+-----+ +-----+ +-+ +-----+ +-+ +-+  +-+ +-+  +-+ +------+
+-+ +-+ | --- | | | | +---+ | | / /  \ \ / /  | / | +----+
  | |   | +---+ | | | |     | |/ /    \ + /   |/  | +----+
  | |   | | \ \ | | | |     | | /\     \ /        +----+ |
  | |   | | | | | | | +---+ | |/\ \    | |        +----+ |     
  +-+   +-+ +-+ +-+ +-----+ +-+  +-+   +-+        +------+
COMPLETE WALKTROUGH FOR THE SECRET OF MONKEY ISLAND



Version 1.00 - By Tricky

+------------------------------------------------------------------------------+
| Index:                                                                       |
+------------------------------------------------------------------------------+
     Introduction to this FAQ and the game ........................... IDX01
     Part 1 - The Three Trials ....................................... IDX02
        - Getting money .............................................. IDXA2
        - Trail 1: Thievery .......................................... IDXB2
        - Trail 2: Sword fighting .................................... IDXC2
        - Trail 3: Treasure Hunting .................................. IDXD2
        - Getting ship and crew ...................................... IDXE2
     Part 2 - The Journey ............................................ IDX03
     Part 3 - Under Monkey Island .................................... IDX04
     Part 4 - Guybrush Kicks Butt .................................... IDX05
     
     Sword Fighting Insults .......................................... IDX06
     
     Copyrights and permissions ...................................... IDX10
     Contacting me ................................................... IDX11


+------------------------------------------------------------------------------+
| Introduction to this FAQ and the game                                | IDX01 |
+------------------------------------------------------------------------------+
Monkey Island is one of the good old adventure games of long lost times. 
If you wonder how to get this game, I cannot help you, I still got my copy from
times this was still in store. I'm sure there are sites you can download it 
from, but since I cannot support software piracy, I cannot give you links.
If you can give me sites on which this game can be bought/downloaded from
WITHOUT VIOLATING COPYRIGHTS mail me, and I'll add those to this FAQ.

Also note that since this game is old you may NOT be able to play it on modern 
machines. You may need an emulator to play it.
One of the best out there is DOSBox.
Download it from: http://www.dosbox.com

I recommand only to use this FAQ when you are stuck, or else this game will be
no challenge at all. If you are stuck look at the index on what you are doing
and look at the IDX code. Open a search window (Ctrl-F in Windows and Linux and
Apple-F in MacOS).

There are a few things you should know though.
- All items you pick up can be dropped anywhere you want. Please note that in 
  most cases you can come back for those items. However there is one point in
  which you need to check before continuing or else the game can NOT be 
  completed.
- There are jewels everywhere across Kyrandia. They appear at random so I cannot
  tell you where to look for those. Only a few specific ones can be found at
  fixed places. You can do well, in collecting those, but since you can only
  carry 10 items, you may want to store them all in one location as long as the
  game allows it. There are only two tasks in which these jewels have value
- This game has a dozen of areas or "rooms" as we call them in adventure 
  programming terms. Each time you get into a new room I start with "-" and the
  name of the room, so you can check if you are in the right room.
  
Well, that's all folks...
Let's get started on this


+------------------------------------------------------------------------------+
| Part 1 - The Three Trials                                            | IDX02 |
+------------------------------------------------------------------------------+
The route I tell you here may not be the shortest, but this way I can take on
all the trials by one.

This part contains 5 tasks of which 3 are the trials the game is all about.
- The first task is to get yourself some money
- After that you have to complete the three trials in random order
- The last task is to get yourself a ship and crew so that you can get to
  Monkey Island.
  
First you get a "history quiz". It's the copy protection, unless you got a 
pirated version you'll have to look up the answer to the question in the stuff
provided by the game, I cannot give you the answers in this FAQ, sorry.

After that you get the titlescreen and a small intro of the game. After that
we can start to play.


********************
IDXA2: Getting Money
********************
The game starts at the docs.
The first thing you'll find is the scumm bar.
- Enter the scumm bar.
- You can talk to the pirates if you want, but that's optional, go to the back
  of the bar.
- If you want you can talk to the important looking pirates to learn about the
  three trials, but that's optional, it does make the story a bit more clear
  though.
- Wait until the door opens and the cook comes out. Wait till he's out of the
  screen then enter the kitchen.
- Pick up the pot under the table 

Now there are more things to do here, but they are part of the other tasks here,
so I'll handle those in their respective parts.
- Leave the kitchen
- Leave the bar

Now you'll get a cutscene in which the ghost pirate LeChuck is discussing your
presence on Melee Islan with his crewman Bob. After the cutscene you can
continue the game. 
- Walk over the docks to the lookout point and leave there for the forests
- You'll get onto the worldmap of Melee Island. 
- Go to the "clearing".

Here you'll find a big circus tent.
- Enter the circus tent.
- Hear the silly discussion of the two men here. When the game allows you to
  say something, chose the option you like, it absolutely doesn't matter as long
  as you say something.
- They'll make you a proposal. Ask them how much they'll pay you. After that
  accept the proposal.
- When they ask for a helmet show them the pot
- After the trick they'll ask you something, what you answer is up to you.

Now they'll pay you your salary. Now you can get started on the three trials.
For all of them you'll need to go to the city to get the stuff you need, so 
head over there.


*************************
IDXB2: Trail 1 - Thievery
*************************
The object of this trial is to steal the Idol Of Many Hands out of the mansion
of Govenor Marley.

- First go to the Scumm Bar and sneak into the kitchen (as explained in the 
  previous part).
- Get the Hunk Of Meat
- If you want you can stew it in the boiling pan, but it's not required to
  finish the game. If you do, don't forget to get the meat out of the stew.
- Leave the kitchen and the scumm bar
- Leave the city and head for the world map

- Head for the "fork"
- Exit north
- Pick up some of the yellow flowers
- Use the petal to poison the meat
- Leave these woods and go back to the city

- Now make your way to the Govenor's mansion
- Throw the "meat with condiment" to the deadly piranha poodles
- Enter the mansion

- Pick up the vase
- Go through the doors on the right

Now we'll have a funny automated part. Wait until all is done.
- Leave the mansion

- Go back to the city and go to jail
- Talk to the prisoner, but since his breath stinks Guybrush doesn't wanna 
  talk to him. Leave jail
- Go to the store
- If the storekeeper isn't here, ring the bell to let him come
- Buy a roll of breath mints
- Go back to jail and give the breath mints to the prisoner
- Ask the prisoner if he got a file. 
- Give the prisoner the gopher repellent and he'll give you a cake
- Leave jail
- Open the cake to obtain the file
- Go back to the mansion

- Jump into the hole in the wall (where the paining used to be).

After the automated part you'll have the Idol you came for. The sheriff will
however catch you. You can use any excuse you want to him. The governor will 
also enter. Say to her whatever you think it's best (all you can say to her
is pretty crappy anyway).

- After the govenor leaves leave the mansion. The sheriff will catch you again
  and throw you into the sea. 
- Pick up the idol and you'll be able to get out.

Unless this was the last trial you completed you'll get another meeting
with the govenor here.

Now this trial is completed. Do the other trials, or continue with the last
sub-part of this section.

*******************************
IDXC2: Trial 2 - Sword Fighting
*******************************
The object of this trial is to beat Carla. A woman who's also known as the 
Swordmaster of Melee Island. So time to start to learn who to fight with a 
sword.

- First go into the Scumm Bar and sneak into the kitchen.
- Open the door to the small pier and a bird will try to pick on the fish
- Use the plank to scare it away. When you do this multiple times you have
  more time to get the fish. Well get the fish and get outta here.
  
- Go to the store
- Pick up the sword from the chests
- Talk to the storekeeper (ring the bell if he's gone) and pay for the sword.
- Leave the store and leave the city

- Go to the house, and halfaway your way will be blocked by a troll.
- Give the fish to the troll and he lets you pass.
- Continue to go to the house.

- Open the door and Captain Smirk will come out.
- Tell him you wanna be the best swordfighter on Melee
  (Or tell him you anna be better than the swordmaster, choice can differ
  by who you all spoke and about what).
- When he says you do not have what it takes, keep insisting that you do
  until he give in.
- Pay the required price and the lesson will start.

Now listen well to what he all tells you. Especially the part about the insults
as insults will be your true weapon in Sword Fighting in this game.
(See the Fighting Insult section for assistance on them).
After Guybrush messes his lesson up you'll be kicked out to train insults.

Now you gotta find pirates on the map and challenge them to fight. You must
at least win three fights before you may even think about challenging the 
Sword Master herself. (When the game allows you to the pirates will say you are
good enough to fight the sword master).
As I said fighting works in insults. A list of all insults in in the Insult
section. Most of all try to learn new insults and responses. You can only use
insults and responses that are already used against you. Learing new insults
is even more important than winning. When you learned enough insults and have
won three battles, let's seek out the Sword Master.

- Go back to the city and visit the store
- If the storekeeper isn't there, ring the bell
- Ask the storekeeper about the Sword Master
- When the storekeeper leaves follow him all the way to the Sword Master's
  hideout.

- Talk to the Sword Master to challenge her to battle. The Sword Master uses
  diffrent insults than the pirates. A list of them is in the Insults section.
  When you win you can leave and you completed another trial.
  
If you got some trials to do get on them, if you got them all go to the docks.

*********************************
IDXD2: Trial 3 - Treasure Hunting
*********************************
- Go to the city.
_ If you haven't done the Sword Master's fight yet, chose to either do that 
  first or to talk to the mysterious man the game calls "Citizen of Melee".
  When he asks about a cousin named Sven, tell him about a barber named 
  Dominique. You can buy a treasure map from him.
- Now go to the store and buy a shovel.
- Now head for the forest (fork on the map)

- Follow the next route (You cannot enter without the map, or when you were
  not guided before by the storekeeper)
  - Exit north
  - Exit west
  - Exit east
  
  - Exit west
  - Exit east
  - Exit north
  
  - Exit east
  - Exit west
  - Exit north
  
- Now go to the "X" (to the east) and dig up the T-shirt with your shovel.
- Now leave this place

This completes this trial. When you still got trials left do them first, if you
completed them all go to the docks.

******************************
IDXE2: Getting a ship and crew
******************************
When you completed the three trials you'll see a ghost ship disappear at the
horizon once you get on the docks. After your talk with the lookout about the
situation you'll get a note.

- Go to the scumm bar
- Pick up all the mugs you can find
- Go to the kitchen (the cook will no longer bother you) and fill one mug with
  Grog.
- No go to jail as quickly as you can. When the mug is melting too far, put the
  grog into a new mug, and keep doing this until you reached the prison.
- Put the grog into the lock to release the prisoner. That's crew member #1.
  Tell him the govenor's kidnapped
- Leave the prison for another cutscene with Bob and LeChuck.

- Now head for the Sword Master's hideout (you can get there directly on the
  map now).
- Tell her about the abduction, and you got yourself your second crew member.

- Now go to the city
- Enter the house of the fortune teller (you don't have to speak with her)
- Get the chicken
- Leave the city
- Now go to the shore at the north of the map
- Use the chicked to get over the cable
- Enter the house
- Tell the man about the abduction of the govenor
- When he asks what to do, tell them you gonna get a crew
  When Gurbrush says he wants to be the capain the man will test you.
  After he opened all the doors, open the last one and touch the "beast" inside.
  With this covered up you got your entire crew now. All we need now is a ship.
  
- Go to the "Used Ship Emporium".
  (If you never been there before the game will call it "lights").
  
Now you meet Stan. The most annoying man in the world, who will be back in 
every Monkey Island game (that sucks).
Talking with him is gonna take a lot of time. Try to get him to sell you a cheap
ship. Alas even that one is beyond your budget. Stan will tell you about the
letter of credit from the storekeeper. So try to get rid of Stan and go to the
store.

- If the storekeeper's missing ring the bell.
- Ask him about credit. He'll open the safe, memorize the pattern he uses to
  open the lock.
- When he asks what your job is he'll no longer trust you (no matter what you
  answer), and he'll put the letter back in the safe (You can memorize it again)
- Now send him away by using the "Sword Master" as excuse.
- Open the safe (you got the combination now. Use it. Pull is counterclockwise,
  and push is clockwise).
- Now go back to Stan's.

- Ask him about the cheap ship again.
- Ask him the price. (Way too expensive the note is only worth 5000).

Let's start haggling.
There are 2 things you can do to lower the price 
- Trying to walk away. Stan will call you back, and come back if he calls you.
- Talk extra's and say to all extras he offers "I think I can live without that
  particular piece of junk".
Both of them can be done endlessly, but there's a maximum of time to it as the
price lowers. Keep asking him how much it's worth. When it's about 5800, you 
can make an offer. Offer him 5000. If he doesn't accept try to lower the price 
more, if you haggled enough he'll accept and then you got your ship.

You got your crew and your ship. Go to the docks, and you're ready to set sail.




+------------------------------------------------------------------------------+
| Part 2 - The Journey                                                 | IDX03 |
+------------------------------------------------------------------------------+
Well, your crew appears to be nothing but a bunch of slackers, so you're on
your own.
You start this part in the captain's hut.

- The the quill from the ink pot
- Get the ink from the table
- Open the drawer and examine it
- Read the book. It contains a log of the captain and his comrade Herman
  Toothrot.
- Leave the hut

- Use the rope ladder
- Get the Jolly Roger flag
- Go back down

- Go down the hatch

- Go down the other hatch

- Pick up the rope
- Open the chest
- Look at it to get yourself some wine
- Get some gunpowder from the kegs
- Exit up

- Exit north

- Open the cupboard
- Get a package of cereal
- Open the cereal to get a prize
- Look at the prize and you'll see it's a key
- Go back to the captain's hut

- Use the key to open the cabinet
- Open the chest inside
- Look at the chest to get cinnamon sticks and a piece of paper.
- Look at the paper. It looks like a recipe.

- Go to the kitchen and let's start to brew something dangerous.
- Put the wine in the cauldron
- Put in the gunpowder
- Add the cereal
- Add the cinnamon sticks
- Add the Jolly Roger
- Add the ink
- Add the chicken
- Add the breath mints

- Now Guybrush will be knocked out. When he wakens go to the deck to see you've
  reached Monkey Island.
- Go back to the lowest part of the ship and get yourself some gunpowder
- Go to the kitchen and put either one of your T-shirts or the feather on fire
- Take the pot
- Go to the deck

- Put the gunfire in the cannon
- Put the rope on the cannon
- Light the fuse with the flaming mass.
- Walk to the nozzle and FIRE!!!!


+------------------------------------------------------------------------------+
| Part 3 - Under Monkey Island                                         | IDX04 |
+------------------------------------------------------------------------------+
Well, your entree was very impressive. Get up and let's get moving.
Herman Toothrot may come to bother you A LOT. Just tell him to go away every
time he does that. He's rather annoying than helpful.

- Get the banana from the beach and go to the forest

- Go to the north-west of the island and go to the fort (in the crater)

- Pick up the rope and the spyglass.
- Push the cannon
- Get some gunpoweder and the cannon ball
- Leave

- Go to the center of the island and go to the river fork

- Put some gunpoweder on the dam
- Open the spyglass
- Use the lens you get on the sun (you'll be kicked out of this location)

- Go to the pond
- Pick up the rope from the corpse and leave

- Go back to the river fork
- Take the footholds up

Now this is tricky. You gotta push or pull the device, then go up and push a 
rock down. When you mess up you can place another rock. Keep trying until you
hit the banana tree. (Don't worry if you hit the ship. You can still finish
the game, and you wouldn't mind to "punish" your crew, would you?)

- Go to the southern beach
- Get the two bananas and leave

- Go to the crack
- Use the two ropes you have to make your way down
- Pick up the oars and go back up into the forest

- Go to the southern beach
- Use the oars with the rowboat

- Now row you way around the island by the east side
- Once you reached the northern part of the island dock at the east beach

- Go to the village
- Go to the west side of the village
- Pick up the bananas from the bowl
- Try to leave but the Monkey Island Canniballs will stop you.
- Allow them to lock you up.
- Pick up the skull
- Remove the plank
- Escape via this hole (ignore the banana picker. You cannot take it with you
  right now).
- Use the boat to go back to the southern part of the island

- Find the monkey (it's marked a "monkey" on the world map).
- You should have 5 bananas by now. Give them all to the monkey
- Go back into the jungle and the monkey will follow

- Go to the clearing at the east of the island
- Go east and pull the nose of the totem. When you leave the monkey will mimic
  you and pull the nose.
- Go to the giant stone monkey head
- Pick up the smallest idol you see here.

- Use the boat to go back to the Cannibals.
- When they catch you give them the idol
- The cannibals leave. Enter the hut
- Take the Banana Picker
- Leave th hut and give the Banana Picker to Herman Toothrot. He'll give you
  the key to the Monkey Head. 
- Leave the village and come back.

- The Cannibals will be here now. Now you can ask for their help. Talk to them 
  and say you're looking for somebody. You can describe them any way you want
  as long as you don't say "Wrong Island".
- When they mention a potion to get rid of the undead, ask about it.
- Hear the Cannibals out. When you say you're off to get the root from LeChuck,
  they'll tell you the ship cannot be reached that easily.
- Ask about the "Eadhay of the Avigatornay". The Cannibals will tell you about
  the head of the navigator.
- Give the leaflet to the Cannibals and they'll give you the head of the 
  navigator. 
  
- Go back to the giant monkey head
- Use the key to open it (the ear of the monkey is the lock).
- Now use the head of the navigator and it will lead you through these caves


- When you arrived at the ghost ship's spot, talk to the head
- Say the next things to it:
   "May I please have that necklace?"
   "Maybe I'll just take it..."
   "I don't want to have to hurt you..."
   "What're you going to do? Bite me?"
   "If I wanted you I could dropkick you into the lava."
- Now wear the necklace and you'll become invisible
- Enter the ship

- Open the west door and enter the hut
- Don't go close to LeChuck. Use the compass to get his key from the wall
- Leave the hut

- Go down the hatch
- Stand east of the room and the sleeping pirate will reveal a can of grog
- Ignore that for now and exit east

- Pick up a ghost chicken to get a feather
- Go back to the sleeping pirate
- Tickle him with the feather under his foot to make the can of grog fall 
  down. (Sometimes you have to do that twice before the can falls)
- Pick it up.
- Exit east

- Use the key (from LeChuck's room) to open the hatch
- Go down the hatch
- Put some grog in the dish to kill the rat
- Pick up the grease
- Go back up and go back to the deck of the ship

- Use the grease on the east door
- Exit east

- Pick up the tools
- Go back to the room with the ghost animals

- Use the tools to open the glowing to obtain the root
  (Look in the crate to get it)
- Leave the ship

- Leave the cave (you'll automaticly end up by the Cannibals).

- When you got the root beer from the Cannibals (just wait awhile) leave the
  village and you'll be back where the ghost ship used to be.
  
Now Bob will be here and tell you about the wedding. You can decide to try your
root beer on him, but that's up to you. After your chat either Herman Toothrot 
or your crew will appear (pending if you destroyed your ship) and you'll go 
back to Melee Island.



+------------------------------------------------------------------------------+
| Part 4 - Guybrush Kicks Butt                                         | IDX05 |
+------------------------------------------------------------------------------+
- Exit east and zap the ghost with the root beer
- Exit east again

- Use the root beer on the ghost with a knife in his head and continue your
  way
  
- Enter the church

- Object to the wedding. Any excuse to object will do
- Now try to get pick a fight with LeChuck. No matter what you do, it'll always
  end up in LeChuck giving you a flying lessons. Ending up at Stan's place.
  
- Pick up the root beer and use it on LeChuck. If you are not quick enough 
  you'll by flying around the Island once more ending up at Stan's place in the 
  end, so you can try it again.
  
When you do the game is over and you won the game.

CONGRATULATIONS! YOU COMPLETED THE SECRET OF MONKEY ISLAND!

Whatever you say to Elaine is no longer important.







+------------------------------------------------------------------------------+
| Fighting Insults                                                     | IDX06 |
+------------------------------------------------------------------------------+
Here's a list of the insults.
One fighter insults the other, and the other has to respond with the right
response. Here are all insults I found (in alphabetic order)

PIRATE'S INSULTS
These are the insults the pirates use. You can use them yourself to learn
more answers. 
The insults "Boy are you ugly", "What an idiot" and "You call yourself a 
pirate?" won't work and should only be used if you run out insults (though
it'll always be advatage to your opponent).

I: Have you stopped wearing diapers yet?
R: Why? Did you want to borrow one?

I: I got my scar on my face during a mighty struggle.
R: I hope now you've learned to stop picking your nose

I: I'm not going to take your insolence sitting down.
R: Your hemorrhoids are flaring up again, eh?

I: I once owned a dog that was smarter than you
R: He must have thought you everything you know

I: I've heard you are an contemptible sneak.
R: Too bad nobody's ever heard of YOU at all.

I: I've spoken with apes more polite than you
R: I'm glad you attended to your family reunion

I: My handkerchief will wipe up your blood
R: So you got that job as janitor after all?

I: Nobody's ever drawn blood from me and nobody ever will!
R: You run THAT fast?

I: People fall at my feet when they see me coming.
R: Even BEFORE they smell your breath?

I: Soon you'll be wearing my sword like a shish-kebab
R: First you'd better stop waving it like a feather duster

I: There are no words for how disguisting you are.
R: Oh yes there are. You just never learned them!

I: You fight like a dairy farmer
R: How appropriate! You fight like a cow!

I: You have the manners of a beggar.
R: I just wanted to make sure you'd feel comfortable with me

I: You make me want to puke.
R: you make me thing somebody already did.

I: You're no match for my brains
R: I'd be in real trouble if you ever used them

SWORD MASTER'S INSULTS
These are the insults the Sword Master uses, you can use the same replies on
them as against the pirates. Using these insults against the pirates to try to
catch the right response from them won't work. They just will say you are not
playing fair by using the Sword Master's insults.

I: Every word you say to me is stupid.
R: I wanted to make sure you'd feel comfortable with me.

I: If your brother is like you, better to marry a pig.
R: ???

I: I hope you have a boat ready for a quick escape
R: Why? Did you want to borrow one?

I: My last fight ended with my hands covered in blood
R: I hope now you've learned to stop picking your nose

I: My wisest enemies run away at te first sight of me!
R: Even BEFORE they smell your breath.

I: Only once have I met such a coward
R: I'm glad you attended your family reunion

I: No one will ever catch ME fighting as badly as you do.
R: You run THAT fast?

I: Now I know what fitlh and stupidity really are.
R: I'd be in real trouble if you ever used them

She has more, but I couldn't get more out of her while I played.
More insults from the Sword Master may come in an update.



+------------------------------------------------------------------------------+
| Copyrights and permissions                                           | IDX10 |
+------------------------------------------------------------------------------+
This FAQ has been copyrighted by Jeroen Broks aka Tricky, formely known as
Tricrokra. This FAQ may be viewed, downloaded and printed for personal use
only. It may not be sold, or used as a basis for commercial work. This FAQ
may also not be modified. Parts of it may not be copied to your own FAQs 
without my permission.

This FAQ is NOT officially authorized by LucasArts or any
other party that is related to Monkey Island

If you want to host this FAQ, it's allowed, if you ask my permission first,
permission will be granted assuming that the FAQ stays in this form 
unmodified, that users can view it FREE OF CHARGE, and that no pop-ups have 
been added to the page that views this FAQ.

Sites with permission to host this FAQ:
---------------------------------------
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Sites banned from hosting this FAQ:
-----------------------------------
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+------------------------------------------------------------------------------+
| Cantacting me                                                        | IDX11 |
+------------------------------------------------------------------------------+
Before contacting me, please read carefully.

If you want me to answer questions about the game itself please visit this
site:

      http://www.tbbs.nl/QuestionGen.php4

That is my Q&A site where I (or others) will answer all your game questions.
If you do, please check if the question you want to ask hasn't been asked 
before. :)

If you want to inquire about me as a person, or when you have anything to 
say about the FAQ itself, like asking permission to host, got suggestions
for this FAQ, something like that please mail it to

       [email protected]

       AND PUT [Tric-FAQ] IN THE SUBJECT OR ELSE MY SPAMFILTER MAY
       REJECT YOU!

If you see that I missed things in this FAQ, then in stead of calling me
names, you may tip me about that part, or if you want even come up with 
a complete workout of that part, that I will copy into this FAQ (I may alter
your lay-out to make it fit with the rest) and even credit you for your
trouble. This also goes for alternate boss techniques.

AND NEVER FORGET TO TELL ME WHICH FAQ OF MINE YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT!
I get a lot of mails in which I must guess which FAQ it is we're talking 
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And one last thing. Below are remarks I got a lot about my FAQs. Some are
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an arrogant bastard or anything, but some of them tire me a lot.

So here are those mails with my standard replies:

  M: Fix your English
  A: Some people say they hardly hear the diffrence between me and an
     English speaking fellow. Others say it sucks. Well, I honestly don't
     care in which category you are. English is NOT my first language. If 
     I spoke my own language you probably couldn't read my FAQs at all.

  M: HEY IDIOT! FIX YOUR FAQ!
  A: Anyone who sends mail like this won't receive a reply. In fact they
     will be banned from ever mailing me again. I can understand you do not
     agree with my technique. There are as many as there are people. I can
     also agree you detected that I made a mistake. Well, I'm human you know.
     Making mistakes is part of my nature, as much as it's yours. If you 
     detect errors in my FAQ you can tell me about it in a civil way, and 
     I'll fix it if I agree with you.

  M: Are you a man? A woman? How old are you? Where do you live?
  A: I really got that kind of mails a lot. I don't mind that you know.
     I was quite amused by such mails actually.
     Well, my name is Jeroen Broks. I'm not going to give my private adres
     in this FAQ or anywhere else on the internet, but you may know that
     I live in the Netherlands, I am a man, and I was born in 1975. So on
     the moment I started on this version of this FAQ I was 31 years old.

  M: Fsdasdadasf afsdfasd afdfsaf
  A: Whatever you say I don't understand it. If you mail me, please only do
     so in either English or Dutch or if you really need in German. 
     (Be perpared that if you speak German to me, you might get an answer in
     English, tough).
     I don't speak any other language.

  M: May I translate your FAQ into another language?
  A: If you ask my permission, mostly no problem

  M: Why is Neoseeker banned from hosting your FAQs?
  A: That's something between me and Neoseeker. I don't find it necesary to
     go into detail about that. I noted it in my FAQs to make sure they     
     will never pop up there unnoticed. So don't mail me about it
     cause I won't answer. I got very good reasons for it. That's all you
     need to know.

And so far this FAQ. I hope you have good use for it!

(c) Copyright 2008, JBC-Soft, Jeroen Broks (Tricky)