'm protected electric eye
Always in focus
You can't feel my stare
I zoom into you
You don't know I'm there
I take a pride in probing all your secret moves
My tearless retina takes pictures that can prove
I'm made of metal
My circuits gleam
I am perpetual, I keep the country clean
I'm elected electric spy
I'm protected electric eye
*guitar solo*
Electric eye, in the sky
Feel my stare, always there
There's nothing you can do about it
Develop and expose
I feed upon your every thought
And so my power grows
I'm made of metal
My circuits gleam
I am perpetual, I keep the country clean
I'm elected electric spy
I'm protected electric eye
I'm elected electric spy
I'm protected electric eye
I am electrical, protected, detective, electric eye
_______________________________________
|=======================================|
|=2.12. "LOOKS THAT KILL" - MOTLEY CRUE=|
|=======================================|
���������������������������������������
Song: Looks That Kill
Artist: Motley Crue
Length: 4:07
From The Album: "Shout At The Devil" released in 1983
Now listen up
She's razor sharp
If she don't get her way
She'll slice you apart
Now she's a cool, cool black
Who moves like a cat
If you don't get her game
Well you might not make it back
She's got the looks that kill
That kill
She's got the looks that kill
That kill
She's got the looks
She's got looks that kill
She's got looks that kill
Now she's bullet-proof
Keeps her motor clean
And believe me, you
She's a number thirteen
The church strikes midnight
She's lookin' louder and louder
She's gonna turn on your juice, boy
Well then she'll turn on the power
She's got the looks that kill
That kill
She's got the looks that kill
That kill
She's got looks that kill
She's got looks that kill
*guitar solo*
Hey
Now listen up
She's razor sharp
If she don't get her way
She'll slice you apart
Now she's a cool, cool black
Who moves like a cat
If you don't get her game
You might not make it back
____________________________________________________
|====================================================|
|=2.13. "METAL HEALTH (BANG YOUR HEAD)" - QUIET RIOT=|
|====================================================|
����������������������������������������������������
Song: Metal Health (Bang Your Head)
Artist: Quiet Riot
Length: 5:17
From The Album: "Metal Health" released in 1983
Well I'm an axegrinder, piledriver
Mother says that I never never mind her
Got no brains, I'm insane
Teacher says that I'm one big pain
I got a laser, 6-streamin' razor
I got a mouth like an alligator
I want it louder, more power
I'm gonna rock ya till it strikes the hour
Bang your head! Metal Health'll drive you mad
Band your head! Metal Health'll drive you mad
Well I'm remonstrated, outdated
I really want to be overrated
I'm a finder and I'm a keeper
I'm not a loser and I ain't no weeper
I got the voice to make the noise
Won't ever let up
Hope it annoys you
Join the pack
Fill the crack
Well now you're here
There's no way back
Bang your head! Metal Health'll drive you mad
Bang your head! Metal Health'll drive you mad
Metal Health'll cure your crazy
Metal Health'll cure your mad
Metal Health is what we all need
It's what you have to have
*guitar solo*
___________________________
|===========================|
|=3. SEGMENTS & COMMERCIALS=|
|===========================|
���������������������������
AmmuNation Announcer: Hey kids, Saturday mornings, skip the cartoons and head
to some real life Saturday Safety Fun at AmmuNation with
Derek the Dodo.
Derek: Hey kids!
Kids: YEAH!
Derek: You see kids, guns aren't the problem. You know what the problem is?
Anti-gun zealots.
Kids: Yeah, lousy scum.
Derek: Real men don't own a gun. They own five or more! Make sure your daddy's
a real man.
Girl: Hi Derek! I love you!
Derek: Oh that's sweet. I love you too. What's your question?
Girl: Um, when I find a gun at home, did you say to look down the barrel, and
pull the trigger?
Derek: Sure honey, give it a go.
Girl: Like this?
(gunshot)
Kids + Derek: OH!
Derek: You see? Girls are stupid. To heck if a gun is loaded, you should always
point it away from you. At an immigrant, or a banker.
Kids: YEAH!
AmmuNation Announcer: AmmuNation and Derek the Dodo have been proudly bringing
gun safety to your community for over 30 years.
AmmuNation! Protecting your kids' rights.
Kids: AMMUNATION!
Ed: That's some great sponsorship we've got there. AmmuNation! Man, those guys
make me feel safe.
Lazlow: Yeah, it's nice to know everyone's armed to the teeth.
Ed: Exactly! I've got a six shooter on each hip and a twelve shooter between my
legs. God, I love my country right now! Football! Beer! Freedom!
???: Reagan!
Ed: V Rock!
V Rock Announcer: Other stations are for maneaters, we only eat one thing:
ludes. From the top of the vulture building, this is V Rock.
Ed: Hey all you hot chicks, are you listening? Couzin Ed with the intern:
Lazlow.
Lazlow: I'm not the intern, I'm the co-host almost! Besides, I smoke
cigarettes.
Ed: Yeah probably Athina 200s. That's what I want phones to do, light it up.
So more of these free tickets to give away to the 666 collar. You're on the
home of the vulture!
V Rock Announcer: V Rock!
"Holy Diver" by Dio plays.
Ed: You know Couzin Ed always dives for the ho. Holy Diver.
V Rock Announcer: V Rock!
Ed: This is the home of rock.
Lazlow: The home?
Ed: Who asked you to talk? This is V Rock!
V Rock Announcer: Where the guitar is god, and the vulture is king. Bow down to
V Rock.
Ed: The air team here at V Rock. (Gotta party!) V Rock got the explosive sounds
to blow your ass off.
Lazlow: Rock 'n' Roll!
Ed: Learn it, know it, love it, live it. Couzin Ed here, I'm the cousin you can
sleep with and tell your mom. Hell bring her too, I've probably had her
anyway.
V Rock Announcer: This is V Rock!
Ed: Let's turn it up to 12! Bitch!
"Queen Of The Reich" by Queensryche plays.
Ed: Metal, up your ass!
V Rock Announcer: V Rock!
Ed: That's right it's V Rock. V Rock! And the vulture. Vulture up your ass!
Yeah! We're all about the rock being non-stop. Fewer commercials mean more
rock music. We'll be right back.
North Woods is just like any other community, full of families, like the
Dawsons, with their 3 children and their dog.
(barks)
(laughing)
But as darkness falls, it's best to put away the hockey masks and kitchen
knives... Twilight Knife. Somewhere in these woods there's a private sensual
secret place couples go, to die.
Rod: Hey Cindy! Wanna go make out in a graveyard?
Cindy: OK Rod. Maybe I'll let you see my bazoobas.
But they lose more than their innocence.
Cindy: Rod? Is that you?
Rod: Ahhhhh! My penis!
(evil laughing)
Cindy: Rod?
???: Been necking again... Ha, you're going to join him, you harlot.
Twilight Knife. A new dimension in terror. Don't shower alone. Don't turn out
the lights. Twilight Knife. There'll be tears before bedtime.
V Rock Announcer: Screw that pussy rock. This is V Rock!
"Lick It Up" by Kiss plays.
Ed: I love Kiss. Priest rules, Kiss rules, Motley Crue rules! Trippin' and
drinking whisky here on V Rock! We've got some fans who are gonna be
backstage at the Love Fist show. Hal! We gave out some tickets last month
and the winner died in a drunk-driving accident. Yeah!
V Rock Announcer: V Rock, the home of the vulture. Music is dead, and we're
eating its innards. V Rock!
"Breaking The Chains" by Dokken plays.
Ed: Breaking The Chains! I keep Lazlow tied to a chain in the corner so he
won't ruin my show, or grab my ass.
V Rock Announcer: The vulture is back and he's carpet bombing Vice City! V Rock
keeps passing out the prizes with the Vulture Prize Patrol.
Where's there's carry-on, and we'll start feasting. Tell Vice
City you're a rebel. (Rebel!) All you need to do is pick up
your V Rock window sticker, place it on your car window and
you'll not only let everyone know what kind of music you
like, but you'll set the record straight on your sexuality
once and for all. Plus if the Prize Patrol stops you'll win a
V Rock muscle T-shirt and a complete hair-care set from Sissy
Springs. We're patrolling the streets in the V Rock van,
looking for underage girls and members of the V Rock army,
the vulture needs your flesh! So pick up your V Rock window
sticker at any Burger Shot, Complete The Look store, or Synth
'n' Son locations, or we'll peck your eyes out.
Lazlow: Hey there you're on V Rock with Lazlow and Couzin Ed! We're gonna...
uh...
Ed: You are doing that ALL wrong.
Lazlow: What!?
Ed: You sound about as much fun as a chainsaw anima, and trust me, that's not
a lotta fun. You've gotta sound like you're the party organiser, not the
funeral director.
Lazlow: What are you talking about!? Gimme a break, I'm just trying to be
myself.
Ed: No wonder we're suffering... This is V Rock, shithead, not Emotion!
V Rock Announcer: V Rock!
Ed: Doing our bit for the community by keeping this freak off the streets.
Let's get our gender in order! Let's play some rock!
"All I'm Gonna Take" by Autograph plays.
Ed: Turn up the radio, it's Autograph. All I'm Gonna Take. Couzin Ed here with
Lazlow, the intern, who's paddling his pink canoe 'till it leaks, it's
V Rock!
Lazlow: I've never even seen a pink canoe.
Ed: You are part wimp part pussy. That's a woose and that's you my friend! You
know how some guys grow their hair long and they look like rockstars, and
others they just look like ugly girls? Little Lazzy here's looking pretty
damn feminine, aren't ya honey?
V Rock Announcer: V Rock! Whether it's 2 for Tuesday, 3 for Thursday, or
Shitface Saturday, put a fist in the air and listen to
V Rock.
Woman: I'm underage, big daddy.
Ed: This is America. It's a free country, it's a capitalist country, it's a
great country! Let's celebrate with these messages from our important
sponsors.
Barman: Howdy stranger, can I get you a drink?
Man: Gimme a Double Lag Lager.
(gasps)
Barman: You think you can handle it stranger?
Double Lag Lager. The beer in the shotgun can, made for the way you like to
drink beer: fast.
Woman: You must not be from around these parts stranger. Now watch. I'm the
only girl in town that can take both barrels.
(glugs)
Barman: Whee, donkey! Look at her go!
Man: My god, that's a classy broad.
Barman: I'll say. She uses the car park for dates. Hardly ever the pinball
table.
Double Lag Lager. Double barreled for double the good times. Pull the tab and
shoot it down your throat. When you're partying with a shotgun, who knows where
the evening will go. For a man that doesn't have time for sissy drinking.
Double Lag Lager. Get both barrels.
Ed: Here's a song that'll make a man outta anyone. Even Lazarus.
Lazlow: Well I'm going to broadcasting school next year. Then I'm gonna come
back to Vice City and be a V Rock DJ.
Ed: Rock radio isn't a formula. It's about rebellion and freedom, Lazarus.
V Rock Announcer: V Rock!
"Balls To The Wall" by Accept plays.
Ed: Lazlow! Get over there and put your balls to the wall. Couzin Ed here-
Lazlow: And Lazlow!
Ed: Shut up! Giving you the chance to make a move on a pair of tickets, your
chance in a Dirty Thirty. That's 30 minutes people. Stay crazy, just like
me. V Rock!
Man: Hey Lazlow! If you don't shut up you'll be the first intern I've ever
fired!
V Rock Announcer: Grow your hair, put on a spandex catsuit, and learn to pout.
Now, you're a man.
Man: Hey, how does my pocket look?
Woman: It's tiny.
V Rock Announcer: V Rock!
Woman: I can't believe that thing got me pregnant...
Ed: Yeah! The rock makes it feel so good.
Lazlow: I'm touching myself!
Ed: Speaking of, I hurt my pinky and I mastered my butterfly knife which is the
pinnacle of reckless living. My face in roast beef!
Lazlow: The pinnacle of reckless living is a butterfly knife?
Ed: Yeah, or in your case, it's probably staying up until 10 on a school night.
Knives are cool! Rock is cool! Couzin Ed is cool! Lazlow sucks! I love
sluts!
Ed: Yeah! Vice City, this is V Rock and The Scorpions, Rock You Like A
Hurricane.
"Rock You Like A Hurricane" by The Scorpions plays.
V Rock Announcer: V Rock!
Ed: You're experiencing radio history! Call your neighbours and tell them to
turn on their radios. The V Rock vulture is in heat, on the nest here at
the top of the V Rock building is gonna be set on FIRE!
Lazlow: Yeah!
Ed: We're gonna pick up some sluts. Hot sluts with guts! Heavy metal concert
and a stretch limo. You wouldn't know what to do with a slut would you
Lazlow?
Lazlow: I've seen plenty of sluts...
Ed: Translation: Virgin. Let's rock it!
"Long Stick Goes Boom" by Krokus plays.
Lazlow: This is V Rock!
Ed: Get away from the microphone Lazlow. V Rock, smokin' cheese and crackers.
Yeah! Don't sign your yearbook, burn it. V Rock, about to tell you a new
one.
Lazlow: You're such a basketcase Ed, get off my case!
Ed: I am a radio masterpiece. You could not do this job EVER Lazlow. Let's
party!
V Rock Announcer: While you're at a car-key party...
Man: Who wants to fuck my wife?
V Rock Announcer: ...We're freebasing. From the top of the vulture building,
this is V Rock!
Ed: Got a stranglehold? Let go or you'll have to bury the evidence cause it
ain't on V Rock, with Ted Nugent aka Terrible Ted, the Axemaster. Let's
keep the rock rockin', on the home of the rockin' party.
V Rock Announcer: V Rock!
"Stranglehold" by Ted Nugent plays.
Ed: Oh I want you to turn up the radio, just a little bit louder. (Louder!)
Did you see the President last night? Reagan man, fuck yeah!
Lazlow: I know you keep telling me to move to Canada, but I'm not into this
whole Reagan thing.
Ed: No, you like a nice soft Liberal to curl up to. Man, that president. Great
performance. A flawless performance. The Soviets didn't applaud, but
they're lucky we don't bomb their godless asses back to the Stone Age!
V Rock Announcer: If you're gonna play a synthesiser, you better not be wearing
makeup.
Man: It's not makeup, it's free expression.
V Rock Announcer: This is V Rock!
Ed: Couzin Ed, the bitch is back! We're gonna give away, I can't even say it.
We're breaking records baby, 50 dollars in cold hard cash. V Rock, making
you rich, not itch. Just call and tell me why you rock the most.
"Round And Round" by Ratt plays.
V Rock Announcer: V Rock! Whether it's 2 for Tuesday, 3 for Thursday, or
Shitface Saturday, put a fist in the air and listen to
V Rock!
Girl: I'm underage, big daddy.
Ed: Let's get telephonic, go to the horn! Who's calling?
Caller: Are you gonna give away some money or not?
Ed: Listen browny hound, have you ever felt up a girl?
Caller: Shut up and play some rock.
Ed: So you think Lazlow's cute? You think he's smokin'?
Caller: I think you suck. What kind of a radio name is Couzin Ed? If you were
my cousin, I wouldn't sleep with you.
Lazlow: Ha! Look at that!
Ed: Shut up you pouty bitch!
V Rock Announcer: This is V Rock!
"Electric Eye" by Judas Priest plays.
Ed: Welcome back to the V Rock lair, which is in the dungeon, or is it a nest!?
I don't know, but there's panties and I smell someone so...
Lazlow: V Rock!
(women laughing)
Ed: We've got some V Rock virgins here in the studio.
Lazlow: Bitches!
Ed: So what do you think of Priest? Yeah wow honey, you smuggling peanuts under
that shirt?
(Lazlow laughs)
Ed: Why don't you show Lazlow you're bazumbas? Oh hello... We're naked in here.
Lazlow, why are you covering your eyes?
AmmuNation Announcer: Hey kids, why spend Saturday watching boring cartoons
about fighting aliens when you could help fight some real
and legal aliens? Head to some Saturday Safety Fun at
AmmuNation with Derek the Dodo.
Kids: YEAH!
Derek: Hi kids, I'm Derek the Dodo. Today I'm gonna teach you all about gun
safety, doesn't that sound fun?
Kids: YEAH!
Derek: Guns can be very dangerous, especially the little people who don't like
holes shot in them, or birds on deserted islands who thought those
sailors only wanted to be friends, but that's another story.
Woman: Derek will teach the kids what to do if you find a gun around the house.
Derek: What do we do first?
Kids: WE PICK IT UP!
Derek: Second?
Kids: CHECK IT'S LOADED!
Derek: Right, cause we don't want any nasty accidents. So look down the barrel,
and...
Kids: PULL THE TRIGGER!
(gun shot)
Kids: OW!
Derek: Yep, that's learning Henry, and you made a mess. Next, carefully follow
up the serial number and conceal it quickly about your person.
Kids: (clapping) YEAH!
AmmuNation Announcer: AmmuNation and Derek the Dodo have been proudly
bringing gun safety to your community for over 30 years.
AmmuNation, protecting your kids' rights.
Kids: AMMUNATION!
Ed: Why are you looking at me like that Lazlow?
"Looks That Kill" by Motley Crue plays.
Ed: This is the home of rock. V Rock!
Lazlow: Yeah, we're rocking so hard it's-
Ed: Shut up! Coming up on a 28 minute free ride. Like getting hit with a
chicken she throws up and forgets to charge you! Couzin Ed has popped the
kickstand! You wanna see Lazlow?
Man: You were the king Bruno. Nobody could touch you.
Bruno: I don't care! I get insurance now when when I drink too much.
This summer, Partial Pictures proudly presents...
Man: Bruno! You used to be a wrecking machine. Nobody could do more push-ups
than you.
Push-up, a movie about one man's battle with gravity.
Son: I don't respect you Dad! You're not strong anymore. That's why I let the
tennis coach take Mom!
And he's got only one way to win back the respect of his son...
Announcer: Welcome to the 15th annual World Wide Push-up Contest, held in
Tokyo, China!
Man 1: For the first time in my life, I'm gonna cry! I'll never beat that big
Russian...
Man 2: Yah, I push-up for the collector.
An individual against the collective system of oppression.
25! Yeah! 26! Go! (Action...) 105! 106! (Adventure...) 312! 313! (Suspense...)
It's a story that will touch your heart...
Woman: I'm here to help you Timmy!
Timmy: You're not my mom, you're just banging him for coke money!
Woman: Fuck off you little brat! In 5 years you'll be a freebasing wreck!
It's Bruno's greatest challenge, to save his honour, his son, and his manhood.
See Push-up The Movie. An American tradition.
Ed: How would you like to be the poor sucker who doesn't have his radio tuned
to V Rock when we send out the Vulture Prize Patrol? And any hot sluts out
there, if you see the V Rock Prize Patrol, honk your horn, pull over
and show 'em what you do for some great prizes.
Lazlow: Sluts!
Ed: I put a V Rock sticker on my girl's ass, before I jump her bone!
Lazlow: Ha, yeah, so send a self-addressed envelope to us here at the station,
we're outside of Vice City in Red Dick Florida, that's where the
transmitter is, and we'll mail you a V Rock sticker man!
Ed: And what's the address Lazlow?
Lazlow: It's V Rock, PO Box 105, Red Dick Florida, 32686. And make sure you
include a self-addressed stamped envelope, cause stamps cost money, and
rock 'n' roll ain't free. Right Ed?
Ed: Onto more V Rock!
V Rock Announcer: This is V Rock!
"Metal Health (Bang Your Head)" by Quiet Riot plays.
Ed: Quiet Riot, Metal Health Bang Your Head.
Lazlow: I've got a battleaxe man!
Ed: You are driving me mad Lazlow! If I can't entertain your brain, I might as
well hang my headphones up right now.
V Rock!
Ed: Fuck you New Wave and go to hell! That's right go to hell, but not the hell
I'm going to, that's the fun hell. You'll go to the crappy hell, yeah! I've
got a vulture, and he'll peck your eyes out!
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END OF GUIDE - THANK YOU FOR READING!
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