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Game Reviews for Dead Space

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ID Author Date Score
1094 Forgoten_Scars 28th Apr 2009 82% Read Review
 

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F_S Review for Dead Space

Welcome to the wonderful world of Dead Space. A universe populated by a bunch of dead people that like to go 'Rawr', a badly placed ship with more holes in it than the plot of the game itself, a fun-load of hallucinations, and a man with a glowing bucket on his head. All this makes for a great game that will give you the adrenaline rush of your life, or at least make you crap your pants once.

Through this game, you play as a 40 year old man with said bucket on his head named Issac Clarke. Issac Clarke is a one man zombie thing killing army... Who happens to lack the balls to do anything for himself once given a task by another human being. You arrive on the USG Ishimura with a bald-headed-control-freak, his PMS'ing girlfriend, and two grunts simply meant to die within the first 5 minutes of the game. Once you arrive, naked dead people will come out and kill the grunts, separating you from PMS'ing girlfriend and bald-headed-control-freak. And this is where the real fun begins.

After running for your life from the naked dead people, you'll be given a crappy plasma gun that works about as well AA meetings at a college frat party. This is where you start getting meaningless tasks meant to only prolong the game and cause you to go into rooms where naked dead people with large claws want to give you a hug and omnomnom on your neck.

But hey, there's a bright side. Every so often, you'll run into someone who's actually still alive in this hell hole called the Ishimura. The only bad thing is that they're all part of the same cult group that started all this crap in the first place. Most will suffer from a major case of dead within the first few seconds of you meeting them, but then there's the real butt plugs that somehow manage to hold onto life. People who release things on you that WON'T FREAKING DIE!

But, after you progress through the game enough, you'll begin to find out how crap got effed up on the Ishimura. There's a big red stone on the ship that turns people into what are basically zombies, only scarier on this ship. Once you find a way to throw it back at the planet where it came from, bald-headed-control-freak gets ripped in half and PMS'ing girlfriend turns into a greedy little PMS'ing girlfriend and steals the only ship. Well, you get it back, and she gets glomped by a massive tentacle, thus killing PMS'ing girlfriend. She had it coming.

You win the game. Well, till your old girlfriend eats your face in the end.

This game includes a wide variety of bosses that just love to try to pick you to pieces.

The Leviathan - A big creature that looks like certain female reproductive organs stuck in a massive tumble dryer. Shove a fresh load of plasma down it's throat to kill it.

The Hunter - GOD WHY WON'T THIS FREAKING THING DIE?! Tactics here; Cut off it's legs, run, cut off it's legs, run, cut off it's legs, BURN IT WITH FIRE!

Big Thing That Throws Crap At You - No bloody idea what it's name is, but my name pretty much explains it all. Shoot the hell out of it.

The Hive Mind - Big thing that looks like a certain male reproductive organ. Pwn it by sneezing on it.

Buy this game. It's awesome.

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Added 26 Mar 2011, ID #7155, by Forgoten_Scars
 
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